High School for the Cullens
by reader13lovesbooks
Summary: It is a new town for the Cullens. What could possibly be horrible about six vampires stuck in a building full of hormonal teenagers and perverted staff? How about a vampire in a hospital with desperate nurses? Esme's here. Renesmee and Jacob on honeymoon
1. Carlisle Goes to Work

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

Carlisle Goes to Work

Carlisle POV

We just moved to Boston, where there would be plenty of cloud cover for the next few years (one of the plus sides of global warming) and a national park nearby for food. We were in our new home that my dear Esme had happily decorated. I checked the clock and noticed that it was almost seven. I kissed my Esme goodbye, got into the black Mercedes, and headed to the hospital for work.

The parking lot was already full, and I was about to go park in the back when I saw a spot with a huge sign saying "DR. C. CULLEN". Thank you…um, whoever's responsible! I pulled the car into the spot, grabbed my briefcase, some boxes, and got out. I walked through the automatic doors and stopped at the front desk.

A lady who looked to be in her mid-thirties with dyed carrot orange hair was clacking away at the keyboard while half-listening to the elderly man clutching his heart and wheezing.

"I'm sorry, Mr....." she checked the paper, "…Garner, but you'll have to wait before we can treat your little problem."

I briefly glanced at her name-tag as I said, "Miss Walker, he's having a heart attack. That is most certainly not a little problem, and I recommend you treat him right now."

She looked up with an annoyed face before she spotted me. She patted her hair as she said, "I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen, I suppose I should." She clicked a button on the desk. "We have a priority one patient with a heart attack at the front desk, we need assistance."

Ten seconds later, a middle-aged doctor and a middle-aged nurse ran in with a cot. They spared me a glance as they helped Mr. Garner onto the cot. "Dr. Cullen, welcome, I hope we meet again later," the doctor called as they hurried the patient into the treatment room. The nurse barely nodded as she concentrated on the patient. At least they seemed to have sense to treat the patient immediately and be more immune to my vampire characteristics than most other humans. I had a feeling we'd get along well.

Miss Walker coughed loudly. "So, Dr. Cullen, _anything_ I can get you?"

I inwardly grimaced at the double meaning. "No, I just need to know where my office is going to be." I subtly shifted my left hand that was helping support the boxes (though I only needed a finger, really) so she could see my gold wedding ring.

She faltered slightly but recovered. Oh, what I would give for Edward and his power right now. "Your office is down the far corridor there, at the end on the right. Sorry about the inconvenience, but it was the only office suitable for you available."

"No problems at all, thank you," I said as I headed to my office. Joy, I hadn't even started my job and there was already someone fawning over me. I should bring more pictures of Esme tomorrow…

**Very first fanfic, so I'm very nervous, just tell me what I need to do to improve, please! And I'm doing Emmett's POV next, but you can submit who you want me to do next in the Cullen family, and some ideas. Including Emmett ideas, I'm not done with his chapter yet! So in other words, please review!**


	2. In Which Emmett Pummels People

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

In Which Emmett Pummels People

**I got reviews and story alerts and favorite stories! XD XD XD times infinity! This chapter is dedicated to psycicvamp, 94pinkflowers, GlitterHottie12, unplugged, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, SarahJaneTennant, and MisaMisaHaHappySweets. Thanks for reviewing and/or adding me to your favorite stories and/or story alerts!**

Emmett POV

I drove my jeep to school, Rosalie at my side, leading the procession of Cullen cars. I parked, then jumped out and hurried to Rosalie's side of the car before she could start unbuckling the very complicated seatbelt. Rosalie smiled and stepped out.

As soon as she did, I immediately wrapped my arm tightly around her waist. Why? Because the idiot males were starting to drool over her – some literally.

Rosalie gently touched my arm. "Don't worry, Emmett. I can take care of myself."

I reluctantly removed my arm. We headed to the main office to pick up everyone's schedules, as the others were a bit, ahem, _busy_.

There was a guy secretary at this school this time. What was that equation Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle taught me again…? Oh, yeah! **Rosalie/Bella/Alice/Esme + Idiot Male Human = Trouble**. Uh-oh…

I snorted at the guy's nameplate: Chip Sunshine. That was such a stupid name! (**AN: sorry, no offense to people named Chip or Sunshine, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind!)**

Now _Chip_ looked up from his work and his eyes bugged out at Rosalie. It would've been funny if it hadn't been my wife…He cleared his throat and beamed at her (ew, there was food stuck in his teeth!). "Hey, I'm Chip, but you can call me Chip." My laughter nearly crushed my ribs, and they were near invincible. This guy was hilarious! He might not have meant to, but still…

I recovered and spoke up. "We need schedules for the Cullens and Hales." This year, Edward, Alice, and I would be siblings, as always, while Jasper and Rosalie were twins with Bella as their little sister.

"Oh, you're the new kids." Kids? I was older than him, by, like, eighty years! "So, you're all siblings, right?" he tried (keyword being _tried_) to ask nonchalantly.

"We're adoptive siblings," Rosalie corrected, taking my hand. Little Miss Sunshine scowled as he thrust the papers at me. "Have your teachers call down to the office when you get to them," he muttered. He plopped back down in the chair, eyeing Rosalie as we left.

I was steaming mad by now. I didn't need Edward's magic trick to know he was thinking inappropriate things about _my_ Rose, what after seventy or eighty years. I was going to hit the next idiot who hit on her…

Some jocks wearing leather football jackets strutted up to us. The guy at the front winked at Rosalie. "Hey, babe, do you want to come over to my house tonight, _alone_?" That is IT!!! Before Rosalie or any of my siblings could stop me, I punched the dude and he flew back, hitting a tree. My siblings groaned when they got here a second too late, and the people in the parking lot stared. Oops, um, what could be a good excuse for me being able to punch a very heavy, muscular jock to a tree a few hundred yards away…?

**No one's voted yet, so I'm planning on doing Rosalie or Alice next, but it's still not too late to vote for which Cullen you want next! And after I've done at least one of everyone, I can do repeats for ideas that I have but couldn't use or for anyone who has an idea after I've finished that Cullen's chapter. Review please and I'll work on the next one super quickly!**


	3. Trouble?

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

Trouble?

**This chapter is dedicated to sammygirl2010, la Belle Lune Claire, kimberly kim, KillergruntRGNL, planet387, Early Dusk, kissanddazzle, covalentblond, Abeytu, black011, twilight-lover9142, charlycullen261294uk, edward-loves-me-x, ineed2Bbella, SarahJaneTennant, an 94pinkflowers. I had a VERY hard time picking who to do next, because I got a vote each for Edward, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper, so just read on and see how I dealt with it, but it'll be easier if more people PLEASE vote, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! OK, on with the story. Oh, and if there was any confusion, it says in the summary "Esme's here too", I mean there'll be a part in her POV. OK, onward!**

Third Person POV

Bella, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were all seated in the office. The principal, Mr. Albright, was on his way down. The Cullens were having a serious talk.

"Emmett, what in the _world_ were you thinking when you punched that kid?" Edward hissed.

"Sunshine chips should get eaten by ponies…" Emmett mumbled.

The others stared, and then looked at Edward for further explanation. "Don't ask," he advised.

"So what's our excuse this time?" Rosalie sighed.

"Yes, Emmett, what's our excuse this time?" Bella muttered.

"Emmett's on steroids?" Alice suggested.

Edward opened his mouth to snap at her when he paused. "Actually, that's a good idea."

"What? Why do I have to be the one…oh, wait never mind," Emmett said dejectedly.

"He _is _big enough to look it," Jasper mused.

"Yeah, and then you can use your emo powers to make the principal believe us," Emmett snapped.

"Wow, Emmett, that's ONE great idea, you're on a roll today," Edward said sarcastically.

"No talking!" snapped a voice. In came a brown-haired man with an afro.

If Alice was human, she would've fainted then and there, I mean, come on! An afro is _so_ 1970s.

"Would one of you please tell me why Mr. Tyson is in the hospital with a full body cast?"

"Was he in an accident, sir?" Bella asked innocently. Mr. Albright must've been too angry at the absence of the star football player right before a big game too have noticed the three girls, but now he did.

He puffed his afro nervously and stuttered, "Well, um…you see…that might be possible…but, most unfortunately, um, some other students say Mr. Cullen threw him into a tree a couple hundred yards away from where they were."

Now it was Rosalie's turn. "I'm sorry, sir, but Emmett's been under a lot of stress recently, and Mr. Tyson was flirting with me, so he felt it his duty as my h-boyfriend, too defend me. But his stress got to him and he accidentally assaulted him."

Mr. Albright got over his shock and now replied suavely (or so he thought), "Yes, Miss Hale, I would've reacted the same way if I was there."

"With your own girlfriend, right?" Alice asked.

"Sure, whatever you say. Well, I suppose you're all free to go."

They started to sprint out when he said, "Wait! How'd Mr. Cullen manage to throw Mr. Tyson that far?"

Emmett shot Alice a look that read, _You'd better not say steroids_. She rolled her eyes. "Emmett is a world-champion weight-lifter." Jasper tossed a wave of gullibility the principal's way.

"Oh, okay, you can go…wait, you'll need to read these papers, ladies," he said while dumping a pile of papers into Bella's arms and winking very conspicuously.

Edward took some deep breaths. _Don't kill the human, don't kill the human…_

"If you ladies need _anything_ at all, come down here anytime you want."

The girls had to grab their husbands tightly before they lunged at the idiot. "Ok, um, bye!" Rosalie called as the girls pushed their husbands out.

Rosalie frowned and stared at the male vampires. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"Kill the idiot human," they muttered simultaneously.

All three girls glared now. After a bit, Alice said, "And now?"

"Kill…"

Bella waited another minute before asking, "Now what do you have to say?"

"Humans are idiots."

The girls exchanged a look and sighed. "That'll do. Now what are these papers?" Most were school stuff, but three weren't. They were yellow and smelled of very icky deodorant, with one addressed to each girl, though each said the same thing. _Aaron Albright, AKA Double A Battery, 555-5673. Call me for an uber awesome time, sweet-thang. _The boys lunged for the door, but the girls tackled them before they reached it.

"And we were doing so well," Alice sighed while crumpling the phone-number. "Let's get to class."

They had been released from the office during the time before classes started and while most students were milling about in the hallways. Welcome to stare-mania…

A group of airhead girls with dyed blond hair and spray tan orange skin squealed when they passed by the Cullen boys. "Hi, like, I'm, like, Monica, and, like, this is, like, Alisa, and, like, Zoe, and, like, we _totally_, like, think you're, like, _hawt_."

Now the guys grabbed the girls. "We have to go," Edward said as they pulled their wives away. Once they were in a fairly empty hall, the guys smirked and turned to the girls.

"What do you have to say for yourselves?" Jasper drawled.

The girls glowered. "Kill the idiot humans…"

**Remember, PLEASE vote for which Cullen you want next, including Esme, don't forget her, and give me any ideas you have with your vote. Just warning, if I have a tie or not enough votes for someone else, I'll probably be doing Rosalie.**


	4. Frustrations of a Mind Reader

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Jedithon, sammygirl2010, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, SarahJaneTennant, jj1507, and black011. I have decided to do Edward, so sorry to those of you who wanted someone else, but I'll do everyone eventually!**

Frustrations of a Mind-Reader

Edward POV

School hadn't even started yet and all of us had already tried to kill someone. I pondered over something earlier… "Sunshine chips should get eaten by ponies…"? Emmett had been thinking about some geeky-looking secretary for the school with a nameplate that said "Chip Sunshine." I inwardly snorted. What a stupid name… (**AN: Again, no offense to people with any part of that name!**) So "Little Miss Sunshine", which he'd been so considerately dubbed by Emmett, had flirted with Rosalie, like most human males did. Then there was a _very_ disturbing mental image. There were dancing potato chips in the sun, all with faces of the secretary imprinted on them, and then comes the purple pony from that TV show "My Little Pony", which, for some reason, Emmett watches, and the pony eats the chips while they scream bloody murder. Fascinating, Emmett…

I took Bella's hand as we walked to our first class. For _some reason_, we had the same schedule…I know nothing. We had AP Chinese, art, History, Gym, Lunch, Biology, English, AP Calculus, and Chemistry. We'd taken Spanish and French at the last schools, and Chinese is becoming an increasingly more popular language.

The teacher was a very wrinkled old lady who looked eighty-some years. _Knit one, pearl two, knit one, pearl two…_in Chinese. She was knitting a…was that a giant muffin hat? Okay, that's weird…

The class was milling around the room. Most of them were staring at Bella and me.

_Eek! Edward's in our class! Okay, remember the doctor told you to breathe, blink, sit pretty. _Great, Alisa was in our class.

_Check her out, dang, she's hawt! _I glowered at the skater boy eyeing Bella.

_Oh, new students, they look nice, I wonder if they'd like to be friends…_Good, at least there was another Angela Weber at this school.

_Yeah, she so wants me, come on, girl, leave pretty boy, Matt wants you._ He was acting like Bella was a dog! So my hit list before the subjects die was: Newton, Mallory, Newton, Stanley, Newton, Crowley, Newton, Yorkie, Newton, Banner, Newton, Monica, Newton, Alisa, Newton, Zoe, Newton, skater punk, Newton, Matt, and…oh, yeah, did I mention Newton?

Bella and I headed for the back, where it'd be harder for the others to look at us…hopefully. The bell rang, but the teacher just kept knitting. Finally, ten minutes after the bell, another teacher poked her head in and said very loudly, "Mrs. Pong, it's time to start class."

"Oh, thank you, Barbie," Mrs. Pong said as she continued knitting.

"It's Barbara," she muttered as she walked away. _When's she going to retire…?_

"Class, get a worksheet and do it, give it to Barbie after class to grade," she said while her needles clicked. _Knit one, pearl two…_

I got up to get the worksheets before Bella could say something about not letting her do anything. That was not true, I was merely being a gentleman and chivalrous.

I just grabbed two worksheets when I heard someone think, _Well, hello, beautiful!_

I whirled around, a truly vampiric expression on my face. Matt had plopped down in my seat by Bella. "Well, hello, beautiful!" Wow, he actually needed time to rehearse what he was saying…nice going, Einstein. _Those clothes look hot on you, but they'd look better off. _He wouldn't. "Those clothes look hot on you, but they'd look better off." He would.

"I think you'd look better buried six feet under," Bella replied. I subtly tipped over his chair so Matt fell onto the floor. Everyone burst out laughing at him.

Mrs. Pong looked up, annoyed. "You, big-nose, detention today. Bring your knitting needles." He _did_ have a bigger than average nose…

I slid into my seat before Matt got up. He trudged back to his seat, embarrassed. _Dang it, it's all Cullen's fault!_

Bella smiled at me. "Did you have a nice time?"

I grinned back. "Yes, I did. Matt rehearses his words in his head before he speaks."

She laughed her beautiful laughter, and we did our work at the fastest human speed possible. I wonder what sort of detention requires knitting needles…

Like Mrs. Pong said, everyone gave their worksheets to "Barbie" after class. She didn't seem very happy about it. Bella and I headed to art, where there were potter's wheels set up all around the classroom.

Our teacher was a very nerdy-seeming Mr. Tiberius. He was bald with mousy sideburns, and his glasses were thick, with even thicker rims. He was lanky and muscle-less. _This is my first ever class, I hope I do okay! Okay, Relaxing for Dummies, page 107, breathe in, out, focus on your happy place, think about ponies…_Alright, what was with all these ponies today?

Unfortunately, Alisa was still in this class. "Um, like, Mr. Toto, like, what are we, like, doing?" _No_, we can't be doing pottery, because he just felt like putting these potter's wheels randomly around the classroom. Huh, I was being rather sarcastic today.

"Pottery, no duh," one smart aleck sneered from the back.

"WHAT?" Alisa freaked. "But, like, this shirt is, like, designer."

"Don't worry, wear a smock," Mr. Tiberius said, holding out a huge old blue dress shirt was stains over it.

"Ew, like, that thing, like, is _so_ not, like, designer, I, like, can't, like, wear it."

"It's either this or your shirt gets stained," he pointed out.

"Ugh, like, fine!" Alisa snatched the smock. Bella and I sat at the wheels nearest the door in the back. We put on the smocks and got to work. I was about to grab some clay when I saw Bella examining the wheel.

"What's the matter?" I asked her.

"I've never used one of these before, I'm just seeing how it works," she replied. We both started. Pretty soon, we both had very intricate vases.

"Yours is good," I told her.

"Same for you," she replied. "So, what do we do now?"

"The vases are put in an oven with a very hot fire." Oh, wait, how were we going to deal with the fire?

"Oh, you're the first ones done! Give them here, and I'll put them into the oven." Well, problem solved, then! Let the human burn, they won't die as easily that way.

Bella and I looked at the other's creations. Most were still half-formed, but a few had finished a basic vase. Alisa's looked like…well, what food looked like when Emmett cooks it, though why he cooks when he can't eat I'll never know…

Bella turned to me thoughtfully. "Edward, would you like to pull a harmless prank?"

Why was she asking me this? "I guess…"

She grabbed another huge glob of clay and carefully set it on the wheel. She tilted it at an angle and started spinning the wheel. She gradually got faster and faster, until the clay flew off and landed…on Alisa's head. I smiled, and then waited for the fireworks.

"Ew, like, OMG, like, get this, like, thing, like, off of, like, me!" she squealed.

"Aw, but it's such a great improvement," Bella said sarcastically. She must not be happy when other people flirted with me.

The bell rang, and Mr. Tiberius pushed everyone out, hands washed or not. "Good-bye, class!" _Yes, I made it out alive!_

"But, like, what about, like, my, like, hair?" Alisa whined.

"I said bye!" he said, freaking out. _Breathe, BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Okay… "Bella, what's the number for the local asylum?"

**Okay, I finished this very early in the morning, so the ending may suck. OK, the votes for who to do next so far: Bella, 1. Rosalie, 3. Alice, 1. Jasper, 2. Esme, 0. So I'm doing Rosalie next, unless more votes come in for one of the others. And if you give me any ideas, I'll extra-dedicate the chapter in the person's POV when I finish it!**


	5. Batteries Suck

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to oooCharmedOneooo, PlateCaptain, NjSj, 4everbellaxedward, SophieG94, BookWorm Allison, itsisa, black011, SarahJaneTennant, Lyrei, xLuvs2Laughx, Sarah. V., and thank you VERY VERY VERY much to sammygirl2010 for giving me an idea!**

Batteries Suck

Rosalie POV

Emmett and I were in our first class, which was Biology. The teacher was running a PowerPoint and talking something about class rules and guidelines. Whatever. I took out a mirror and admired myself in it. I looked gorgeous, as always. Yes, I am shallow, but I _am _gorgeous, not just deluding myself like most people. Emmett was…well, I actually don't want to know, since I'd probably yell at him. The teacher was in the middle of talking about his pencil policy when the PA crackled.

"Mr. Wazzerbug, can you please send Rosa – I mean, Miss Hale down to my office?" the "Double A Battery" said.

"Oh, okay, but she's missing out on my presentation!" Wazzerbug shouted. "Go, Miss Hale."

Emmett looked up concernedly as I walked out the room. I was halfway down the hallway when Alice zipped by and stopped in front of me. She tossed me a tiny little button-sized video camera. "Here, record your meeting with the principal, and try to aim it!" Then she ran away again. This couldn't be good…for me.

I stuck the camera on my shirt and continued on down to the office. Sunshine was there, and he straightened up immediately as I entered.

"Rosalie! It's nice to see you, what can I do for you?" he asked _way_ too cheerfully.

"I'm here to see the principal," I said as I inspected my nails. Red was a nice color on them.

"_Anything_ else I can do for you?" Ew, humans say that way too much. It used to be disgusting, but now it's disgusting and irritating.

"No."

"Ro – I mean, Miss Hale! It's a surprise seeing you here! What can I do for you?" Albright asked.

"You called for me," I said dully. Humans were so forgetful.

"Ah." He winked at me. Ugh. "Let's step into the _privacy_ of my office, shall we?" Again, ugh.

"Fine." I walked in and sat myself down. He locked the door after him, and then proceeded to sit, but he sat on the desk instead of his chair, so he was a foot away from me. He smelled like rotten eggs.

"So, how are you this uber-tastic morning?" Uber sounds so stupid (**AN: sorry to those who like using "uber"!**).

"Good."

"Now, let's get to know you! How many siblings do you have?"

"Five."

"So you're not dating anyone, then?" Humans are _so_ subtle…

"We're adoptive siblings. I'm dating Emmett."

"Oh, the guy who's on steroids?"

"Emmett's not on steroids."

"Well, how do you explain how he threw Mr. Tyson across the parking lot? You can't really expect me to believe he's a world-champion weight-lifter! I mean, I know how steroids work, I _did_ use them in my teen years."

"I can assure you, Emmett's not on steroids."

He snorted. "Just how stupid do you think I am?" I think you're very stupid. "If Emmett's a world-champion weight-lifter and/or not on steroids, then pigs fly." Oh, you fly? (**AN: I borrowed this from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, DON'T SUE ME!!!**)

"Is the only reason I'm down here to talk about whether Emmett uses steroids?"

"Oh, no, there's other stuff. Are you free Friday?"

"Why."

"Because I know this uber amazing restaurant, _La Romàntica_, and I have reservation for two."

"And this interests me how."

"But – um, ugh, fine, do you want to go with me?" Is he serious?

"No."

"But why not?" the Battery whined. Seriously, like a little kid.

"I'm dating Emmett."

"So what? He'll never know."

"Unless I tell him."

"Which you have no reason to, because I know you feel the same way about me as I do you." As if!

"Yeah, right. Still no."

"PLEASE?"

"No." This is getting irritating.

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No. And I don't like cherries." Or any food, really.

"What about –" Someone knocked on the door. Thank you!

"WHAT?" the Battery shouted.

"Um, sir, the superintendent wants to talk to you." It was Sunshine. Sunshine or Battery? Hmm…

"Fine," the Battery muttered as he unlocked the door. He winked at me again. Did he have a twitching problem or something? "Do you want to come over to my house tonight?" Sunshine.

"No." I left the office.

"Wait, Miss Hale!" I inwardly groaned. Still, better Sunshine than Battery.

"What."

"Um, do you want my number?"

"No." I walked out and back to class, but Alice was in the hall again.

"Yay, this is going to be hilarious!" She snatched the camera and ran away again. I'd actually forgotten about the camera.

I entered the classroom and sat back down next to Emmett. "What'd he want?" he whispered.

I groaned. "Batteries suck."

**I find it hard to do Rosalie for some reason, so this might not be my best work. Thanks again to sammygirl2010 for giving me the idea for the principal to flirt with Rosalie! I got the science teacher's name "Wazzlebug" from the name of one of my old classmates, but I tweaked it around a bit. I have an idea for Jasper, and he is one of the options with the most votes. I wanted to save him for later, but this idea is just to funny (well, in my mind, anyway) to wait, but if I get more ideas (hint hint) then I can do him again after I've done everyone. Review please, I've gotten some alerts but hardly any reviews compared to them!**


	6. Why Confederates Are Awesome

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to littlejuliz, itsisa, sammygirl2010 (YOU ARE AWESOME!) This one's going to be in Jasper's POV, and I haven't learned too much about the Civil War yet, so I might get some details wrong, correct me if you find mistakes, please! Oh, and this chapter might not be as funny as the others were, because I originally planned this with Jasper all dedicated to his side and all.**

Why Confederates Are Awesome

Jasper POV

I felt happy as I held Alice's hand while we walked down to our third class, history. Bella, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett would also be in the class with us. Normally, I would be sulking and shying away from humans to not tempt my thirst, but I was happy because 1) Alice and I had identical schedules and 2) she told me about her plan with the principal, which was hilarious.

Bella, Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett were sitting in the back of the classroom already. Bella and Edward were discussing what deemed a person crazy (they better not be talking about Alice), Rosalie was inspecting her nails, and Emmett was cursing batteries under his breath. I don't even want to know…

Edward looked up and looked at Alice suspiciously. "Why are you singing the SpongeBob theme song in your head…in German?"

"You'll see!" she trilled. Good thing I was singing a little Southern ditty in my head in Portuguese in my head already. Edward glared at me then returned to his discussion about mental asylums.

The bell rang, and students hurriedly grabbed seats. The smart ones sat down as far as possible from us. The idiots sat right next to us, though they did shift their desks away from us by a millimeter.

The teacher, a short middle-aged lady with whitening blond hair, came into the room. She looked slightly familiar. "Good morning, class, I'm Mrs. Sherman. We have a lot to learn this year, and our first subject is the Civil War."

Oh, excellent, finally I subject I could beat everyone else at! In your face, Eddie! He scowled at me as I mentally called him his least favorite nickname.

"This is one of my favorite subjects to study in American history." You're not alone there. "The main reason is because my great-great-great grandfather was General William Tecumseh Sherman."

I nearly hissed out loud. That's why she looked so familiar! Sherman was the reason the South lost the war and its honor! I MUST AVENGE US!!! Edward flashed me a look. I sighed. Fine, no revenge today…Eddie. He glared at me again. Well, you can't stop me from thinking it. Let's see, ways to avenge the South: kill Sherman's descendant, expose his embarrassing moments from the times I met him, kill Sherman's descendant, reveal his true nature, kill Sherman's descendant…Whoa, Edward, don't kill me, it's a joke, geeze! Cranky-pants…

This all occurred in a matter of seconds. The Union lover was beginning her speech. "As you all know, the South was fighting because they wanted to keep imprisoning slaves. The Union wanted to let everyone be a free American citizen with equal rights. The Confederate president, Jefferson Davis, was evil and corrupted, and Abraham Lincoln consistently attempted to peacefully negotiate with him, but to no avail. The war took a long time, but that was only because General Sherman was too kind in nature to kill for no reason, unlike the South. But nevertheless, it was incredibly easy to beat the South, as they were untrained, unorganized, ill-informed, inexperienced miscreants who just wanted extra money and who all happened to wear the same color clothes and called themselves an army. The North, meanwhile, were trained, skilled, well-organized, well-informed, experienced who wanted to fight for freedom and equality to all. As you can see, the Union is much better than the Confederates, and General Sherman is the greatest military officer of all time."

It took all of my control not to kill that lie-spewing human. Edward was cautious, Bella was anxious, Alice was pitying, Rosalie was bored, as always, and Emmett was amused. HOW COULD HE BE AMUSED WHEN THE SOUTH'S HONOR WAS JUST DISGRACED???

I held Alice's hand while I raised my other hand. The teacher nodded. "I beg to differ on several items in your speech," I said stiffly. "The South fought in the war because the North was trying to take over everything going on down South, and the South naturally fought back for the freedom and independence they'd fought hard for during the Revolutionary. The Union still considered Caucasians superior to African Americans in every way and should be given more rights than them. Jefferson Davis was not evil and corrupted, but merely inexperienced and trying to do the best for his people. Abraham Lincoln was the one who was threatening the South, and he actually wanted to send every African American to Libya, though some were born in America and others free or from other African nations. The war took a long time because both sides were equally matched, and General Sherman was obsessed with killing all who stood in his way. Both sides were fairly trained, organized, informed, and experienced. Both sides had miscreants simply desiring extra cash and people fighting for their beliefs. General Sherman most certainly is not the greatest military officer of all time, and is only portrayed as a good man because he fought on the side that won the war. Confederates are not evil and selfish as most history texts portray them as." Yup, and this is the reason why Confederates are awesome. "And the greatest military officer of all time is Jasper Whitlock," I muttered at vampire speed so only my family could hear. Alice giggled, Bella smiled, Edward rolled his eyes, Emmett stifled laughter, and Rosalie now inspected her reflection. Talk about shallow…Edward nodded in agreement.

The class and teacher looked shock. No, check that, they _were_ shocked. Suddenly, Emmett stood up and clapped so loudly, it sounded like thunder. "Yeah, Jazz, whoo, you tell 'em!" he cheered. Alice stood and clapped, too.

"That was amazing, Jazzy," she said while smiling.

Bella and Edward quickly joined. Finally, Rosalie, seeing the whole family was applauding, eventually stood and did the same. Pretty soon, the whole class was clapping. Maybe I should've kept a lower profile…

"No kidding," Edward muttered.

The teacher was standing in the front of the classroom, shell-shocked. It was bouncing back at me, so I was sitting stiffly at my desk.

"Come on, Jasper, take a bow!" Emmett yelled. I jerked my head at the teacher's direction. His mouth formed an "o" shape. He bunched up some paper and chucked it at the teacher. Why, Emmett, why?

It hit the teacher straight on the forehead. She looked up, angry. "Who did that?" She glared at some kid that looked like Mike Newton, from Forks. "You have detention for everyday after school this month for an hour a day doing community service!"

"What?" he yelped. "Why?"

"Two hours a day!" Then she muttered under her breath, "Grandpa's good, Grandpa's nice, Grandpa hated killing, Grandpa was awesome…" She was still in shock. Joy. I suppose this meant we got to skip this class whenever this happened. Maybe we should do this more often…

"Don't you dare," Edward growled. Fine, Oh Boring One. But I was still annoyed by the fact the teacher had bad-mouthed the Confederacy. THE SOUTH IS AMAZING!!! "Crazy," Edward coughed.

The bell rang, and the students filed out of the room. There was a group of boneheads at the corner, jostling each other and glancing at the girls, some of them Alice. Get rid of the lusty feelings, fellas, or I'll kill you…seriously. Edward frowned as he heard this.

One of them came forward. Edward and Emmett could take care of Bella or Rosalie admirers, but he'd better not be an Alice admirer… "Hey, hot stuff, how's it going?" he said, winking at Alice. That's it, I couldn't kill the principal or the spawn of the Union devil, so I might as well take it all out on him. Emmett quickly grabbed my arm before I could break all 206 bones in the idiot's body.

"Fine, until you came along," Alice said, turning back on him.

"Aw, playing hard-to-get, are we now? Can I have your number?"

Edward now had to join Emmett in restraining me, even though Emmett was the strongest of all of us. Kill the idiot human, MUST KILL!

"Sure." I froze. Was Alice serious? She was. She scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to him. "Let's go!" I stared numbly as Emmett pushed me along with the others.

As soon as we were out of sight and earshot of any humans, Alice quickly turned to me. "Jasper, are you all right?"

I choked out, "Do…you...like…him better?"

Alice gasped. "No, you should've seen what I wrote! Edward, help?" She turned to her brother.

Edward sighed. "She didn't write her number. She wrote, '_Piss off, jar-head_' on it."

Oh. Okay, Alice still loves me, thank goodness. "Of course she does," Edward muttered.

Alice smiled and pecked my cheek. "You'll always be my little soldier."

I smiled. "Yup, Confederates are awesome."

Suddenly, Rosalie spoke up. "Hey, does anyone know where I can get a flying pig?"

**OK, like I said earlier, this might not be as funny because I wanted to make Jasper all dedicated to the South. I have not gotten a lot of votes, so I'm doing Alice next, then probably Esme after, so feel free to send any ideas! You'll see what Alice did with the recording…**


	7. Psychics are Evil

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Mangobunny255, my friend from school, black011, 94pinkflowers, Plate Captain, oooCharmedOne, scarilyobsessed, and to sammgirl2010 for giving me an idea for Esme next!**

Psychics are Evil

Alice POV

The bell rang, and I dragged Jasper behind me from calculus. It was lunchtime, which meant it was time for my plan. BWAHAHAHA!!! Cough, um, yeah…ooh, a vision! First, I blocked my mind from Edward by singing "I'm a Little Teacup" in Japanese.

_Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and I were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, where everyone was having lunch. The principal with the freaky afro was watching the students. Suddenly, the door banged open, and everyone fell silent and watched as the superintendent, Mr. Levine, stalked in._

_"Albright, get over here!" he shouted as he grabbed the principal's ear, his hand like a vise, and pulled him out the door._

_Murmurs started up amongst the student body, as they speculated on what was going on. Us with the vampire hearing listened to the conversation._

_"Albright, you're a nitwit! You're a moron! You're a git! You're an idiot! YOU'RE FIRED!"_

_"What?" Wow, I never knew a grown man's voice could get that squeaky. "Why?"_

_"Being a moron, sexually harassing a student, being a moron, applying for this job while covering up a history of steroid use, being a moron, not running this school properly, and being a moron."_

_"How'd you know – I mean, what are you talking about?" Idiot._

_"Someone sent this anonymous recording to me about a conversation you had sometime in the past year or so."_

_"Um…sorry?"_

_"Yeah, you're still fired. You have one minute to pack up your stuff and leave the premises."_

_"WHAT?"_

_"Fifty-eight seconds…"_

_"Eek!" There was the sound of someone scrambling around in a hurry._

_"Time's up!"_

_"But I can't leave behind my pony collection!"_

_"…JUST GO OR I'LL CALL SECURITY!"_

_"MY PONIES!!!" the principal sobbed as some of the school security guards dragged him off._

_The superintendent walked back to the cafeteria, but not before making a PA announcement:  
"Will all staff please report to the cafeteria, thank you."_

_When all the staff was gathered, Mr. Levine cleared his throat. "Unfortunately (for me), it is my duty to inform all of you that Mr. Albright has been dismissed."_

_"WHOO!" "YEAH!" "HURRAY!"_

_Mr. Levine raised his eyebrows, but still smiled._

_"Um, I mean, darn," a few voices muttered._

_"So our new principal will be…"_

_The staff all listened eagerly, except for Mrs. Pong, who was now knitting a frog-shaped dress._

_"Let me see." He skimmed a list of papers. "Ah! The new principal will be Mrs. Pong!"_

_There was a stunned silence, except for Mrs. Pong's needles clicking together._

_The superintendent coughed. "Mrs. Pong?"_

_"What? I am busy! Wo you qin wa yao fong (I have frogs to knit)!"_

_"Um, you're the new principal."_

_"Oh. So what?"_

_"You get Albright's old office…"_

_"Yay, bigger desk!" She gathered her knitting stuff and hobbled off._

_"Okay…carry on." The superintendent left, the staff grumbled, and the students returned to their conversations._

I squealed and clapped my hands (**AN: like London Tipton from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, only Alice is obviously smarter**). Jasper looked at me, confused.

"It worked!" Realization dawned upon his face, and he smiled.

"Well, then, we should go get good seats, shouldn't we?"

I smiled at his enthusiasm and dragged him over to the cafeteria. The others made their way here soon after, and they sat down. Edward raised his eyebrows.

"Alice, why are you blocking your mind? Again?"

"You'll see soon!" I replied. The cafeteria door banged open. Yay, it's starting!

"Albright, get over here!" I smiled as I listened to the conversation again, but still blocking my mind from Edward.

Finally, Mr. Levine came back in. "Ah! The new principal will be Mrs. Pong!"

My siblings and I tried to stifle our laughter as we listened to what was going on. When the superintendent left, we'd finally calmed down.

"So that's why you blocked your mind," Edward said, smiling.

"Oh, gee, I wonder _who_ was the person who sent the anonymous recording," Rosalie said.

I gasped, playing along. "Yes, whoever could it be?"

Emmett shot out of his seat. "Guys, I have a surprise for you!" We followed him outside, to the back of the school. There were snuffling noises and a funny scent. Was that…?

"A pig?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, Rosalie asked where she could get a flying pig, so I got it for her – with wings!" Emmett smiled proudly. He'd glued feathery wings on the pig's back. "His name's Sparkles."

Sparkles. Wow. The others seemed to agree. Suddenly, I got an idea. Edward chuckled as he heard it. "Emmett, did you also get any pig food?"

"Yeah." He dug a bag out of his pocket. "They gave me some truffles. Why?"

I smiled evilly. "The Battery hasn't left yet, and I know where his car is…"

**See? I told you, PSYCHICS ARE EVIL!!! Well, not really, but Alice **_**does**_** have an evil side. I was planning to name the pig Wilbur the Second, but that's unoriginal. Then I wanted to name him Frog, but I've already used frogs earlier with Mrs. Pong. So I named him Sparkles. PIGS DO FLY!!! I think I'll do Esme next, then finally Bella after, but I REALLY NEED BELLA IDEAS OR IT'LL TAKE ME LONGER TO UPDATE WHILE I THINK OF ENOUGH!!! So please review! I have some more Carlisle ideas, so I may do another chapter in his POV after Bella's, but you can vote for any of the Cullens you want me to do again, BUT you have to give me ideas, too, because I can't think of a lot and I'll have to (gasp!) end this story if I don't have any. So it depends on how long you, the readers, want the story to be, really. Oh, and if you didn't get the pig joke, pigs absolutely positively **_**adore**_** truffles…**


	8. Esme Pawns All!

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to FunFlirtyFlute, Akira Uchiha-san, Cullenxo, punkiemisti, RosesandHoney, TheLittlePenguin, Shadowed Horizon, Kimber Lovely, Lycaon118, twilighter97, Anna713, MrsMonkey7, edward-cullen-please, Nessie0304, Shinobi Shinigami, Lucretia Cyphus, SarahJaneTennant, and sammygirl2010 for giving me one of the ideas in the chapter. YOU PEOPLE ARE AWESOME!!! I wish my school was more Twilight-crazed, I mean, only three, THREE, guys I know, which is pretty much my whole grade, read the series. ******

Esme Pawns All!

Esme POV

I hummed as I walked around the Boston Home Depot, looking for new gardening tools and supplies. I was going to do red, white, and blue flowers this time, because Boston was a very patriotic city during the Revolutionary. Roses, daisies, violets…

Oh, these are pretty! I sniffed them. The petals were red, white, _and_ blue, I definitely had to get these. I loaded them into my shopping cart and looked around for some tools when one of those overenthusiastic Home Depot people popped up. He cleared his throat and began reading a card.

"Good morning/afternoon/evening, sir or madam! Welcome to the Home Depot of Boston, 75 Mystic Avenue, Somerville, Phone Number 617-623-0001. My name is insert name here, how may I assist you this fine morning/afternoon evening?"

Oh, um, okay. "No, I'm good, thanks anyway."

He looked at the card again. "May I interest you in some sales on cooking appliances/ refrigerators/ freezers/ dryers and washers/ bathroom plumbing/ drywall/ ladders/ lumbers/ insulation/ furniture/ wall décor and art/ wallpaper/ window treatments/ doors/ exterior shutters/ windows/ lighting/ electric tools/ electronics/ area rugs and mats/ flooring/ cabinets/ kitchen countertops/ ceiling fans/ lamps/ interior or exterior lighting/ gardening/ grills/ patio furniture/ paint/ storage/ locks?"

I hope he's feeling alright. "No, thank you." I pushed the cart away from him as fast as he could/ What on earth was wrong with that boy?

I managed to find everything I needed for my garden and went to check out when the boy came back. Please, no…

"Hello, sir or madam. My name is insert name here, and I'll be your check out boy or girl today."

I gritted my teeth and handed over my gardening things.

"12 inch by 5 inch finishing trowel. Premium quality finishing trowel uses hardened carbon steel…" Someone save me, please.

An agonizing ten minutes later, "insert name here" finished checking all my items. Freedom! I pushed the cart out, loaded everything into my car's trunk, and sped away.

I finished my garden, though I had been working at vampire speed so I still had a lot of time to use before the kids came home.

Carlisle…I'll go visit him! I made sure I hadn't been careless and got any dirt on me, and then drove off to the hospital.

I entered the lobby and stepped up to the front desk. There was a lady with dyed orange hair sitting there. She looked up. "Yes?"

I was about to ask her for Carlisle's office when I saw him walking by, but he was in a deep conversation with another doctor, who was taking furious notes (**AN: this other doctor is the good doctor way back in chapter one**).

The lady followed my gaze and burst out into a smile. "Ooh, that's Dr. Carlisle Cullen! He's certainly a good-looking one!"

I froze. What did she say?

She babbled on. "He looks just like a movie star, only a thousand times better-looking! He has a wedding ring, and all the nurses are jealous of his wife, he's a good catch."

My husband is not a fish!

"But him being married still doesn't stop some of the nurses. I mean, I still admire him, but from afar, because I have no chance at all, even though I've never seen a picture of his wife before, but it _is _his first day."

Good, at least she wasn't throwing herself at him.

"But Stacy on the other hand (**AN: No offense to people named Stacy!**)…" she pointed at a young nurse ogling Carlisle. Fish-eyes…oh, goodness, her outfit is atrocious! That skirt is much too short, it barely covers her underwear! And her top's cut so low…I'm not talking about it anymore. "…she's found like a hundred stupid excuses to get near him all day so far, and she's only been here for about two hours! And he's already told everyone here he's married."

That's my Carlisle! I stalked off to this Stacy.

She kept ogling my husband as she squealed, "OMG, I would _totally_ love to get a piece of him!"

"No, I don't think so," I replied calmly. Don't explode, Esme…

"Oh, and who are you?" she said snobbily. "You can't honestly think he'll pick you over me."

Darn it, eruption time. "Carlisle happens to be MY HUSBAND!"

Carlisle looked up. He looked happy at first, but then noticed my anger. I continued my tirade.

"He has made it very clear that he is married, and I would appreciate it if you would leave a happy family alone and go find some other male to satisfy your needs! We love each other very much, but it's very hard to enjoy it when you keep interrupting our lives!"

Carlisle hurried over and gently took my arm. "Esme, dear, calm down." He kissed my forehead and took me to his office. "What's wrong?"

I was too angry for complete sentences. "She – flirt – you – ruin…"

"Esme, nobody could ever compare to you. I love you and only you." Okay, I feel better now. My phone beeped. Someone sent me a text message.

**Alice: i saw u n my vsion. u shld hve styd n cn her face wen u lft! ESME PWNS ALL!!! **(**AN: this is for you people who have trouble reading this stuff: I saw you in my vision. You should have stayed and seen her face when you left! ESME PAWNS ALL!!!**)

Carlisle chuckled and checked the time. "Oh, I can leave now. Do you want to go home?"

I nodded. "Sure, let's go."

We entered the parking lot. My car was missing…oh, there was a trace of Emmett, Alice must've sent him over to pick it up. We got into Carlisle's Mercedes and headed home.

The kids had all gotten back from school. "So, what happened today?" I asked them.

"Oh, not much, we walked around, explored the school, met some of the students and teachers, EmmettthrewakidintoatreewhoendedupwthafullbodycastandEdwardandBellaaregettinghitonwaytoomuchandJasperlaunchedintoarantaouthowtheSouthisbetterthantheNorthandthepervertprincipalhitonRosaliebutIrecordeditandsentittothesuperintendentwhofiredtheprincipalandournewprincipalisthiscrazyoldladywhoshould'veretiredagesagoandisobsessedaboutfrogsandknitting."(**AN: again, this is for if you can't read it: Emmett threw a kid into a tree who ended up with a full body cast and Edward and Bella are getting hit on way too much and Jasper launched into a rant on how the South is better than the North and the pervert principal hit on Rosalie but I recorded it and sent it to the superintendent who fired the principal and our new principal is this crazy old lady who should've retired ages ago and is obsessed about frogs and knitting.**)

"Oh, that's all?" I shrugged. At least no one died.

Emmett must've drawn up courage from the fact that neither Carlisle nor I were mad. "Oh, and I have a surprise for you! Come here, Sparkles!"

Who was Sparkles? Edward shook his head. "You don't want to know." I have a bad feeling about this…

No. Emmett is going to die. "EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, YOU BROUGHT A WINGED PIG IN THE HOUSE?"

**Yeah, it's hard for me to do Esme because it's so hard to picture her screaming at someone hitting on her husband, I can do Carlisle better because I can actually picture him mad. And I finished this right before bed so I'm dead tired. OK, time to talk about nonsense stuff! My profile's nearly blank, because I've seen some VERY long profiles that blather on and on about boring stuff, and I have no wish to put anyone through that kind of suffering, so feel free to send me any questions to me and I'll answer them (as long as they're within reason). Like my favorite color or subject (but that's boring), stuff of that sort, but I like answering funny/crazy/strange questions! XD x infinity**


	9. Truth or Dare

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to twilighter97, zenykat, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, SarahJaneTennant, oooCharmedOneooo, black011, twilight-lover9142, kakes, cinnamon988, and sammygirl2010 for giving me more ideas for this chapter! Well, we finally got to Bella, the last Cullen. I'd love to do more, and I have a Carlisle idea (maybe), but I'd need more, or else I'll have to end this story **************** So send story ideas, please! Or I'll be starting some new stories, although for some reason I can't think of any stories besides Jasper and Alice ones…Oh and this chapter is SLIGHTLY T rated, for some language, you'll see why. This is just in case any little kids reading this haven't learned certain subjects yet.  
**

Truth or Dare

Bella POV

Alice and Emmett had managed to hide truffles all around Albright's car then set Sparkles loose in it. I'd feel sorry for him…nah.

At least Sparkles is gone (Alice made sure that an animal-lover picked him up), so Esme feels better. Now Alice and Emmett are back…very bored…oh…HIDE ME!!!

I tried to dash out of the house, but Alice pounced on me and landed on my back.

"You're not getting out of this," she sang. Please no…

"Truth or dare!" Emmett bellowed. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Anything, anything but that, PLEASE!"

"No exceptions, Bel – hey, Edward, GET OVER HERE!" Emmett shouted as he tackled Edward. If Edward were human, he'd be very flat.

Jasper and Rosalie hovered at the edge. Jasper was observing the scene (and our emotions) carefully, while Rosalie picked off nonexistent lint from her clothes.

"Edward, Bella," Alice said sweetly, "if you don't give in, _something's_ going to 'accidentally' happen to a certain piano and certain copy of _Wuthering Heights_."

She tossed my favorite book on top of Edward's piano and held a lighter near it.

"You do realize that we could all get killed from fire, too?" Edward asked.

Alice shrugged. "Fine. I'll dump them into the ocean."

Edward and I exchanged a look of defeat. "Fine."

"YAY!" Alice squealed. She and Emmett pushed us down to the basement, Jasper and Rosalie following behind us. Everyone sat down in a circle around a bottle labeled "THE BOTTLE OF DOOM: PROPERTY OF THE CULLENS OR EMMETT WILL BEAT YOU INTO A PULP".

Alice dashed upstairs at vampire speed then returned a fraction of a second later with a huge handful of stuff. There were Edward's CDs, my human memorabilia, Alice's one-of-a-kind clothes, Jasper's Civil War reenactment (**AN: it's basically a little scale model that takes a while to build, even at vampire speed**), Emmett's videogames and game console, and…whoa, how'd she get Rosalie's car down here?

"This is so you have to go through with dares, or these will be destroyed one at a time, or dented and shattered little by little," Alice trilled.

"Touch my car and die," Rosalie hissed. Oh, so she cared about her car, but not her school principal getting fired. Hmm…

"ME FIRST!" Emmett shouted. He reached out to spin the bottle.

"WAIT!" Alice shouted. "First, some limits. For dares, it cannot include actual physical harm to anyone, no same-gender sexual activities, and/or exposing our existence."

"Well, that just took away all the fun," Emmett muttered as he spun the bottle. Spinning, spinning, spinning…Alice!

She obviously saw it coming, and had considered her options, since she said, "Truth."

Emmett stroked his nonexistent beard. "Vell, let mee fink," he said in a fairly stupid evil German dictator accent (**AN: um, no offense to anyone German**). His eyes glinted. "BWAHAHAHAHA! You moost an-swer thees…How mah-ny times haff you and Jaz-per done 'it'?"

Edward, Rosalie, and I started laughing. Jasper looked embarrassed. Alice was very annoyed. "Fine, let me see…" She started counting in her head. Edward's eyes got wider and wider as he heard the numbers go higher and higher (**AN: now it sounds like some kind of poem**). "Two thousand, one hundred, ninety-two."

My jaw dropped. I turned to Edward questioningly. He sighed. "Yes, they were _very_ busy before we came to Forks." Wow…

"My turn!" Alice spun the bottle (**AN: insert Jeopardy theme song here!**). Slowing down…slowing…Rosalie! She scowled.

"Truth."

"Hmm…" Alice thought a bit. "Ah-ha! What's your most memorable memory of some idiot human going too far to impress you?"

Yay, story time. Rosalie cracked a small smile. "There's a lot to pick from, you know." Emmett started frowning. Someone's _jealous_…

"Oh, I have one. We were living in England then. There was this guy, I think his name was Leslie."

Emmett snorted. "Leslie? That's a girl's name!" (**AN: sorry to people named Leslie**)

"So Leslie lived near us, and he started getting obsessed with me. He followed me everywhere, sent me flowers, chocolates (which I never ate, obviously), gifts, stuff like that. He asked me out, I said no. One day, he even asked me to marry him!"

This Leslie kid sounded…well, STUPID.

"Of course, I said no. Then the queen came to our town one day. She was sitting in her carriage and all. Leslie somehow gets past the crowd and security and jumps on the carriage, then shouts that he'd kill the queen to marry me."

Okay, check that, he doesn't sound stupid, he IS stupid.

"What happened to him?" I asked.

Rosalie laughed. "His weapon was a plastic spoon, and the guards carried him off by his underwear."

I burst out laughing. A plastic spoon? How can you kill someone with that? Well, a vampire could, by digging it into your skull and – um, never mind.

Rosalie took the bottle. "My turn." She spun it. Around and around and around…Edward!

Edward frowned. "Truth."

Emmett booed. "Come on, Eddie! Be a man!"

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not human, but a vampire," Edward replied calmly.

Rosalie tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Alright…what were the most disturbing thoughts you ever read?"

Edward shuddered. "Horrible…never remind me again…"

Now I was curious. "Come on, what were they?"

"I'd rather not," he muttered.

"Come on, tell us!" Emmett urged.

Edward sighed. "Don't say I didn't warn you…" (**AN: um, yeah, I'm skipping this part because I can't think of a good, or bad, enough thought, this might get censored, and it might scar you for life, so let your wonderful imaginations take care of this part! XD x infinity**)

When he finished, we all were staring at him. "Ew," I muttered.

"Ew doesn't even cover it," he replied. He spun the bottle. Jasper!

Jasper smirked. "Dare."

"FINALLY!" Emmett cheered.

Edward thought for a bit. "I dare you to prank-call Mrs. Sherman and tell her that the Confederates have come back to life and are killing every descendant of Union officers of high rank. Tell her to check her e-mail, where you send a video clip of a bunch of realistic-looking zombies."

Jasper laughed. "This is going to be fun…but I'm going to need to pick up some supplies."

He came back thirty minutes later. "I need Emmett and Edward to put on some of this stuff." Emmett eagerly took the bag of stuff, Edward more reluctantly. Jasper also took some, and they went to get ready. Alice turned to Rosalie to talk about fashion stuff. I sat back and waited.

"And you think the new Chanel – AH!" Rosalie screamed. There was a scabby, mottled hand on her shoulder. Emmett laughed loudly and took it off.

"Time to go!" Jasper announced. Our husbands headed outside with a camera. A few minutes later, they came back in wearing normal clothes. After they e-mailed the clip, Jasper dialed Mrs. Sherman's number.

Ring, ring, ring, "Hello?"

Jasper put on a spooky voice. "I am General Robert E. Lee. My men and I have come back to life to kill all descendants of high-ranking Union officers."

"Who is this?" She sounded freaked out. "I'm hanging up"

"Check your e-mail."

Silence. Then – "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Thud.

"What happened?" Emmet whispered.

Jasper stared at the phone. "I think she fainted." Then he smiled. "My turn!" Spinning, spinning spinning, spinning. Emmett! Finally.

"DARE!" he bellowed. " 'Cause I'm a man, unlike a certain Eddie-kins."

Jasper thought for a bit, then smiled evilly. "I dare you to completely and utterly destroy Esme's new garden, then dump syrup all over her new gardening tools."

Emmett's eyes widened. "But, but…SHE'LL KILL ME!"

Jasper shrugged. "Okay." He turned to Alice. "Halo 5 or Dungeons and Dragons 3?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett shouted. "I'll do it, DON'T BURN THEM!"

"Alright, go," Jasper cackled.

Emmett trudged upstairs. Ten minutes later, he came sprinting back downstairs, barricading the door with all the stuff he could find.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GARDEN?" Esme shrieked.

Carlisle must've talked her into killing him later, because she didn't come downstairs. Emmett shuddered, then cackled. "MY TURN AGAIN!"

Spinning, spinning, spinning – oh, dang it. "BELLA!" he shouted. He narrowed his eyes. "If you say truth, I will personally destroy your human memories."

I gulped. "Dare."

His face lit up. "I dare you to the shopping mall, stand on a table right in the middle of food court, and sing VERY loudly." …WHAT?

"Please, no, something besides that!" I moaned.

"Fine. Say bye-bye to picture of baby Bella an hour after birth!" Emmett held up the photo and got ready to shred it.

"NO! I'll do it…" I muttered.

(**AN: yeah, um, VERY sorry, but I can't think of a good song for Bella to sing, so I'm going to skip it, and this chapter is very long already and I don't want to bore you, if I haven't already**)

I stalked back into the house. Emmett was laughing maniacally. Edward was imitating my sullen mood.

"Why're you so grumpy?" I muttered.

"Emmett and Jasper wouldn't let me kill any idiots."

Huh? "Why would you want to kill them?"

"Remember my worst thought ever read?"

Oh. _That_. "Yeah…"

"Imagine it even worse."

Ah. Oh. Ew. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!

Esme came down the stairs now. "EMMETT!" He stopped laughing. (**AN: OK, I'll say this beforehand, sorry to anyone who works at Home Depot or likes the workers there**) "You are coming with me to Home Depot, and you're going to be the one who deals with those over-peppy coffee-high sugar-crazed reading-disabled workers!"

**Yeah, lots of AN this time, but I didn't want anyone to feel bad if I offended them unintentionally. Sorry I haven't updated recently, but I had a lot going on yesterday, and I couldn't think of a god way to work out the idea for this chapter. If this seemed boring, I'm very sorry. And I'm sorry that the last line in this chapter isn't very funny, but it's the funniest I can think of just waking up. And this might be my only update today, because me and my friends are seeing the Twilight movie!**


	10. Take Your Kid to Work Day!

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to –Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, cathycarb, twilight-lover9142, oooCharmedOneooo, June-Avatar11, ALYSHA CULLEN, purpletwilightx, twilighter97, sammygirl2010, SarahJaneTennant, macchiato, rote-kirsche, and edward-loves-me-x. If you were wondering about which song Bella sang last chapter, I decided on "Disturbia", because it sounds like a song Emmett would pick. EMMETT IS SECRETLY EVIL!!!**

Take Your Kid to Work Day!

Carlisle POV

It was April 24th, which meant that the kids would be skipping school today and coming with me to the hospital. This will not go well…

I have no idea how, but Emmett somehow managed to get everyone else to sing along with him on the way to the hospital. It was a warm, yet still cloudy, day, so everyone's windows were down as we drove. (**AN: the song's **_**Dirty Little Secrets**_** by the All American Rejects, I love this song!**)

"_Let me know that I've done wrong, when I've known this all along._

_I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you. _

_Tell me all that you've thrown away! Find out games you don't wanna play!_

_You are the only one that needs to know!_

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret._

_Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret._

_Who has to know?_

_When we live such fragile lives. It's the best way we survive._"

We arrived at the hospital. Still singing. Ergh...

Everyone stared as we entered the building. WILL THEY SHUT UP ALREADY?

Edward must've heard my thoughts, because he motioned for Bella to quiet. Unfortunately, the others were still going at it.

"If you don't stop singing, you are all grounded for a month," I said at vampire speed. They shut up. THANK YOU!!!

I rounded them all up into my office. I closed the door and glared at them all. "This may be a different day than usual, but the hospital is still going to run like normal, so here are the guidelines. Do not do anything that may endanger someone's life. Do not leave anyone or anything scarred physically. Basically, don't hurt anyone, Emmett."

"What?" he yelped. "Why me? It was Jasper who tampered with that old dude's wheelchair back in '97."

"You dared me to!" he countered.

"Well, you were the one who actually did it!"

"But you were the cause for it!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was –"

"STOP IT!" I yelled. Parents have a hard time with teenagers during those few years, but imagine having six of them for several decades…

"I have to go do a surgery now. Remember, you are not to do anything that may harm somebody. Got it?" They all nodded. "Good. Edward's in charge."

Emmett started to protest, but I just held up my hand. "That's my final word." I really shouldn't leave them alone…

The surgery was done, and I headed back to my office. I paused. It was quiet – too quiet…I sprinted the rest of the hallway and burst into the office. They were gone. What the…?

CRASH! "Emmett, you idiot!" Rosalie shouted. Ah, there they were. I hurried to the lobby, where everyone there was staring. There was a hospital cart turned over on its side. Edward was shaking his head, Bella rubbing his arm. Jasper's arms were wrapped protectively around Alice as they huddled in a corner. Rosalie was trying to get Emmett down from Miss Walker's desk. And Emmett…oh, no. He found them. Last time this happened, he permanently traumatized nearly the entire town, and we had to leave ASAP. Not again…

"COTTON SWABS!" Emmett shouted. "I AM THE KING! FEAR ME! BOW DOWN TO ME OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE STICKS OF DEATH! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

A little ten-year-old boy wriggled out of his mother's arms. "You look weird!" he shouted.

Emmett stared down at him. "YOU DARE TO MOCK THE KING? DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He started hurling the cotton swabs at the kid, like javelins. They hit him, and he squealed as he ducked back behind his mother.

Another doctor came in. Evan Scott. I never really like him. Every time he came to my office, he looked at my photos of Esme a bit too much. "Hey, young man, get out of here right now, or I'll have to call security."

"NEVER! I RULE ALL OF YOU! BOW, I SAY, _BOW_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett chucked them at the Scott. Eh, I _should _stop Emmett now, I could make an exception for _him_.

"Hey, what the – ow, that hurt! Ooph, stop that! Ah! Ouch! Ack!" Scott ran out the door again.

Joy…I better stop this now before we all get kicked out. "Emmett McCarty Cullen, get down here!" I finally shouted.

"WHO IS THAT WHO MOCKS THE KING? BOW – oh, Carlisle, um, yeah…sorry." Emmett hopped off the table.

I glared at all the kids. "Everyone. My office. Now." The trudged after me as we headed to my office. As soon as we were in, I sighed.

"What happened?"

Edward started. "You left the office for the surgery, and Emmett wanted to walk around, so we all followed him to explore. First, he kept dashing into patients' rooms then running off before we could catch him. Then he rode the elevator up and down, over and over. Then we passed by a nurse pushing a hospital cart just next to the lobby, and Emmett bumped into her. The cart turned over, Rosalie shouted a bit, Emmett saw the cotton swabs and hopped onto the front desk, and, well, you know the rest."

I sighed. "Emmett, you know you're grounded, right?"

"Yes."

"And you have to clean up."

"…Fine."

Emmett had finished cleaning up the cotton swabs, and Esme showed up soon after. She scolded Emmett for a bit, then sighed.

"And it goes in one ear, out the other, won't it?" she muttered.

"I'm afraid so," I replied back.

Edward checked the clock. "Carlisle, your shift's over, we could all leave now."

I rubbed my forehead. "Yes, I suppose we should. Girls, Emmett, you wait in the lobby, Edward and Jasper, stay here." Esme, Bella, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett left, while Edward and Jasper stayed behind.

I ran my hand through my hair. "If something like this seems like it's going to happen next time, you have my permission to take all means necessary to restrain Emmett." They nodded, exchanging devious smiles. Should I…nah. I quickly packed up my briefcase, and we left.

Bella and Alice were arguing over the next shopping trip. Rosalie was scolding Emmett. And…Scott was talking to Esme. My Esme. She looked uncomfortable.

"She is uncomfortable," Edward muttered.

"Yes," Jasper agreed. "And that doctor is feeling some very inappropriate feelings."

"He's having very inappropriate thoughts, too," Edward added. "He…is thinking about taking her somewhere unoccupied by other people.

Okay, Carlisle, calm down, you don't want to kill the human…actually, forget it, you do.

"Don't," Edward hissed. Jasper looked alarmed as he looked between Scott and me. I stalked over to Scott.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride home?" he asked. "Your kids can take care of themselves easily.

"I'm sure, and I'm waiting for my Carlisle, and my other sons," Esme replied. I wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Scott, what do you need?" I asked while giving him a warning look.

He glared back. "Nothing, I was just offering my services to your lovely wife." He smiled at Esme. "I hope we'll meet again."

Esme shrugged, then turned to me. "Let's go home." The kids drove the other cars back as Esme and I rode in my car.

Esme turned to me. "Carlisle, you don't need to worry about anything. I'd never be interested in a person like him."

"You should've heard his thoughts," I muttered. "Edward said…"

Esme took my hand. "If it makes you feel better, he seemed very desperate."

I smiled. I pulled the car into the garage, and we entered the house. Something felt off…

I heard Emmett's voice again. "COTTON SWABS!!!" Not again…

**I love jealous Carlisle, it's so funny because he's usually so calm and composed, then someone shows the slightest bit of interest in Esme and he freaks out. XD x infinity. I saw the Twilight movie, it was AWESOME!!! I posted up my favorite quotes from the movie on my profile. I was there with some friends, because one of them was having a birthday party there, and she gave us each a Twilight movie poster in our goodie bags. I taped mine to my ceiling, right above my bed. I told my mom I was going to, but she never thought I really would…XD. Remember, reviews = happy me = quicker updates!**


	11. Babies

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Water Droplets, Shinobi Shinigami, RoseAliceCullen, black011, xxCSILoverxx, twilight-lover9142, goldeneyedfanpire, Euffie, chrissyissy, hypertiger32, justanotherditzyredhead, Mallory Monroe, oooCharmedOneooo, sammygirl2010, Plate Captain, and twilighter97. I'm still excited over the movie, EEK! OK, I'm going to stop acting like a fangirl now (even though I am XD) and get on with the story. Also, I forgot to put this in earlier, but thank you to SarahJaneTennant for giving me the idea for this chapter! Sorry for forgetting earlier!  
**

Babies

Third Person POV

A few days later from the hospital incident, the Cullens were, once again, sitting at their table in the cafeteria, not eating. Just before it was time for the bell to ring, the PA crackled on.

"_This is Mrs. Pong, the super-intended is making me stop knitting my frogs and make an announcement. All seniors, when lunch is over, head to the gym instead of your next class. No clue why, I'm just the messenger. I – no, bad super-intended! MY MICROPHONE! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!_"

"Odd," Jasper muttered.

"Alice, do you know what it is?" Bella asked.

Alice blanked out for a bit, then cackled. Edward scowled. "Quit blocking your mind!"

"Stop getting into my head," Alice shot back. "You'll just have to wait and see…"

"Not good," Edward grumbled.

When the seniors all gathered into the gym, Mrs. Pong was sitting on a stool, obviously knitting. Frogs. Mr. Levine was pacing.

"Alright, everyone settle down. I have some news." Everyone kept talking.

"I said quiet!" No change.

"QUIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

Everyone stared at Mrs. Pong in shock, but she continued knitting, as if nothing had happened.

"You are going to have an important project today. Mrs. Pong?"

The new principal sighed and chucked a cardboard box at his head. It hit its target.

"Thank you," he muttered sarcastically as he opened it. Then he took out…

"Babies?" Rosalie asked in disbelief.

"You're project until the semester ends is to care for these automated baby dolls. It's pretty much a real baby, it cries, laughs, sleeps, eats, excretes – oh, grow up!" Some of the students had giggled at the last word. "So it's a real baby, except it's not real. Get it?"

"Obviously not," Emmett snorted.

"This project will be a partner thing, boy and girl. You may choose your partner, but – " At "You may choose your partner", everyone had started scrambling around to get the best partners.

"Bella! Partners?" Matt asked as he scrabbled over the steps.

"No, she's with me," Edward replied coolly.

"Whatever. Rosalie?"

"No, I'm with Emmett."

"Hmm. Alice?"

"Of course not," Jasper replied, glaring at "human idiot number twelve". You see, they had compiled a list of all the human idiots they knew, and the subjects on the list, in order, were: Newton, Mallory, Stanley, Crowley, Yorkie, Banner, Albright, Monica, Alisa, Zoe, skater punk in Edward and Bella's Chinese class, Matt, and Nurse Stacy.

"Are you serious? You guys have to share, I mean, you stay in the same house, you get it every night, and – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Edward, Jasper, and Emmet had picked him up and dunked him into the highest basketball net before anyone else could see.

"What the – hey, you in the net! Get down here now, or I'll have you suspended!" the superintendent barked.

"I'm stuck!" Number Twelve wailed.

"NOW!!!"

"Okay, fine, um…wait, what – EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" He fell out of the net and landed in a group of huge football jock. Mr. Levine had turned around when he saw him getting out and had tuned him out.

"Hey, punk, did you mess with my jacket? _No one_ messed with my jacket! GOT THAT?" one of them yelled.

"Say, don't we need a punching bag for practice?" another asked.

"Yeah, we do. I think we found one…"

"Cullen, Cullen, Cullen, Hale, Hale, and Hale, get down here," Levine called.

"Would you like Patsy the Poo – um, Excreter, Carl the Crier, Bertha the Barfer, Gina the Giggler, Sean the Sleeper, or Evan the Eater?"

"Evan."

"Gina."

"Sean."

"Okee-dokee, here you go – ee?" Levine handed them three baby dolls.

"Hi, Gina! I'm going to take you shopping!" Alice squealed. The baby giggled.

"Evan, you're going to love it at our house," Rosalie said. The baby sucked his thumb.

"Aw, Sean, it's going to be pretty interesting the next few months," Bella told the baby doll. The baby fell asleep.

"Miss Monica, Miss Alisa, Miss Zoe. You get Patsy, Carl, and Bertha," Levine called.

"Ew! There's something brownish on my arm!" Monica yelled.

"It's getting my shirt wet!" Alisa shrieked.

"Gross, it just threw up on me!" Zoe screamed.

The Cullens looked at each other. "We got the good ones," Edward said.

"Thank goodness," Jasper replied.

"Mom? Dad? Aunt Alice? Aunt Rosalie? Uncle Jasper? Uncle Emmett? Grandma? Grandpa? We're home!" Renesmee yelled from the front door as Jacob carried their luggage in.

"Hi! How was your honeymoon?" Esme asked.

"Hawaii is amazing. We should all go sometime," Renesmee replied.

"Well, there's still the sparkling problem," Carlisle replied. "But we can try to work it out."

"Renesmee, you're home!" Bella called from the kitchen. "The rest of us would come greet you, but we're a bit busy taking care of the babies."

Renesmee and Jacob froze. "What babies?" Jacob asked cautiously.

"Come see," Alice trilled.

The two newlyweds entered.

"OH MY GOD, GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Jacob yelled as he tried to duck behind Renesmee.

"What? They're just automated babies," Jasper said confused.

"JUST GET THEM AWAY!" Jacob yelled.

Rosalie smirked. "Are you scared of them?"

"It's all Embry and Quil's fault!" Jacob shouted back.

"What'd they do?" Renesmee called.

"I'll never tell."

"Fine. Maybe they will." Renesmee grabbed Jacob's cell phone from his pocket and quickly dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Embry, it's Nessie."

"NESSIE!" Quil joined in. "We've missed you and Jacob down at La Push. How's Hawaii?"

"Awesome. Listen, my family and I have a very important question."

"Ask away," the two werewolves chimed at the same time.

"What' with Jacob and automated babies?"

Silence. Then – "Oh, I was hilarious! We still crack up over it. It all started a couple of years ago.."

**Oh, what's the story? I've started formulating it in my head, but if you have a funny version you want me to use, review! So I brought Renesmee and Jacob back, I nearly forgot about them, actually. XD x infinity. I think I'll try Jacob's POV next. REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY!!!**


	12. Why Jacob is Scared of Dolls

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to teamedward01, LovetheCullenfamily, Nessie0304, Cat and Chelsea, twilight-lover9142, cristina-28, Forever Untitled Llamas, , Shiko87, 94pinkflowers, twilightfan12345, EdElricFan1001, and swimluver. Thank you black011 for giving me an idea this chapter! OK, so I can't think of anymore good ideas after this, so if I don't get any I might have to end this. ******** But I do have ideas for other stories, which I shall list at the end of this chapter. They're not really going to be humor stories, like this one, but I'm going to try to do different genres. Sorry to those who want to read more – unless you give me ideas, hint hint! OK, on with the story.**

Why Jacob Black is Scared of Automated Dolls

Jacob POV

"Embry, Quil, you tell them anything and you're dead!" I barked at them.

"Hmm…Quil, do you think it's worth it?"

"Yes, embarrassing Jacob is worth anything."

"Okay, so this was back when we were, like, ten years old."

"The three of us had watched Toy Story."

"And Jacob was a total chicken then."

"Was not!" I denied. Oh, chicken, I'm hungry.

"Of course you were. Anyway! Jake was totally scared of the talking toys.

"We thought they were awesome."

"Now, Jake's sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, had the automated baby project at school."

"We managed to trick them into letting us access where they stored the extra dolls."

"And my, were there a LOT of them."

"And Quil, being the little nerd he was, and is, tweaked with them for a bit."

"I'm not a nerd, you're just stupid."

"Yeah, just keep saying that. So we stuffed all of them into Jacob's closet, until it was completely full."

"We duped Jake, the ever so gullible idiot, to go to his closet.

"I'm not an idiot!" I shouted. "Or gullible."

"_Riiiiiiiiiiight_."

"So when he opened the closet, the dolls all came tumbling out."

"He was COMPLETELY buried in them!"

"You couldn't see any part of him!"

"Then they all started shouting stuff we'd recorded."

"Like, 'Kill, KILL!', 'You will die', and 'We're coming…'."

"Then he started screaming like a baby and crying."

"He didn't even try to get out by himself."

"And it wasn't until a few hours later, when his sisters got home and rescued him, that he got out."

"So that is the story of why Jakey is afraid of little dollies."

Emmett roared with laughter. "That's hilarious!"

I clenched my fists. I really better not change right now…

"I'm not afraid of them anymore," I insisted. "They just caught me by surprise today."

"Sure." Emmett smirked.

"Hey, mutt, look around." Ah, Blondie.

I turned around. There were three mechanized baby dolls right in my face.

Then they started chanting.

"Kill, KILL!"

"You will die."

"We're coming..."

"GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Like I said, I'm not afraid anymore.

**OK, I have no idea what to do next, so I might have to (gasp) stop this fanfiction and write a new one. Anyway, I promised my ideas, which were mostly stuff I thought about right before I fell asleep, so they might be stupid in some people's opinion. And by the way, I like the Alice/Jasper relationship the most to read and write about usually, so these ideas are pretty much centered around them.**

**Idea #1: It starts in the baseball clearing in Twilight, when James, Victoria, and Laurent come. James does see Bella, but he also sees Alice and remembers from when she was human and he wanted to hunt her for her blood, but now he wants her for a different reason (like Victoria wants James, only more obsessive). The pairings: Jasper/Alice, Edward/Bella, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, James liking Alice but her not, Victoria liking James but him not.**

**Idea #2: All human, though some people may still have golden eyes if I can't think of a good eye color. Takes place in the Civil War, year 1861.** **Alice Brandon is a young girl from a Union family in Oklahoma. Jasper Whitlock is from Texas and one of the youngest majors, if not the youngest, in the Confederate army. Some of his regiment raids a party at the Oklahoma-Texas border, and brings back a young girl, Alice. And then they fall in love. The pairings: Alice/Jasper, Bella/Edward, Rosalie/Emmett, Esme/Carlisle. **

**Idea #3: A new vampire has wandered into Forks. She is a newborn, but she has controlled herself around humans and doesn't drink human blood, but her unnatural traits go far beyond these. The Cullens take her in. But then things start getting a bit out of hand. The pairings: Edward/Bella, Jasper/Alice, Emmett/Rosalie, Carlisle/Esme, OC/OC (AN: starts in Eclipse, Jacob and Bella are just friends, Bella's already a vampire and Renesmee is born, Bella still goes to school, she and Edward are married but don't tell the people of Forks)**

**So, pretty please, tell me any ideas you have for this story, or which of these ideas you want me to work on, or I'll take a little break from writing for a bit. I'll think of one last concluding chapter for this story if there's no ideas. PLEASE review. I do appreciate your opinions.  
**


	13. The Worthiness of Food

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, vladibunny, Tuzki Bunny, xox-hattii-xox, MisaMisaHaHappySweets, edward-loves-me-x, oooCharmedOneooo, Jedithon, Wilting Rose 08, xXxBookAddictxXx, Emmetts-Embers01, Tia Cullen, xSheik15x, twilight360days, ShibaDG, and AuroraandRosalieWannabe. Sorry if I missed your name, and sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been waiting for an idea to come up! So I'm just sitting at school one day, and BAM! Idea. My poll for my next story is still up on my profile, and I shall keep it up until December 5****th****, which I believe is this Friday. If you for some reason can't vote in my profile, just send your vote in a review please. It'll make me happy! ******** Please please please please please please x infinity. Now, ON WITH THE STORY!**

The Worthiness of Food

Emmett POV

The mutt's afraid of dolls! This is going to be awesome blackmail…uh-oh, Edward's looking. Cue the elevator music! Dum dum dum…okay, he's looking away.

Yay, Nessie's joining us for school now! Jake would like to come, but he looks, like, twenty-five, so yeah.

Um, where am I? Oh, I'm at school already, cool. Actually, scratch that. This is so BORING! I want my cotton swabs…Carlisle took them away. I feel sad. Argh, Edward, get out of my head or I'll be bringing up some very disturbing images! Is he looking away now? Okay, good. Now I can plot something evil, BWA HA HA!!!!!

Jasper looks disturbed. "Emmett, why is there a tidal wave of evil coming off of you?"

"Nothing," I said innocently.

"You're never innocent," Edward snorted.

"Shut it, geeky boy."

"Brainless."

"Prude."

"Airhead."

"Oh, I love Airheads! Where?" Candy…

Edward's staring at me. "Emmett. You're a vampire. You can't eat anything."

"Can too!"

"Can't."

"Can!"  
"Can't."

"Can so! And I'll prove it." Ah, a nerd with a pear! "Give. Thank you!"

"Hey, that's mine!" Ha, his voice is so squeaky! Like Mickey Mouse! I want to go to Disney.

"Too bad." I glowered at him. He squealed like Sparkles and ran away. I miss Sparkles…

"Emmett, you can't eat," Jasper groaned. Edward nodded.

"Yes, I can! See?" I tossed the pear into my mouth. Whole thing. Stems, seeds, core…Oh, ew, EW! It tastes like, like – like…Alice's old platform shoes from the 70's!

"How do you know how Alice's old shoes tasted like?" Edward asked.

"WHAT?" Alice heard this. Eek. "Which ones?"

"Platform shoes from the 70's." EDWARD! You squealer.

"THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM? EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, YOU'RE DEAD!!!"

"Well, technically, I'm already dead, so –"

"Emmett, be quiet," Rosalie hissed.

"You ate my shoes! You ate my shoes! Youatemyshoesyouatemyshoesyouatemyshoes…"

"Anyway. Emmett, you can't eat food," Edward said, turning back to me.

"Know-it-all," I muttered. But I will find a way to prove food's useful in some way to us vampires, you wait and see, Eddie-boy!

"Emmett. Stop plotting." Meanie…

Lunchtime. Perfect time to prove food is useful to us! First, I should get as much as possible. Spaghetti, bread rolls, hot dogs, hamburgers, mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, rice, beans, milk, chicken…oops, I bought the whole cafeteria, pretty much. Oh, well. Let's see, straws, spoons, forks, knives…and trays, plenty and plenty of trays!

I plopped down with everyone else. They stared at all the food I got.

"You're not going to eat all that, are you?" Bella asked.

"Of course not. They're to prove food's useful to us." I smirked.

"How?" Edward asked skeptically. Oh. Um. Yeah…

Alice came rushing into the cafeteria, holding this big black case and a little motor. "Here, Emmett!"

I stared at them. "What's this for?"

Alice opened the case. A tuba? She picked up the motor and squeezed it into the tuba. Weird…Oh, I have an idea! I think I shall sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" in Finnish to keep Eddie out of my head. This is going to be awesome…

I looked around the cafeteria. No teachers. Excellent…BWA HA HA!"

"Emmett's getting evil again," Jasper muttered.

I picked up a spoon and dug it into a lump of mashed potatoes. Hmm, now who…? Ah, a chess geek (**AN: sorry to all chess geeks**), perfect target! Ready. Aim….FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh my heck!" he shouted. Oh my heck..? "There's pureed _solanum tuberosum_ desecrating my new-fangled shirt!" Ha, geek!

"Awesome, FOOD FIGHT!" some punk yelled. He stole my line! Now that punk's throwing chicken soup at people. Steaming hot soup. That's gotta hurt…

Oh, food fight! Alice shoved the tuba into my hand. "Aim it at people!" she shouted as she poured tons of mustard and ketchup into the bell of the tuba. I shrugged and aimed the mouthpiece at some of those idiot football jocks who kept flirting with my Rosalie (**AN: sorry to all football jocks**). Awesome, there's orange stuff spurting all over their fancy, primpy, leather blue jackets!

Renesmee had pushed the table and adjusted the trays so we were all protected at our little Cullen Corner. Edward and Bella were enjoying themselves as they pelted food at everyone they could. And Jasper…whoa, when'd he get that gun in here?!

He sensed my alarm and said, "It's a replica. But it works just as well in this case."

Okay, Jasper was having the most fun out of all of us here. He'd loaded the gun with all those beans and…Pt! Pt! Pt! Pt! Pt! Never going to disrespect the major here anymore…maybe.

Everyone got hit by beans and beans and beans. When Jasper ran out, he used some M&Ms, then Skittles. Alice was now using the mayonnaise and relish.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Uh-oh…the superintendent and Mrs. Pong were standing at the cafeteria doors, shocked.

"What is going on in here?" Mrs. Pong repeated.

"Food fight," someone squeaked from the back.

Mrs. Pong frowned. "And no one invited me!" She grabbed a bowl of chocolate pudding and dumped it onto the superintendent's head. "Continue!"

Everyone cheered as the fight started up again.

The superintendent looked shocked. "But -"

"Zip!" Mrs. Pong interrupted.

"I –"

"No!"

"You –"

"NOT HEARING IT!" She dumped lasagna on his head. Best. Principal. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs. Sherman entered. "What happened?"

Jasper got an evil look on his face. He loaded the gun with peach pits and cherry pits.

"THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH, SHERMAN!"

"GAH!" Mrs. Sherman danced around like a freaking out monkey as she tried to dodge. (**AN: no offense for any highly-advanced monkeys that may be reading this**)

I smirked as I turned to Edward. "Ha, I win, I proved food's useful to us!"

Edward smirked now. "We never made a bet in the first place."

Oh. Dang…Ah, well. POWER OF MELTED CHEESE! "EMMETT!"

**(Sigh)…I want to be in a food fight, but I also have no wish to be suspended and have my laptop taken away from me. In case you don't get the end, Emmett dumped cheese on Edward's head. Mrs. Pong's cool, I wish she were my principal...Now I must wait for the plot bunnies to visit again, so I may not update for a while, unless you got to my profile and vote! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! So I probably won't update on anything until I get a new plot bunny, which usually takes forever, or if I get, say, at least 40 votes via my profile or review on my next idea, or December 5****th****, whichever comes first. VOTE! PLEASE! VOTE! PLEASE! VOTE! PLEASE!**


	14. Cullens in Music Class

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to VampireGirl731, BellaHermione, Sarah. V., chrissyissy, twilight-lover9142, black011, justanotherditzyredhead, sammygirl2010, purpletwilightx, Forever Untitled Llamas, hejpingvin, and DogStar15. I have started my new story, The Cases of Emmett Pummeling Rosalie-Admirers, which is yet another comedy, though I may start a completely new poll, still with some of the same ideas, though I've thought of a new one, so if you've voted already, feel free to vote again, PLEASE!!! Oh, and I have a problem I REALLY need someone to answer or it'll be a while before I can update. I tried loading this earlier on the Document Manager (Upload) thing, and I had to delete something because it said something about reaching my 15 document limit and having to convert my documents into stories/chapters. How do I do that? And I am technology-deficient, so I'd need someone who can explain it step-by-step...  
**

Cullens in Music Class

Third Person POV

"Great, Emmett, just _fantastic_, you got all of us kicked out of art class. And Bella and I aren't even in your class period!" Edward muttered.

"How the heck was I supposed to know that a kiln would explode if I toss a match in? Emmett mumbled.

"Cheer up, Edward, at least you get to take music now," Bella pointed out. Edward smiled. He, Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Renesmee were in the music room, with a lot of other students, including Monica, Alisa, Zoe, Matt, the football jocks from the first day ("Mr. Tyson" was still in the hospital), and the boneheads that were flirting with Alice. Great…

A plump man who was just a bit taller than Alice strolled into the room. He had a curly little white mustache, and he had sideburns and a monocle. He was wearing a purple suit. Alice nearly gagged at the walking fashion disaster.

"Attention!" the man called. Emmett stifled a laugh. Come on, the dude's voice sounded like a mouse. "I am Mr. Toilette, and I shall be your band instructor. Now, who can play an instrument?"

Edward and Jasper raised their hands. They were the only ones. Mr. Toilette nodded. "What instruments do you play?"

"I play piano, sir," Edward replied politely.

"Excellent, you shall be the pianist. And you?" He turned to Jasper.

"I play the guitar, sir," Jasper responded, just as politely.

"Oh, which kinds?"

"All of them."

"Fantastic, you shall be the guitarist!" Mr. Toilette looked fairly happy. "Now, is there anyone who would like to request an instrument to play?"

Emmett's hand shot up, while he made monkey noises. "Um, can I play drums, Mr. Toilet sir?"

The teacher frowned. "Yes, you _may_ play _percussion_. And my name is Mr. Toilette."

"Awesome. Thank you, Mr. Toilet."

The teacher opened his mouth, but thought better of it. "Anyone else with a request?"

Alice raised her hand eagerly. "May I play flute?"

"Yes, yes, of course, mademoiselle!"

Bella spoke with Rosalie at vampire speed, who simply shrugged. "Sir," Bella called. "Could I play clarinet? And my sister could play violin."

"Sure, go ahead!"

Renesmee raised her hand. "Could I play saxophone?"

"Yes, you may. You can have alto."

So instruments were assigned. Emmet raised his hand again. "Mr. Toilet, why do I have to play this – this – _thing_?"

"It is called a triangle, Monsieur Cullen."

"No, that can't be, triangles are shapes."

"I assure you, that instrument is a triangle. You may switch if you must."

"Thank you!" Emmett beamed and sat down. A minute later, his hand was back up.

"Mr. Toilet, why's it called a triangle?"

"Because it is shaped like a triangle."

"Oh…so then is this thing called a circle?"

"No, that is a tambourine."

"But isn't it circle-shaped?"

"Yes, it is circular."

"Then why don't they call it a circle?"

"It's called a tambourine."

"But that doesn't sound fair. The circle gets an original name, but the triangle is only named after its shape."

"That is just how it is, Monsieur Cullen."

"Can't we start calling the triangle…um…Cullengles?"

"No, you cannot."

**"**Why not? It deserves an original name."

"The whole world calls it a triangle, so we cannot change it."

"Fine." Emmett sulked. Then five minutes later, "I have a theory on why clarinets are called clarinets, Mr. Toilet."

Mr. Toilette sighed. "Why is that?"

"Because the person who invented them was named Clara Nett!"

Mr. Toilette stared at Emmett, and then left the room. Twenty minutes later, Mr. Levine entered, looking thoroughly upset.

"Class, I am sorry, but Mr. Toilette has quit his position here."

"Why?" one of the students called.

"He wouldn't say. You'll be notified later of your new class."

As soon as he left, the class started whispering very loudly. The rest of the Cullens turned and glared at Emmett.

He looked innocently back at them. "What?"

Rosalie whacked Emmett's head. He stuck out his lip while rubbing his head. "Ow."

Edward and Jasper grinned and high-fived each other. "We were right," Edward said.

"About what?" Renesmee asked.

"It wouldn't take Emmett longer than half an hour to make a teacher quit," Jasper replied smugly.

"Hey! You know, I'm going to have to kill you two after class," Emmett muttered.

Edward and Jasper exchanged glances. The bell rang. Emmett grinned.

"Bye!" Edward and Jasper sped off, Emmett sprinting after them. The Cullen girls exchanged exasperated looks.

"They're so immature," Bella sighed.

"You're telling me?" Rosalie muttered. "Now I owe Alice a hundred bucks."

**How was it? Good? Decent? Bad? So horrendous you'll gag if you read another word? I really hope it's not the last one…anyway, I need ideas on what the Cullens' new class should be. I'll take anything from plain old boring subjects we all have to the wildest and craziest classes of your imagination. Remember to read my new story, The Cases of Emmett Pummeling Rosalie-Admirers. And I'm setting up a new poll, so vote again, even if you voted last time, PLEASE!**


	15. Fashion Show

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to edward-is-my-love x3, FriendLey, HaLeY bEtH, Twilight Awesomness, redwinggurl (you reviewed EVERY chapter in one go, THANKS), xX9SoftballChick9Xx, Edwards Twilight Princess (thanks for the compliment, yay Emmett hugs!), isa, (thank you, your compliment made me happy!), AuroraandRosalieWannabe (yes, bad Emmett, and he did lose his brain somewhere), twilightfan1017, Plate Captain, Cullenxo, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, and purpletwilightx. And extra thanks to jj1507 for helping out with my problem from earlier, to chrissyissy for giving me ideas on the new class for the Cullens, black011 for more class ideas, and to midnight-moonlight-hottie for giving me the idea for this chapter!**

Fashion Show

Alice POV

Emmett. Is. Dead. Rosalie's helping me kill him. You know what he did? He tore off the heads of all three of our mechanized baby dolls… "accidentally". How do you accidentally completely tear off a head? Seriously…

And there are no extra dolls left, so we have to do something else…_workshop_. That place where you have to take a chunk of wood and make it into a Michelangelo masterpiece.

Maybe I won't kill Emmett. He did get us out of band class and into drama, which we are currently in. But I think Edward and Bella want to kill him now.

"Attention! Attention! Welcome to drama class! I am Ms. Calliope, your teacher for the rest of the year! Isn't it awesome!" EEK, shield my eyes! What is wrong with that woman? You never put blue stripes with orange plaids! NEVER!

"First thing's first! Our play this year will be…um, where is it…ah, High School Musical! (**AN: sorry to those who don't like HSM…or do like HSM…I'm neutral in this situation, but this was just the first thing that popped up**)Now, who wants to be the costume designer!"

ME! "ME!"

"Okay, you're – Miss Cullen, right! You can do that! Now, I'll pick out the roles!"

Is she serious? She picks them out by randomly pointing at someone's name?

Wow, Bella, got Gabriella. Bella + star of show = Hilarious for everyone else!

Rosalie got Sharpay. That seems to fit her very well.

Edward got Troy…That worked out pretty well. Now he won't get jealous of the guy playing Troy and end up pummeling him to death – no, Edward, I am not plotting your death.

Emmett got Zeke. Poor Emmett, Rosalie's going to have to act like she hates him for most of the show.

Nessie's going to be Kelsey. Edward seems happy her part isn't paired up with anyone, really.

My Jazzy got Chad! Wait…that means he's going to get paired up with some other girl acting Taylor. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!

"Ms. Calliope! Ms. Calliope! Ms. Calliope! Ms. Calliope! Ms. Calliope! Ms. –"

"What, Miss Cullen!"

"Can I also act Taylor?"

"I don't know why you'd want that, but go ahead!"

Okay, good, now _I_ won't end up killing anybody.

I think I shall kill Emmett again. We're in workshop! I'm wearing designer clothes, who knows what splinters will do to them. Hey, Edward, I am _not_ obsessed with my clothes!

…

Okay, _maybe_ I am.

But that's not the point. I can't believe we have to spend another hour at school everyday to do something we don't need to know because Emmett just _had_ to reenact a scene from _The Rosin-Eating Zombies From Outer Space_ (**AN: the orchestra at my school plays this sometimes, it's a real song, though I'm not sure if it's a movie…probably not**).

"Alright, you seven kids listen up! I'm Nick, but call me Nine-Finger," some old dude with a white beard called out. (**AN: I got the name from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody**)

Emmett raised his hand. "Why are you called nine-finger?"

Nine-Finger looked at Emmett. "This is why." He showed him his hands. Oh...

Emmett looked confused. "But you have eight fingers."

"That's not important, just call me Nine-Finger, bucko!" He coughed. "Anyway…just go make something. You have an hour." Nine-Finger plopped down on a very sloppily-made stool with two and a half legs and started reading some magazine called _Incapacitated People Magazine_. Ripoff…

I stared at the chunk of wood in front of me. I could use my nails to carve something out, but Nine-Finger would probably freak. The others were also staring at their blocks of wood…except Jazzy and Emmett.

"Jasper! Emmett!" Edward hissed. "What are you doing?"

Emmett was sawing some wood. "I'm making a balsa birdhouse, shaped like our house back in Forks."

Jasper was carefully carving something. "I'm making an oak model of the Battle of Gettysburg."

Emmett's actually better than Edward at something school-related.

"Yeah, I never thought this day would come, either," Edward muttered.

"What are you talking about? PONIES!" Emmett shouted.

"Get back to work, girls," Nine-Finger said without looking up from his magazine. Bella, Rosalie, Nessie, and I stifled our laughter.

Emmett looked a bit mad. "I'm not a girl…"

"Sure, whatever you say," Jasper replied, smirking.

I sighed and picked up a chisel. No clue what I'm doing…

"ARGH!"

"Oops, sorry, Alice," Edward said, not at all sorry.

"You got wood shavings all over me!"

"Relax, it's just clothes," he snickered. Just clothes? Clothes are the center of all life! They are what makes everyone unique and individual! THEY ARE THE REASON WE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ARE FREE AND INDEPENDENT!!!

Edward was staring now. "Okay…"

I glared at Emmett and Edward. "You two owe me."

"What'd I do?" Emmett whined.

"You got us into this class."

"But I got you into drama and you get to design costumes now," he pointed out.

Perfect! Oh, stop groaning, Edward, take it like a man. "You are going to be modeling the costumes while I fix them."

Emmett's eyes bulged out. I held up my hand. "No ifs, ands, or buts." I turned to Jasper. "Jazzy, can you help, too?"

He hesitated. I stuck out my bottom lip to form a puppy-dog pout. "Um…"

"You can model the guy costumes. They can do the girls."

"Sure." Yay! Now we get to see Emmett and Edward in dresses. Perfect blackmail…

"Thank you, Jazzy." I pecked him on the lips. "You're done." He'd stood patiently as I fixed up some basketball uniforms and sweats.

He smiled. "I think I'll stay for the real show." I smiled, too. Bella, Rosalie, and Nessie were also here. "Edward, Emmett, get out here!"

I'd mostly forgiven Edward, because my outfit had been last month's style, anyway. He was modeling the lab coats and party clothes for the New Years scene…but he still wasn't completely forgiven, so he had to wear those funny hats.

Now Emmett…

Rosalie gasped, and then burst out laughing. "Oh my…Emmett, I never knew!"

Emmett pouted. He was going to be modeling Sharpay's clothes, and Gabriella, Taylor, and Kelsey's dresses at the party at the end. He was currently wearing a strapped red dress, and, as he was so big, it barely went down mid-thigh. (**AN: sorry for any mental images this may cause**)

Jacob picked this moment to walk in. He froze. Then he went into a laughing fit, and the term "rolling on the floor laughing" applied for this.

"What's going on in here?" Esme came in, and stopped. "Do I want to know?"

Edward shook his head. "Not really."

Esme nodded, and was about to leave when she paused. "Carlisle has to see this!" She pulled the camera from Bella's hands, snapped a couple dozen photos at vampire speed, and then ran off to the hospital before Emmett could blink.

Nessie checked the computer. "Hey, Carlisle and Esme posted them up already!" We all ran over to see. Sure enough, the pictures were up on the World Wide Web.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Emmett cried. He fell to the floor, dry sobbing.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, you better not ruin that dress!" I shouted.

"I'm ruined, RUINED!" he shouted, paying no heed to me.

I sighed, and ran up to his and Rosalie's room, grabbed something, and came back. He stood up immediately.

"Please, no, Alice, anything!" Emmett begged.

I pretended to consider it. "Very well, because I am feeling generous today, I shall not destroy one of your most prized objects." I tossed it at him.

Emmett squealed, yes, squealed. He hugged the object very tightly. "Oh, no one shall ever defeat the all-mighty teddy-bearness of Fufu Buttercup Poopykins!"

**Hmm…for next chapter, should I still keep them in school or have them somewhere else in town? I need more ideas, please! Oh, and my poll is now up, so go vote, people, VOTE!!! Please and thank you. XD**


	16. Hunting

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to tris-ten-S-H, Twilight Awesomeness, redwinggurl, xSheik15x, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, foggymorning20, twilighter97, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, FriendLey, sammygirl2010, 94pinkflowers, AmberlynotKimberly, DobbyWobby, TheCullenRose, Turtle, MrsMonkey7, and itsisa. And extra thanks to Edwards Twilight Princess for giving me the subject of this chapter! Oh, and remember, VOTE ON THE POLL!**

Hunting

Edward POV

"BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I froze and removed my hands from my piano. Bella, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie were in the room instantaneously.

"Emmett," Rosalie muttered.

"Don't tell me," Jasper groaned.

"Carlisle told him we're going hunting, right?" Bella mumbled.

"Most unfortunately, yes," Alice sighed.

"Is he going to do _that_ again?" I wondered.

Alice blanked out. He was.

Emmett burst into the room. "The AVOIAPASEVGB has arrived!"

Bella looked confused. "The what?"

_Duh_. "The All Vampires and Other Immortals Association Protecting Against Stupid Evil Vicious Grizzly Bears. Duh."

"Emmett, you swore you'd never do that again," Jasper growled.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't!"  
"Did!"

"DIDN'T!"

"DID!"

"How long are they going to do this?" Bella whispered to Alice.

"If we don't stop them, until Halo VIII comes out," Alice whispered back.

"Did someone say Halo VIII?" Emmett and Jasper stopped immediately and looked to Alice. "When?"

"Not for a while."

"But you two aren't getting it if you don't stop arguing." Carlisle and Esme walked in. Finally. THANK YOU!

_But – but, it's HALO…and all its eight-ness! _Emmett.

"Let's _go_," Rosalie huffed. She grabbed Emmett's arm, and they were out the door. Alice and Jasper followed, then Carlisle and Esme. Bella and I were last, as Nessie and the mutt – I mean, Jacob, had already set out a while ago.

_You better watch out, you better really cry. And I'm going to tell you why. 'Cause Emmett Cullen's coming to town!_ Emmett sang in his head. Joy. _Ooh, Rosalie's a-lookin' real good…_

"Emmett. No."

_Poopie-head._

Emmett pulled out a video camera and a duffel bag. _Sha la la la my oh my! Kiss the girl._

"Ashley Tisdale, Emmett?" I asked in disbelief. (**AN: sorry to anyone who likes/dislikes Ashley Tisdale**)

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied innocently. Yeah, right, Emmett's never innocent.

Alice blanked out for a bit – vision. I quickly tried to read her thoughts, but she'd already blocked me out. _Feliz cumpleaños de tu, feliz cumpleaños de tu_…

Alice giggled when she came out of her vision. "Nice, Emmett." Emmett cackled and turned on the camera.

He cleared his throat and looked seriously into the camera lens. "My name is Cullen. Emmett Cullen. A dreadful, heinous crime has been acted upon. And the villain's name is…" Emmett looked around sneakily. "General Grizzlybearschikov." (**AN: From Russia with Love, though I played with the name a bit. I don't own James Bond, either.**)

Bella started giggling. Jasper was smiling. Rosalie rolled her eyes. Alice tried to stifle her laughter. Esme's shoulders shook as she covered her smile. Carlisle had an amused look on his face. I was fine with this as long as I got my mountain lion.

"And now, I shall enact the worst possible form of torture …which I shall be informing you all of later, BYE!" Emmett grabbed his duffel bag and camera, and then ran off.

Everyone turned to Alice. She looked around innocently. Now _she_ could pull that off, but she wasn't that innocent. She did get a principal fired. And she made me wear those weird party hats…but at least she didn't make me wear the girl stuff.

"What?" Alice asked. She grinned and ran off. Jasper rolled his eyes, smiled, and ran after her. Carlisle and Esme headed in another direction. Rosalie drifted off to wherever. Bella took my hand. Eh, we can find out later what Emmett's planning. The lions don't wait around forever.

* * *

When everyone was done hunting, Emmett came back, grinning like the idiot he is. Jasper looked at Emmett suspiciously.

"Why is it that I'm getting vibes of anxiety and anger from insentient beings?"

Emmett's grin grew larger. "You'll see!" He took off for home.

The rest of us followed. By the time we were there, Emmett had already set up the TV, and Nessie and Jacob were sitting on a couch.

Nessie placed her hand on my face. She was wondering why Emmett was acting cocky, like he'd just saved the entire world from an evil villain. I sighed. "You'll see."

Emmett ushered us all onto seats and turned on the video. We saw the beginning, where Emmett was introducing himself.

"And now, I shall enact the worst possible form of torture…which I shall be informing you all of later, BYE!" This was where Emmett ran off. He sprinted for a bit, and then stopped and sniffed the air. He grinned. "Yes, I have discovered the evil General Grizzlybearschikov and his henchman's lair…that away!" Emmett pointed at a cave at the side of the mountain.

He silently climbed up the mountain, one-handed as the other was holding the camera. Emmett listened. "Excellent, the General only has three puny little henchmen with him right now, BWA HA HA HA!"

Emmett jumped into the cave. The grizzlies were alarmed for a few seconds, and then the biggest one, which I assumed Emmett was naming "the General", charged. Emmett merely stuck out his palm, so the bear bounced back when it collided with him.

"Surrender, in the name of all things Emmett!" he shouted. Then Emmett growled. The four bears huddled and watched Emmett. He smiled at the camera. "Viewer discretionary advised. We'll be back after this following message from our sponsor, Nature: Deal With It." He turned the camera around so we were watching a cave wall while there were some whiny noises that sounded like freaked-out animals.

Real-life Emmett laughed. "I'll skip this next part, because it's two hours footage of rock." _Thank_ you…

TV Emmett was back. "Hi, and welcome back to Emmett Cullen: From Russia with Bear. We left off right before General Grizzlybearschikov and his henchmen were punished. Based on studies I have performed on my brothers, nephew-in-law, and father, I have arrived at the conclusion that _this_ is the worst form or torture possible for any male being. Now, without further ado, I would like to introduce the new soon-to-be extremely popular show, Tea Party with the General!"

He turned the camera around. We all stared, and then burst out laughing. Emmett had somehow forced extremely pink, frilly, cupcake-like, and cotton candy-like dresses and very tall colonial wigs onto the bears. Jasper, Jacob, Carlisle, and I stopped laughing and glared at Emmett.

"Remind me again how you got us to wear those stupid things?" I growled.

Emmett smiled. "Vell, I doo haff ma veys." (**AN: translation: Well, I do have my ways.**) Emmett pulled out something from his pocket. "I have a photo, do you want to see?" He asked our wives.

Curse you, Emmett. Jasper, Jacob, Carlisle, and I tackled him. Jacob grabbed the picture in his mouth, shifted, and sprinted off.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett cried. "My picture!" He sprinted off after Jacob. Silence. Then – "OW! Stupid mutt."

Growling.

"GIVE ME MY PHOTO BACK!"

Snarling.

"Ooh…take that!"

Yelping.

Nessie gasped. "Emmett, don't hurt him!" She took off after them.

Silence again. The rest of us looked around at each other. Then the computer beeped. Carlisle smiled. "Someone's commenting on those photos of Emmett!" We all huddled around the computer.

Carlisle began reading the comments. "From shoppingpixie01: doesn't he know not to ruing a dress like that?" We all looked at Alice. She shrugged. _It was me_.

"From AABattery: isn't that the steroid dude?"

Rosalie hissed. _Stupid human_.

"From frogpong: that dress needs frogs." Mrs. Pong. Of course.

"From 3likeomg: like, we three, like, think, like, his muscles are, like, awesome."

Rosalie hissed again. _Note to self: find out where they live_.

"Don't kill them, Rosalie," I muttered. She glared at me.

"And last one, from DramaRoxmySox: that dress really flatters him, I should have him wear that during the show."

We stared at the screen, and then burst out laughing. Jacob, Nessie, and Emmett came back. Emmett looked sad. _I feel sad_.

"He ate the photo!" he wailed, pointing at Jacob. Jacob shrugged.

"What're you looking at?" Nessie asked.

I smirked. "The drama teacher wants Emmett to wear a red dress during the show."

Emmett stared. "What? Why?" He stared at the screen, and then shrieked like the little girl he is at heart. "SHUT IT OFF! IT BURNS!"

Jasper laughed. "Emmett, that's you."

Emmett paused. "Really? Oh, in that case, I look awesome."

That sounds so wrong in many ways…

**I think next chapter I shall do Jasper POV. Hmm…how does a contest to see who's the most gentleman in the Cullen family sound? Remember, five guys: Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, Emmett, Jacob. Tell me who you want to win. And remember, VOTE ON THE POLL!**


	17. And the Winner Is

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**YAY! I actually got to 200 reviews. Thank you to EVERYONE who has every reviewed. Sorry about the long wait, but I've had a lot to do this week. This chapter is dedicated to redwinggurl, JonesHazelJones, Twilight Awesomeness, Edwards Twilight Princess, twilighter97, Number-1-JASPER-fangirl, Briony97 (hmm, I might write in a little something about Emmett and cotton swabs when I can fit it in somewhere), sammygirl2010, Kari Twilight Mist, AuroraandRosalieWannabe (maybe the grizzly did…but Emmett's brain wouldn't satiate its hunger very well XD), -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, xSheik15x, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, SarahB0B, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, A Forgotten Fairy, Plate Captain, and TVluvr4life. I have counted up the number of votes people have sent in reviews to decide this chapter's ending…wait and see! Oh, and some swearing in this chapter, too…maybe.**

And the Winner Is…

Jasper POV

Emmett and I were playing on the Xbox. We were neck in neck (pardon the pun) for first when Alice, Rosalie, Bella, Esme, and Nessie came running down.

"EVERYONE! GET OVER HERE!" Alice shouted. But I have to admit it's quite unnecessary in a house where everyone can hear a pin drop – literally.

Edward, Carlisle, and Jacob were there in an instant. "What is it, Alice?" Edward sighed. I wish Edward wouldn't talk to Alice like that…yes, you were supposed to hear that, Edward.

Rosalie spoke up. "We have decided that _some_ certain people aren't very gentlemanly…so we are officially starting the first annual most gentlemanly Cullen contest."

Jacob popped another snack into his mouth as he spoke. "Well, that's not really fair, 'cause I'm technically a Black."

Nessie frowned. "Jacob, please close your mouth. That's disgusting."

He shrugged and swallowed. Bella started now. "This includes everyone who lives in this house, then. Anyway, the five of us girls have come up with a list that has the factors that decide your scores. You can have points added or subtracted."

Alice added, "As today is Saturday, we will have the contest all the way until Friday, when school ends – "

"But what about Carlisle?" Edward interrupted. "He ends work later than us."

"For Carlisle, it can end when he gets home from work," Esme replied.

"And the contest officially started when Alice called for everyone," Nessie added.

"WHAT?" Jacob yelped. "But that's not fair, we didn't know!"

"You're supposed to be a gentleman twenty-four/seven, anyway," Nessie responded.

"Ooh, what's the prize?" Emmett demanded.

"Winner gets to have all control over all electronics and cars belonging to the family for a month. In this case, it will be four weeks," Alice said.

"Any questions?" Rosalie asked.

Jacob raised his hand innocently. "Yes. (**AN: sorry to anyone with blond hair…**) What do you get when you put blondes in the freezer?"

Rosalie snarled. Oddly, I never feel offended whenever Jacob tells these kind of jokes, because they're directed at Rosalie.

Nessie whacked Jacob's head. Jacob continued on. "Frosted Flakes!"

I stifled my laughter, as did Edward. And Jacob. Emmett didn't dare to laugh at his own wife. Sure, the blond part also referred to me, but it was still kind of funny.

Bella coughed. "Well, let the games begin."

Sunday Afternoon

Jasper POV

Alice danced into the room. "Baseball tonight!" she sang. Emmett jumped up eagerly.

"Awesome! Your psychic abilities are amazing, Alice!"

Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand, and started talking about something while Emmett listened obediently.

Edward smirked. "Jasper, Carlisle, Jacob, do you want to race there?"

Do you have to ask? The four of us were zooming our way there before the others even stepped out of the house.

Obviously, Edward won. Of course. But he never got big-headed about it, thank goodness. Carlisle and I high-fived him. Jacob growled and plopped down on the ground. He was in wolf form, otherwise he'd have no chance to even get close to Edward.

The others arrived, and we broke off into teams. Esme and Nessie were going to umpire, as that was Esme's job and Nessie, for some odd, abnormal reason disliked playing…though she liked watching.

Carlisle and I immediately claimed captains, before Edward, Emmett, and Jacob could. They always did it…

I got Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie, so we were facing Carlisle, Edward, Bella, and Jacob. They went up to bat first. Jacob was up. Alice blanked out for a bit, and then pitched.

Jacob batting was rather funny. He would use his tail, though I'd think it would hurt somewhat. But he never complained. And he always hit pretty well, so no one complained about him.

Aw, he got a home run. Emmett could've gotten it, but he didn't want to run into Rosalie.

Bella was next. She got out. Edward got a home run. He smirked that I-am-superior-to you look…oh, it's on, Cullen, it is _on_.

"Aw, Esme, it can't be a tie," I whined. She shook her head.

"Sorry, it is."

"I find a tie very hard to believe," Edward muttered.

"Damn it, I wanted to win," Jacob grumbled.

"Alice, PLEASE stop singing High School Musical in your head," Edward shouted.

"What?" Alice asked innocently. "I'm rehearsing for the show."

"Really? I keep seeing a scoreboard in your thoughts."

Alice gasped. "Edward, stop looking into my thoughts, you – looking-into-other-people's-heads-weirdo-person!"

This was going to be a long week…

**(Swearing coming up)**

It was after school sometime this week. Emmett and I were wrestling (he wanted a rematch). Edward and Alice were playing chess…or rather the Alice-was-looking-into-the-future-for-his-moves-and-he-looked-into-her-head-to-find-out-her-moves game. Bella was watching them interestedly. Esme was making a scarf for Nessie. And Nessie was…somewhere with Jacob. Rosalie was reading some fashion magazines.

Suddenly, we heard a car pull up. I think it's Carlisle, but the words don't sound like his…

"Damn it! Crap. Shit. Fuck." He went on using colorful language that I'm pretty sure not even Emmett had heard of.

Alice and Edward were covering their laughter, as they had both seen this coming. Bella was looking shocked. Rosalie was looking ever-so-slightly interested, but still reading. Emmett was probably taking note of the new…words. Esme was looking absolutely horrified.

"Carlisle Cullen, what on earth!"

Carlisle was shocked as he turned and saw us all staring. "Oh, um, hello, everybody…sorry about that."

Edward was trying not to laugh. "This is all because somebody accidentally left a teeny millimeter-long scratch on your car?"

Well, that wasn't too bad…though I'd probably be the same if it happened to my Ducati, which Edward had ever so kindly given to me after Bella quit riding motorcycles. And Edward with his Volvo. And Alice with her Porsche. And Emmett with his Jeep. And Rosalie with her BMW. _Maybe_ Bella with her Ferrari, though she's not suck a big car fan like the rest of us. I _know_ Jacob with his Rabbit, which was still running, to everyone's surprise. Nessie and Esme didn't have cars, though I'm pretty sure Esme would react the same if something happened to her garden/house and Nessie with…well, Jacob.

"He did it on purpose," Carlisle seethed. He's pretty mad…

"Dr. Scott?" Edward asked.

Emmett' eyes lit up. "You mean the guy who hates cotton swabs? Can I kill him? Can I? Can I? CAN I?"

Carlisle sighed. "No, because, for one thing, we can't move out of here just yet, and, for another thing, if anyone kills him, it's going to be me…"

"EVERYONE! GET OVER HERE!" Alice shouted. I was in our room, inspecting my old Civil War gun. I quickly (and carefully) put it away and rushed downstairs, where everyone else was also gathering.

"We have tallied up everyone's scores for the gentleman contest!" Rosalie announced. The girls were all feeling very excited…

"Please, remember that they will get all control over all electronics and cars in this house for four weeks," Bella reminded us.

"And please do not kill the winner," Esme begged. Hmm, who could it be…?

Nessie coughed. "And the winner is…"

She dramatically revealed a golden envelope with silver glitter and sparkles. She cleared her throat, slowly placed her nail under the flap, and lifted it up.

"The winner of the first annual most gentlemanly Cullen contest is…"

All the girls shouted at the same time, "EMMETT CULLEN!"

What the hell?

It seemed like the other guys were all thinking the same, even Emmett. We were all feeling nothing but absolute pure shock.

"How?" Emmett cried.

"Easy. It's just a simple scoring…okay, maybe not that simple, but whatever." Alice propped up a scoreboard with all of our names and several numbers under them. "We took the factors of a gentleman, like holding open doors, 'ladies first', compliments, fair sport, _swearing_…just to name a few."

"We gave each of them point values, positive if you do the good part, negative if you do the bad," Rosalie added.

"Everyone started at zero, and we kept track of what everyone did," Bella continued.

"And the final scores are: Emmett, 140; Edward, -140; Jasper, -35; Carlisle, -110; Jacob, -2,938," Esme concluded.

"How'd I get that score?" Jacob demanded.

"You eat like a pig," Nessie muttered.

Jacob sniffed. "Well, excuse me for being the only male here who eats."

"Actually, the guys' table manners were also score, only on whether they got anything bloody or ripped during hunting trips," Bella replied.

"How'd we get these scores?" Edward asked.

"Well…you guys swear a lot," Rosalie said bluntly.

"Emmett swears a lot," I pointed out.

"Yes, but he never interrupted anyone this week, which counts as one hundred points, while the rest of you have done so at some point," Alice replied cheerfully.

"Why so high a point value?" Carlisle asked.

"We actually like being heard," Nessie muttered.

"Anyway, Emmett wins. Contest is over," Esme sighed.

We all stood there awkwardly. "So," Bella mumbled. "Emmett, what're you going to do with your prize?"

Emmett grinned evilly.

**Ooh! What's he going to do? Feel free to send a review if you have a request on something for Emmett to do. Coming up next: which one should I start first? Flashbacks from way back in Forks with Mike, Eric, and Tyler flirting with the Cullen girls and getting absolutely pummeled? Emmett discovering cereal box prizes? The long-awaited story on Emmett and the cotton swabs? YOUR CHOICE! And please, PLEASE vote on my poll in my profile. Yay!**


	18. Bumper Cars

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to AuroraandRosalieWannabe, black011, twilighter97, madeofawesome22, Plate Captain, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, Lucretia Cyphus, cullensdazzleme, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, TheWhiteRabbit23, SarahB0B, redwinggurl, the Minotaur, FriendLey, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, T3am Switzerland (who not only reviewed a good number of my chapters but also gave me an idea for a future chapter), and ewannaB3. And thanks to BaNaNaWaffles for giving me an idea for this chapter! And to twilightrox87, yeah, I know I don't have to, but it's a bit of a habit for me to apologize for, like…**_**everything**_**. And Nessie's physically seventeen-years-old. And thanks to HaLeY bEtH for giving me an idea to use next chapter!**

Bumper Cars

Rosalie POV

Alice shrieked. "No, Emmett, please!"

Edward looked horrified. "Emmett, please don't."

"Hey, he won, so he gets control over all electronics and cars," I pointed out.

"Edward, just let him," Bella sighed.

Jasper nodded. "He did win, fair and square."

Carlisle and Esme agreed. "Emmett should get his prize.

Nessie piped up, "Yeah, and who knows, this might be fun." The mutt unwillingly nodded.

Emmett cheered. "Yes, BUMPER CARS!"

…What?

"Bumper cars with what?" Jasper asked fearfully.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "With the cars, duh."

Emmett is going to die.

Edward glared at me. "Oh, hey, he won, so he gets control over all electronics and cars," he mocked me. You're dying, too, Edward.

Alice shrieked again and ran for the garage to save her Porsche. Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, the dog, and I followed.

Emmett frowned. "Hey, are you backing out of the deal?"

"No. We're just not letting you destroy out cars," Edward muttered.

"Aw, let him have his fun," Bella protested. She didn't care about her car, of course she wouldn't care. Nessie nodded with her mother.

Esme placed her hand on Carlisle's arm. "If you don't let him, he'll never let this go." Carlisle sighed. Great, five to five.

Emmett got a devious glint in his eye. This could not be good. "Jasper, want to make a bet?"

NO, WHY? Jasper paused and looked interested. "What kind of bet?"

Emmett smirked. He was reeling Jasper in. "I can totally cream you at bumper cars."

Jasper's eyes narrowed. "No, you are going to get pummeled."

"I bet five thousand dollars I win," Emmett boasted.

Jasper shook his hand. "Deal." Great, six to four…

"AND WE HAVE TO DRIVE OUR OWN VEHICLES!" Emmett shouted. A Jeep versus a motorcycle…

Jasper didn't look dismayed. "Okay, deal. Let's get started."

We were all getting ready to start. Alice was sitting in her Porsche, looking as if she were going to burst into tears any second, even though it was impossible for her to cry.

Edward was staring at his Volvo.

Jacob was rubbing the hood of his Rabbit, like a beloved pet.

Carlisle was looking at his Mercedes sadly.

Bella seemed uncaring as she sat on the hood of her Ferrari. She even looked a tad bit happy…

Esme was taking the Vanquish for this game. She looked a bit concerned as many of her children seemed to be mourning their cars.

Nessie was sitting out this time, because she wasn't as indestructible or as fast as healing as the rest of us, and Bella and Edward refused to let her participate.

Jasper was leaning against his Ducati, seemingly bored.

I just sat in my BMW, waiting to kill Emmett, who was bouncing around eagerly.

Emmett cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "We are starting the first ever Cullen Car Demolition Bumper Car Derby!"

"And hopefully the last," Edward mumbled.

We all got into our cars and started crashing into everyone else. Pretty soon, we were all too busy having fun to remember that our cars were being destroyed.

Dang it, my car's down. I hopped out and looked around. Alice, Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, and the mutt were out, too. It was just Emmett and Jasper now.

Emmett smirked and revved the engine. Jasper simply kept sitting on his bike, watching. Emmett stomped the gas pedal and the Jeep zoomed forward. Jasper's foot instantly stepped on the gas pedal and his bike zipped forward. Alice gasped as the two vehicles neared. The mutt was there, so she couldn't see what was going to happen.

At the last second, Jasper leaned sharply to the left and the bike tilted until it was almost horizontal, and the bike zoomed right under Emmett's Jeep.

Edward and Carlisle applauded as Alice sighed in relief.

Emmett looked shocked and was searching for Jasper, who was somehow managing to keep riding the bike while under the Jeep. Jasper punched his hand into the underside, grabbed a handful of wires and pieces of the engine, and tossed them out from under the car. Emmett's Jeep halted to a stop, and Jasper safely rode out.

Alice squealed, ran forward, and kissed Jasper. Jasper smiled as Emmett hopped out from his Jeep, fairly upset.

"Here," he muttered as he forked over some bills to Jasper. Jasper smirked as he pocketed it.

Edward laughed. "I knew that those huge tires were going to be a disadvantage someday."

Emmett sighed. "Yeah, but they had good times…like almost running Newton over."

Bella looked interested. "Since when did you run him over?" she asked eagerly. Bella, actually enjoying someone almost becoming a pancake? Surprise, surprise…

I smiled as I reminisced in some wonderful memories…

_Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and I were riding in the Volvo to our new school in Forks, Washington. We'd been here before, but it's been a very long time since._

_Edward was sulking, as usual. Alice was bouncing around eagerly, and probably would've ricocheted around the inside of the car if Jasper hadn't been holding onto her. Jasper was clenching his jaw, as if readying for the day of bloodlust ahead of him. Emmett was smiling as he eagerly waited for the time when he could scare the humans._

_We pulled into the parking lot, and the students stared at our car, flashy compared to these other rundown pieces of junk._

_I stepped out first, enjoying the attention. I'm sure Edward and Jasper are already suffering from the thoughts and lust of these idiot human males. Emmett got out after me and everything was doubled, as the girls joined in. He quickly wrapped his arm around my waist._

_Alice bounced out next. I'm sure Edward and Jasper are positively dying now. Especially Jasper, because those humans are thinking about his wife, after all._

_Jasper stepped out after, wrapping his arms around Alice to show that she was taken and to help calm him down and not give into his bloodlust and attack all the humans there. Even if Jasper was in complete control, I'm sure he'd do the same so he wouldn't kill all the idiots who were lusting after Alice._

_Finally, Edward stepped out. Even I can feel the lust now, and I'm not the empath in this family._

_As we walked by, we heard everyone's conversations._

"_Like, oh my god, the bronze-haired one is totally hot," a curly-haired girl whom I learned was named Jessica, not that I could care less, squealed._

"_Whatever. That big muscle-builder is hot," some red-haired girl whose name I still do not know shrieked quietly. She is now on my hit list._

"_Just stay away from the blond guy. He's mine," some blond girl whose name was Lauren shot back. Alice isn't going to be very happy._

_Now we passed by this group of guys, whose names were Mike, Eric, and Tyler._

"_Those girls are hot," Mike whispered to them. The other two agreed. Obviously, they had all sought after me first, but not for long, as Emmett scared them off easily._

_Then they went for Alice._

_That was very entertaining for Edward, Emmett, and I to watch, because it didn't involve me. Jasper and Alice were not so amused._

_Eric had tried first, by trailing after Alice and offering to carry her books for her. After that, Jasper always showed up at the door of Alice's classroom just after the bell rang, and he carried her books for her._

_Tyler was next. He tried outright flirting. At first, it was compliments, which Alice always accepted eagerly. Then it was inappropriate comments, which was not received as well. Emmett and Edward has some fun helping Jasper scare him in a plan involving paintball guns…_

_Mike was the worst. But that meant he was the most hilarious to watch. After the…thing, involving Tyler, he lay low, and he was off of our minds, because Edward was never there to hear his thoughts when he was thinking about Alice, and Jasper was too busy concentrating on his bloodlust to differentiate Mike's lust._

_It was all at a party, hosted by that Jessica girl. It was really stupid, a beach party "without the beach". In other words, she'd filled up her house with sand and decorated it to look like a beach, and guests were required to wear beach clothes._

_But it was pretty fun to watch all the males' reactions, because Alice and I were wearing thin and short cover-ups over our bathing suits (which happened to be bikinis)._

_Of course, we also got pretty upset when the girls started drooling over the guys, who were wearing T-shirts with board shorts._

_Anyway, for some reason, Eric and Tyler were helping out Mike, so when he "got Alice", their chances at me would be better. As if…_

_Alice and I made Jasper, Emmett, and Edward go hang out with the boys while we were with the girls. They were pretty distracted by the humans' thoughts, feelings, and, in Emmett's case, their glances at me._

_Somehow, Mike managed to get some of the people at the party to play truth or dare. Well, Jessica helped. The people playing were Mike, Eric, Tyler, Jessica, Lauren, Angela Weber, Ben Cheney, some other humans, Alice, and me. _

_Angela and Ben confessed their crushes on each other. Lauren put on clown makeup. Jessica prank-called Mr. Banner, the biology teacher at school. Tyler, in order to try to get police over, turned on the music deafeningly loud so even we with our vampire hearing couldn't hear what some people were talking about. Eric, with his fear of the dark, was forced to turn down the lights so low that our vampire sight had trouble seeing._

_I have a feeling that Eric and Tyler had their dares planned out, even though they didn't know we were vampires, but just as precautions. I'd swear that someone had been conspiring against us that day, because the party was also the day that the stock market went a bit haywire and a new casino opened up in Seattle, because Alice kept picking up random visions, so she pretty much tuned them all out._

_So when it was Mike's turn, we couldn't hear the dare (like I said, conspiracy). And because of the lights and all the dancing humans, we couldn't see him until it was too late._

_I think someone spiked the drinks, because even Mike wouldn't be that stupid while sober. He just hopped onto Alice's lap and started making out with her. Ew…I think Alice still has a few occasional daymares about it. _(**AN: I got "daymares" from the book ****The Face on the Milk Carton****, means nightmare during daytime**)

_I think Alice would've gladly murdered Mike, because, for some odd and drunken reason, he'd torn off her brand new designer Ralph Lauren cover-up._

_The next part was Edward, Emmett, and my favorite. The guys had come over, and Jasper broke Mike's neck and killed him. The end. _

_No, not really, though he was close to it. But Jasper did grab his neck and dump him into the cotton candy machine._

_But Jasper's revenge is pretty scary. That wasn't it._

_He'd used his powers to get Emmett to give him the keys to the Jeep, and tracked down Mike while he drove in it._

_Let's just say, Mike almost became an item on the menu at IHOP. _(**AN: I was reading Newton's Laws of Gravity by naiyangel, and I LOVED chapter eight of it, that was where I got the idea for this party, I tweaked it a bit, but it was inspired by naiyangel's story, PLEASE DON'T SUE!**)

Bella was staring in shock. "Wow, I wish I could've seen that…"

While Emmett had been telling the story and I reminiscing, all of us had been working on the cars. Jasper's Ducati was perfectly fine, and Emmett's only took a little bit of tinkering to the engine.

The mutt insisted on fixing his Rabbit himself, though it would take him forever. Edward was doing pretty well on his Volvo. Esme had stopped the Vanquish after a few dents, as she was afraid of being the one who inflicted harm on her children, so hers barely took any time at all with vampire speed.

That left the Mercedes, the Ferrari, the Porsche, and my BMW. Carlisle was doing okay on his car. Jasper was helping Alice with hers. I was doing very well on mine, if I do say so myself. We didn't even let Bella touch a screwdriver.

Finally, the cars were done, good as new. Emmett should be thankful, otherwise we'd all be murdering him now if they weren't.

The mutt needs to spend more time away from us, or we could've seen this coming.

The phone rang, and Alice picked it up. "Hello?" she asked cheerfully.

"Oh, um, is this the Cullen residence?" That voice sounds familiar…

"Yes, this is Alice."

"OH! Is Bella Swan – I mean, Cullen, there? You know what, never mind. Alice, it's Mike! It's been ten years since I've seen you! You still with Hale? Impossible…want to go out?"

**OK, please note that I got inspired for the party by naiyangel's story Newton's Laws of Gravity, which is HILARIOUS. Especially chapter eight. I loved it. Now some explanation. I know Mike is all "infatuated" with Bella, but, hey, it's been ten years, a lot can happen. So he's gone from Rosalie to Alice to Bella to Alice. So a few reminders: VOTE ON MY POLL ON MY PROFILE! PLEASE! I'm not sure when I'll start the next story, but I'll see if I can get it around New Year's. And next chapter isn't written yet, but it **_**is**_** including more Mike and one of the following: Emmett's cotton swab story (Esme POV), what happens when Emmett discovers cereal box prizes (Nessie POV), a school dance (Bella POV), or the High School Musical performance (Jacob POV). I'm not sure if I can get in an update soon, but just in case – HAPPY HOLIDAYS! And remember: REVIEW IF YOU WANT JASPER TO BEAT UP MIKE, OR I'M DROPPING THE WHOLE MIKE SITUATION!!!!!**


	19. To Kill or Not to Kill Mike

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to twilighter97, Twilight Awesomeness, xSheik15x (who's idea I shall use in a later chapter), 94pinkflowers, T3am Switzerland (thank you for the review! And yes, Mike is insane), SarahB0B, mitchiegirl14, CaseyluvsLucic17 (what's Somerville?), twilightobseesed, Number-1-JASPER-fangirl, myobsessionbitesurs, goldeneyedfanpire, .Whitlockhalex, piggy2320, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, emie166 (yeah, we all hate Mike XD), Plate Captain, madeofawesome22, PixieMidget, Ghislaine Cullen, BaNaNaWaffles, black011, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, myobsessionbitesurs, and vampirechewtoy, TwilightissomuchbetterthenHP, Annette Lee,** **k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Kari Twilight Mist, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, redwinggurl, The Minotaur, myobsessionbitesurs, justanotherditzyredhead, kakes, jhrcjmkiuh** **d, Rebecca, Pinetail Alice Cullen, and alltheships. And to AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Mike and Jessica drifted away (like I said, ten years changed a lot). He got their number by stalking them (lol well, mildly stalking, also the use of telephone operators and what not I suppose). And thanks to SunnySkies4Life for giving me an idea to use this chapter! By the way, I can NOT believe the number of reviews for this story! YAYNESS! Thank you to everyone who's reviewed! This chapter might be a bit shorter than usual, but that's only because I have SO many ideas to use that I need to work on! Oh, and VOTE ON MY PROFILE POLL! YOU HAVE UNTIL NEW YEAR'S! And I'm going to be gone for two or three days, I'm not sure if I can bring my computer, so I might not have time to respond to reviews or work on my stories. Sorry! **

To Kill or Not to Kill Mike

Third Person POV

Alice just stared at the phone in shock. Jasper looked like he was going to murder somebody. Preferably a somebody by the name of Mike Newton.

"Hello? Alice? Ali? HELLO? You know what, I'll just come over to your house! I was stalk – I mean, _driving_ the other day, and I just happened to follow your car home. I'll be there in a few minutes! BYE!"

CRUNCH.

The family stared at Alice, who was holding a piece of plastic that used to be a telephone.

Edward suddenly jumped and pulled down Jasper, who was about to run out of the house and kill Mike.

Edward tuned into Jasper's thoughts. There were a couple hundred different ideas on how to kill Mike, each idea taking a fraction of a second to run through Jasper's head, until he paused on one.

Edward smirked. "That's a nice idea, Jasper."

Emmett bounced up and down. "What's a nice idea?"

Edward shrugged. "You'll see."

DING-DONG.

"Stalker," Bella muttered as she went to answer the door. And there at the door stood Mike Newton, his hair obviously dyed a very ugly shade of orange that some stores called "Copper Penny" and arranged into a mad scientist style that some barbers called "messy". He was wearing vomit-colored contacts that some optometrists called "gold". There were flabs of fat on his arms and legs, and he had a small beer belly. He was developing premature wrinkles, and his clothes were covered in fast food grease.

"Bella? Wow, you're h – um, I mean, how you doing? Good? Fine? Superb? FANTASTIC? AMAZING? WON –?"

"Newton, SHUT UP!" Alice and Rosalie screeched at the same time. Nessie joined them.

Mike's eyes popped out as three gorgeous vampires and one half-vampire stood in front of him. "Wow, you guys haven't changed much! Hmm…I wonder if I could do a four-way," he muttered to himself.

SMACK. SMACK. SMACK. SMACK.

Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and Jacob snickered as their wives took turns hitting the idiot.

"Ow." He rubbed his head. "So…who's this?" Mike wiggled his eyebrows at Nessie, therefore making him look like an idiot. Jacob started shaking, until Jasper sent calming waves his way.

"Her name is Renesmee, Nessie for short," Bella said crisply. "She's Edward's great-uncle's granddaughter. She moved in with us…and she's with Jacob."

"Ah." Mike looked down, but perked up again when his slow-as-a-snail brain realized there were still three other Cullen girls.

"So…Bella…divorce Eddie yet?" Edward's eyes darkened, and both Emmett and Jasper had to grab him before he lunged.

"No. We love each other so much, we could spend eternity together." The Cullens stifled the laughter at the inside joke. "And every night's like a honeymoon," Bella added. Now everyone was practically choking on laughter, if it were possible. Jasper had it the worst, as he had to absorb everyone else's amusement, thus causing him to reflect them back at everyone.

Edward smiled and relaxed. Mike frowned, and then smiled and moved onto Rosalie. "Rosalie! Still looking fantabulous! How are you doing?"

Rosalie glared at him. "We're married." She waved her left hand at him, where she currently wore her huge wedding ring.

Mike's face fell, but then got hopeful as he arrived at Alice.

"Alice, let's see if you're still the awesome kisser you were ten years ago!" He puckered up his lips, and then was thrown back forcefully as Jasper chucked an oil-soaked cloth from the garage at his face.

As he toppled backwards, Emmett casually stuck out his leg, causing Mike to fall and roll out of the door, down the very long driveway, and…well, to who knows where.

There was silence. Then Jacob spoke up. "Can we go kill him now?"

To everyone's surprise, Carlisle and Esme nodded. "By all means, yes."

Edward turned to Jasper. "Let's put your plan into action."

Mike Newton stopped rolling when he ended up in the parking lot of a mall in Boston. It was very late at night, so it was completely closed, with absolutely no cars at all in the lot.

"Hello?" Silence. "HELLO?" More silence. "He – oh, hello! Spray paint! Fun, fun, fun! WHEE!" He picked up some spray paint cans from the ground and started to paint the mall's walls.

He paused before paint even came close to the wall. There was a loud rumbling, and then two blinding flashes of light.

"AH! MY RETINAS! MY BEAUTIFUL, COMPLETELY FAKE, KNOCK-OFF CULLEN RETINAS!" Mike sobbed.

Emmett sat in his huge Jeep, smirking as he revved the engine and zoomed forward.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Mike shouted as he ran for the mall.

Jacob was already on the inside of the mall, adjusting the revolving door so Mike couldn't move it after he was somewhere between inside and outside. He escaped out another door just as Mike ran into the revolving door.

"Move, move…NO!" Mike wailed. He tried to push it the other way, but Jasper was already there with a hot glue gun, lining the edges of the revolving door.

Jasper smirked and sent waves of panic at Mike, who began freaking out like a headless chicken.

Edward picked up the video camera and aimed it at Mike. "Welcome to the Cullen, Cullen, Hale, and Black Show. Today, we have a guest star, Mike Newton of Forks, Washington, USA, age twenty-eight!" The Cullens all applauded loudly.

"Our segment now is called, _Getting Revenge Because we Hate it When People Hit on Our Girls_. Newton! Please, tell us…why are you such an idiot?"

"Because I'm in love with your girls. And I'm not an idiot!"

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" Jacob muttered.

"Our punishment on Newton now commences, starting with Newton slowly suffocating to death because he is trapped in an area without oxygen."

"What? Please, NO! I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mike wailed.

Edward said in a stage whisper that all but Mike could hear, "Don't tell him, but there's really oxygen getting in. But it's fun watching him freak out."

After a few minutes, the Cullens got bored. They wired the security camera pointing right at the revolving door so it would connect to a live feed to the internet.

"Hey, look, spray paint!" Emmett exclaimed a he picked up the cans that Mike dropped. He tossed a few to each Cullen.

Random Shopper POV

I need to pick up a new jacket. This one's wearing out! Oh, a parking space – Hey, JERK! YEAH, YOU! GET OUT OF MY SPOT!!!!!

Hmph. My spot. Mine, I tell you, MINE!!!

Hey…who put graffiti on the walls????? _To find a loser, follow this arrow. _**If you want a guy hitting on your girl, look here.** See the most hilarious thing ever, right here. _**Please, someone call the asylum for this loony after you enjoy the show.**_

What the – oh my gawd, these graffiti people were right, this IS hilarious!!!

Some loser with dyed orange Einstein-hair and vomit-colored eyes and fat everywhere is screaming and freaking out. LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!

Third Person POV

"Edward, how many reviews on the clip so far?" Jasper asked.

"A couple million, and climbing at about a few hundred a minute," Edward replied.

Emmett sighed. "Why couldn't we have just beat him up?"

"Blending in," Edward reminded him.

"No one has to know it's us…" Jacob muttered.

Mike Newton was wrapped in a straightjacket as he sat in a sponge-lined room. "Cullen girls are hot, Cullen girls are hot, Cullen girls are hot, Cullen girls are hot…"

"MIKEY, DIDJA MISS US, OLD BUD?" a voice boomed from outside. Emmett entered, grinning. Edward, Jasper, and Jacob were right behind.

Emmett picked up Mike and tucked him under his arm, like a football.

Jasper smirked. "So, Mike, what do you think of the beach?"

A few months later, there was a report of a large, empty cardboard box on the beach of an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. There had been air holes poked into it, and there were remnants of orange hair-dye and fast food grease on the inside.

Mike Newton had been reported missing after being sent to a mental institute.

Further investigation showed that the island on which the box was discovered inhabited cannibals, who were in possession of vomit-colored contact lenses and a straightjacket.

To this day, no one has any idea on where Mr. Newton has gone.

**Yeah, I could've left it off at the place where they're on the internet, but so many of you wanted to see Mike get beat up. Feel free to make your own theories on what's happened to them! If you, for some odd, unfathomable reason, would like Mike back in the story, I'll need an idea on how to bring him back. So remember, VOTE ON MY PROFILE POOL! YOU HAVE UNTIL NEW YEAR'S! And pick of the following for the next chapter: a school dance in Bella POV, Emmett discovering cereal box prizes (Nessie POV), Emmett's cotton swab story (Esme POV), or the school play (Jacob POV). Please VOTE VOTE VOTE! **


	20. I Like Cereal

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Rebecca, SunnySkies4Life, Twilight Awesomeness (you never know, the cannibals might like pancakes), Edwards Twilight Princess, SarahB0B, BellaHermione, AmberlynotKimberly, PixieMidget1926, AspiringWriter91, CaseyluvsLucic17, bella-cullen1989, xSheik15x,** **JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, vampirechewtoy, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, madeofawesome22 (who has an awesome idea for a future chapter), emie166, AuroraandRosalieWannabe (I LOVE your review), Pinetail Alice Cullen, black011, haydensbabyghurl (who reminded me of some important concepts in the story), Breaking Dawn Lover for EVER,** **k3ll3nlutzl0v3r,** -**Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'**-, **goldeneyedfanpire, sailorjupiterox, redwinggurl, Lucretia Cyphus, twilighter97, devils-andevil-pixies, StantonLover4Life, Briony97, the Minotaur, ShadowCatcher, twilight-lover9142, spunkransom9, and chrissyissy. And thanks to xSheik15x and HaLeY bEtH for an idea this chapter!**

I Like Cereal

Nessie POV

Esme was in the kitchen, getting my breakfast ready. Even though I prefer blood. "Good morning, Nessie, would you like some pancakes this morning?" she asked.

Everyone laughed as they remembered the Mike story. "No, I'll just have cereal, but thanks, anyway." I reached into the cupboard and grabbed a box of Frosted Flakes.

Hmm, I wonder what Tony's blood would taste like…No. Bad Nessie.

I started pouring it into the bowl, but an object wrapped in plastic fell out first. I picked it up and looked at it. Oh, it was one of those little cereal box prizes. This one was a green light-saber spoon from Star Wars.

"Hey, what's that thingy?" Emmett grabbed the spoon. "It's all green. Are you sure it isn't radioactive?"

"It's a light-saber spoon. It's supposed to be green."

"Why'd they put a light-saber in a cereal box?

"It's a cereal box prize. They do it to attract kids to buy cereal."

"_Mail in twelve box tops to get a mail-order Darth Vader that produces realistic sounds._ I want one!"

And the biggest kid is right here…

Jacob snorted. "Good luck with that. You're going to have to wait for Nessie and me to finish this box and eleven more."

"Why?" Emmett whined.

Jacob got a mischievous look over his face. What's he doing… "Because you have to eat all the cereal before you can send the box tops in. They have ways of knowing…"

Jacob, you rock.

"Aw…come on, EAT! EAT! EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You eat them!" Jacob shouted back.

"Fine, I will!" Emmett plopped down, grabbed a bowl, and poured himself some Frosted Flakes. By this time, the whole family was congregated in the kitchen. This was going to be good…

My dad chuckled and nodded in agreement.

We all watched as Emmett brought the first spoonful into his mouth. If it were possible, his face turned ever so slightly green as his throat pushed down the cereal.

"Yum…delicious," he muttered. We all cracked up, even Carlisle and Esme.

My own breakfast lay forgotten as we watched him finish the rest of the box. Emmett sighed in relief. "Okay, WHERE IS MY DARTH VADER HELMET?"

Uncle Jasper smirked. "Emmett, you have to eat eleven more boxes, you know."

Emmett groaned. Aunt Alice came into the room with some grocery bags. "Don't worry, I have everything you need right here!"

After a few hours, we got bored of watching Emmett trying to shovel down Frosted Flakes, so we all wandered off somewhere. I don't know why, but Jacob, my dad, and Uncle Jasper are acting very suspicious for some reason…

Finally, sometime around four in the afternoon, Emmett shouted in triumph as he ate the last spoonful. We all gathered in the kitchen again, just in time to see Emmett run to the bathroom to throw up the cereal.

I looked around the kitchen. Something was missing…

Emmett came back, bouncing up and down. "Okay, where's my helmet?"

"You have to mail in the box tops," Jacob said, smirking again. Hmm…

"Fine – ACK! WHERE ARE THE BOXES?"

"Oh, you weren't done with them?" my dad said innocently. "Jasper, Jacob, and I threw them out. Sorry." The three of them started laughing.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Emmett ran to the garage, where the garbage cans and recycling bins were. "Wait, where are they?"

Alice smiled. "The garbage truck just collected them. They're a few blocks away."

We heard a door slamming as Emmett ran off after the garbage truck. There was silence, and then a gruff voice shouted, "Hey, punk, get off the truck! What are you doing? NO! STOP! JUST TAKE THE DANG GARBAGE!"

Emmett came skipping back into the house, holding a garbage bag. He dumped out the contents, and what spilled out were the cereal boxes and – oh. Ew. Gross, Emmett.

"HA!" Emmett gathered the dozen cereal boxes, and ran off somewhere. The rest of us looked at each other, shrugged, and went off to do our own stuff.

"Um…someone help?" I sighed and went to the living room, where Emmett was with the cereal boxes. He was attempting to stuff all dozen of them into one envelope.

"Uncle Em…you know that you can just take of the box tops and just mail those?"

"Really? Wow, okay." There were some shredding noises, and then he taped the envelope shut. Emmett grabbed it and ran out to put it in the mailbox. Then he came back. "So…where's my helmet?"

"You have to wait until the mailman gets here tomorrow morning to take the envelope."

"…Dang."

The next morning, Emmett was watching for the mailman, who was almost retiring. His old, decrepit truck hobbled up the road, and his shaking, gnarled hand slowly reached out to open the mailbox. Ten minutes later, he drove off again.

Emmett pumped his fist into the air. "_Now_ where's my helmet?"

"You have to wait until the envelope gets mailed to Kellogg headquarters, and they have to process it, and then they have to mail the helmet to you."

"…Dang."

A week, later, Emmett came charging into the house while holding a cardboard box. "IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!"

"What's here?" my dad muttered.

"THE ALL MIGHTY DARTH VADER HELMET!"

"Whatever," Jacob muttered.

Emmett tore apart the box and held up the hunk of plastic. "YES!" He tried to shove it on his head – keyword being "tried".

"NOOOOOOOO! IT WON'T FIT!!!!!!!!!" he sobbed.

Alice and Jasper came in. "It'll fit me!" Alice said, taking the helmet and placing it onto her own head.

She pressed a red button on the side. "I am Alice Cullen, and I love shopping!" Her voice was contorted to sound like Darth Vader.

"Emmett…You are an idiot."

"JASPER HALE IS THE MOST HOT –"

"Okay, Alice, we don't need to know!" my mom shouted.

Jasper smirked. "Alice and I shall continue this in our room." He scooped her up and raced to their room. I quickly plugged my fingers into my ears before my poor ears could get corrupted.

Emmett pouted. "No fair! I ate the cereal! It should be my helmet."

I patted his arm sympathetically. "Sorry, but your head's just way too big."

Emmett scowled. "Are they going to give my helmet back?"

My dad grimaced. "Um…I wouldn't count on that. And you wouldn't really want it back."

Oh. Gross.

**Well, that's the cereal chapter! So, a few notes: once again, please vote on my profile's poll! I'll be ending it on New Year's and be trying to get the new story up when I can. Also, your choices for next chapter are: the school dance in Bella POV, Emmett's cotton swab story in Esme POV, the school play in Jacob POV, what happens when some Cullen admirers go too far in Alice POV, some PDA in school in Jasper POV, or a little surprise for the Cullen guys in Carlisle POV. Thank you for reading, everyone!**


	21. Ready, Set, Action!

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to redwinggurl, Edwards Twilight Princess, Ilove4everJasperHale, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, Kristi-38, twilighter97, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, J'adore lire, 2cool4school, michelle, sailorjupiterox, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, Twilight Awesomeness, xLily, TeddyBear334, SunnySkies4Life, BaNaNa Waffles, twilight360days, haydensbabyghurl, SarahB0B, Lucretia Cyphus, StantonLover4Life, J'adore lire, AliceC1, chrissyissy, and FutureMizCullen67. And extra thanks to xSheik15x and Edwards Twilight Princess, who both gave me ideas for this chapter. This story got past the 300 review mark! THANK YOU ALL WHO REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and um…How do you add links to your profile???????????????????????????**

Ready, Set, Action

Jacob POV

"Good luck, Bells, Nessie." I smile and pecked Nessie on the cheek. The bloodsuckers – and Bella and Nessie – were getting ready for their school play, which was premiering tonight.

High School Musical – this I have to see. (**AN: again, no offense to anyone who may or may not like HSM**)

I caught Bella's eye and winked. We – with "we" meaning Bella, the mind-reader, the psychic, the empath, Blondie, Nessie, and me – had a plan to get revenge on Emmett for almost destroying our cars.

Revenge is sweet.

While everyone else went backstage, I shuffled over to some football jock with a buzz cut. "Psst…hey, do you want to make fifty bucks?"

_Hey, leech, this guy, Brian, he's doing it_. The mind-reader scowled at "leech", but nodded anyway to confirm that he got the message. He quickly whispered to Rosalie, who reluctantly nodded.

I handed a twenty to the jock. "Here's part of the payment. You get the rest when you're done." He nodded, and waited for my cue.

The lights dimmed – SHOWTIME! I chuckled as Bella, who was playing Gabriella, tripped in the beginning as part of her role. If she were human, she wouldn't even have to try. No offense.

I snickered when the psychic and the empath made their debut. The drama teacher had cast real nerds to play the other nerds around the pixie, and they must've been getting too much into her personal space, because the empath looked like he was going to explode.

Ah ha, Emmett's first big part – the "Get'cha Head in the Game" thing…with the dancing people…and basketballs…

I found Brian and gave him a thumb's up. He nodded and sauntered over to Blondie, in clear view of Emmett. It was hard for humans to see, but we immortals could see that he was slowing down by a fraction of a second as he watched.

"Hey, I'm Brian. Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful?"

Blondie gave a shrill, exaggerated giggle…Wow, sounds like a hyena…Shut up, _Eduardo_. "Why, thank you, _Brian_. You're looking very nice tonight, too."

Huh, what's that noise? I glanced onstage and stifled my laughter. Emmett squeezed the basketball so hard, it was deflating. The drama teacher's freaking out now.

The song was almost ending, and I waved my arms to signal Brian. He quickly ended his conversation. "So, see you around, sweetheart." He blew her a kiss and sprinted off before Emmett could crush his spine. Good thing, because we still need him…

Too bad Zeke isn't that big of a character in High School Musical, or we could've embarrassed Emmett a lot more. There was that part after Bella accidentally dumped nachos on Blondie's shirt (go Bella!) and she was looking through her locker for an extra shirt (…wow…again).

At least that was a double-whammy. One: Blondie was mean to Emmett. Ha, in your face.

Two: I had Brian go and ogle Blondie (though why anyone would want to, I don't know). Emmett was facing him, and he ended up saying "I flake".

Phase two is a success, people!

Then I had Brian run off before his neck got snapped or something.

Bella's doing that decathlon thing. I feel so insulted! There's this part where the pixie makes the chemical beaker smell really bad or something…Blondie says it was based on my smell. I don't smell that bad…maybe…

Last chance to make a fool of Emmett! Insert evil laughter here. It's that big dance routine in the "gym" after the big game – "We're All in This Together".

I have to admit, it is sort of catchy.

Don't mock me, Edwin!

Whoa…Nessie looks hot in that outfit – deal with it, Eddie. This is a free country, and I can think whatever I want.

Uh-oh…Bella, pixie, and Blondie are arguing with these three orange girls with green-yellow hair. I think their names are Harmonica, Tracy, and Joey, or something. What on earth were those parents thinking…? (**AN: no offense to anyone named those names**)

Ow! What the – BLONDIE JUST CHUCKED A BASKETBALL AT MY HEAD! I didn't do anything…yet.

Oh, she just threw one at that old lady's head. So she's not targeting me.

And another one…and another one…and another one…and another one…

Whoa, she just chucked one of those carrot-colored girls into the audience! That can't be good…but it's very funny from my point of view.

Should I help the leeches stop this…? Hmm…Nah!

_Vampires, in the house…raise your fangs up in the air…_What? I said it was catchy.

Hey, I picked a good candidate for the job! Brian somehow got a sign that said "ROSALIE HALE IS HOT" and is flashing it right in Emmett's face.

Ah, curtain's coming down, show's over. I don't think they're going to be showing again for a LONG time. This was not my fault.

Brian ran over to me. "How was that?"

"Awesome, dude. Here, take a bonus." I gave him forty bucks.

"Thanks, bud. Nice doing business with you." He shook my hand and sprinted off before Emmett could find him.

The drama teacher's sobbing for some reason. "MY SHOW! MY BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, LOVELY SHOW!"

I high-fived Bella. "Nice job."

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

"Um…Jake…no Elvis. Please."

"Fine, fine."

Emmett was spinning around, trying to find Brian's scent. Which is why I walked over his exact footsteps to cover it up.

"Where's that…that…"

I offered a few choice words for him. Nessie and Bella slapped my head.

What'd I do?

Nessie turned to Bella. "Why'd you guys start yelling at those carrot people?"

Ah, so I'm not the only one who thinks they look like carrots.

Bella shifted nervously. "Well, you see, um…"

Blondie spoke up. "There's a certain phrase called 'Payback's a –'"

Ooh, Blondie swore, BLONDIE SWORE!

"Quit acting like a pre-schooler," Edward muttered.

Nyah, meanie-head.

The carrot girl that Blondie had thrown stumbled back onstage. Blondie hissed at her.

Carrot girl straightened. "How, like, dare you, like, gross up the, like, area near, like, the Carrot Queen."

……….No comment.

**HAPPY NEW YEAR, PEOPLE'S! I still can't believe my story actually got past 300 reviews. THANK YOU!!!!! I haven't watched High School Musical in a while, so my memory's a bit fuzzy. Remember, vote on my poll in my profile! You have…eight hours! I'd say seven, because that's the official New Year where I live, but I have to go out of the house to celebrate so I'll take down the poll when I get back home. I'll try to get the next story up, though I keep seem to be thinking up more story ideas for completely new things!!! Argh…so remember, vote! And vote on the following for next chapter: school dance in Bella POV, what happens when Cullen admirers go too far in Alice POV, some PDA at school in Jasper POV, Emmett's cotton swab story in Emmett POV, a surprise the Cullen girls give to the Cullen guys in Carlisle POV, Cullens go skiing/ snowboarding in Edward POV, or a game of manhunt in Jasper POV. VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! And enjoy 2009, people of earth! Unless you're an astronaut and are reading this in outer space…**


	22. Cotton Swabs Are Now Banned

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**THE POLL HAS CLOSED! The next story I am writing is going to be about the new vampire who is very different than any other. It's going to be called Out of the Shadows, Into the Light. I have opened another poll with the SAME question but it is a NEW poll! This chapter is dedicated to vampirechewtoy, Twilight Awesomeness, Miss C Black or Cullen, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, twilighter97, BaNaNaWaffles, KaylinKatastrophic, StantonLover4Life, SunnySkies4Life, TwilightHorseGal, shamonti, emmettcullenscool, AliceC1, AmberlynotKimberly, and Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale.**

Cotton Swabs Are Now Banned

Esme POV

Carlisle and I were watching the kids all perform. We watched in shock as Rosalie started throwing basketballs at the audience. Then she threw that poor carrot-like girl!

But the play _was_ very funny.

Anyway, we all headed back home after the show ended. Emmett wandered upstairs while the rest of us watched the recording we had made of the play.

Alice blanked out, and Edward tensed. "NO, EMMETT!" they both shouted at the same time.

What do we have upstairs that – oh, no. Not again!

"COTTON SWABS! THE KING HAS RETURNED!"

Please, no…

Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle quickly hurried upstairs. "HEY, HOW DARE YOU APPROACH THE COTTON SWAB KING WITHOUT PERMISSION? I – OW! THAT HURTS!"

They came back down, dragging Emmett. Jasper and Carlisle held Emmett up by his ankles and shook him while Edward collected the cotton swabs to lock up and hide somewhere.

I noticed Jacob watching, stunned. "Why is he so obsessed with _cotton swabs_?"

Alice began telling the story while I remembered that time years ago.

_We were in London then. We had all read Harry Potter, and Emmett believed that wizards did exist. He said that if vampires existed then why not magic?_

_…That actually is a pretty good point._

_Emmett had paid some poor boy to buy anything vaguely resembling wands. A week later, a whole bunch of boxes had been left on our doorstep._

_Emmett tore open all of them – pencils, licorice, toothpicks – and he waved each and every one while shouting random words._

_Then he opened that accursed box._

_He held up a cotton swab between his thumb and index finger. "Um…what's this?"_

_Edward snorted. "You don't know what that is?"_

_Jasper shook his head in disbelief._

_Alice giggled. "I can't remember my past, and even I know what it is!"_

_Rosalie groaned. "It's a cotton swab, Emmett."_

_Emmett looked at it. "Um…what's a cotton swab?"_

_I couldn't help it, but I had to let out a laugh. So did Carlisle._

_Jasper sighed. "It's this little stick thing with two wads of cotton wrapped at both ends."_

_Emmett stared at it. "Well, what's the point of this thingy?"_

_"It's mostly used for first aid, cosmetics application, cleaning, or arts and crafts," Carlisle said._

_"But it's most commonly used to pick ears," Edward added, smirking._

_"Why would you want to pick your ears?"_

_"Humans have earwax, and they like to clean it out," Carlisle replied._

_"Can't they just use their fingers?"_

_"Humans are too lazy to use all that effort, so they have an artificially made rod do it," Rosalie muttered._

_"Ah..." Emmett observed the cotton swab. "I wonder…" He stuck it into his right ear. The whole thing._

_"Emmett, get that out of your ear," Carlisle demanded. Uh-oh, Carlisle never gets like this unless he's very worried._

_"Fine," Emmett mumbled as he stuck his fingers into his ear. His eyes widened. "Um…"_

_Edward groaned. "You got it stuck in there?"_

_"Maybe…"_

_This cannot be good._

_Jasper and Edward kept Emmett's head tilted while Carlisle tried to get the cotton swab out. "My fingers are too big. Alice, do you mind?"_

_Alice gagged. "Of course I mind! I do NOT want to stick my fingers in Emmett's ear!"_

_"Rosalie?"_

_"I just got a manicure."_

_I sighed and got up. "I'll do it." I approached Emmett cautiously. I squinted. This is awkward…_

_Emmett twiddled his thumbs and looked out the window. "LOOK, IT'S A HOUSE-ELF!"_

_Edward and Jasper tumbled over when Emmett shot up and raced outside. We looked at each other and chased after him._

_"Emmett, stop!" Carlisle shouted._

_"But it's – oh. Never mind, it's just a squirrel." Emmett trudged back into the house sadly._

_I looked into his ear again. "I think it's gone."_

_"Did it fall out while he was running?" Jasper asked._

_Emmett shook his head. We could hear, very faintly, something rattling inside his head. And I don't think it was his brain._

_"It got inside his head," Edward stated._

_"AH! NO! EVIL COTTON SWAB IS GOING TO KILL ME!" Emmett cried._

_"Well…I suppose we'll just have to wait until it comes out – someday," Carlisle sighed._

_Jasper sat down on the couch and turned on the television. There was some sort of history program involving javelins. Emmett was watching it intently, but I didn't think anything of it. Oh, how much I regret that…_

_The next day, Emmett was gone from the house. Along with all those boxes of cotton swabs. I was hoping he had gone to dispose of them. Wishful thinking._

_Alice gasped and sat up. "I think we need to head over to the park. NOW."_

_We hurried out of the house and stopped dead._

_We could see because of our vampire sight. Emmett was hidden in the branches of a very large tree, the boxes of cotton swabs balanced precariously on the branches by him._

_A middle-aged man walked by the tree. A flurry of cotton swabs suddenly attacked him._

_"What the – WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" he shouted._

_More cotton swabs came. "You have done wrong by looking at another man's woman!" Oh, yeah, that man had been looking at Rosalie the other day._

_"What are you talking about? I have a wife!" he shouted while he looked around for the source of the voice._

_"That make it worse! DIE! OBEY THE COTTON SWAB KING! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_"Ow! Stop that! Ouch!"_

_"Should we be stopping this?" I whispered._

_"No, this is too funny." Edward smiled and watched the show._

_A teenage girl walked by now. More cotton swabs came at her. "Who did that?"_

_"You have dared to insult the cotton swab king's love!"_

_"Um…who are you talking about? That's a lot of girls to pick from."_

_"GOSSIP! YOU ARE A GOSSIP! DIE AND OBEY THE COTTON SWAB KING! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_"This is getting out of hand," I muttered._

_"Who let Emmett read Harry Potter in the first place?" Carlisle asked._

_Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie all looked at each other and each pointed to a different person. "I can ground all of you," Carlisle said._

_He looked at the mess of cotton swabs on the ground. "Or I can make you all clean up this stuff. Take your pick."_

_Their hands pointed at someone else now, but still pointed at different people._

_"How are we getting Emmett down?" I asked._

_Jasper turned around and looked at the tree. The cotton swabs stopped flying, and the man and girl hurried away._

_Carlisle sighed. "Emmett, get down here – NOW."_

_"WHO DARES TO DISOBEY THE – oh. Hi, Carlisle." Carlisle glared at him. Emmett fidgeted. "Hey, so, how's it going?" _(**AN: this may sound familiar because it's from Wizards of Waverly Place, but there's this guy at my school who says this when he wants something or is in trouble**)

_"Emmett, get down now. Bring the boxes with you."_

_Emmett climbed down sadly and kicked the trees. It began raining cotton swabs. I cringed. Carlisle turned to the kids. "All five of you are going to be cleaning this up."_

_They started arguing. "But I just got a manicure!"_

_"I need to go shopping!"_

_"I'm in the middle of composing music!"_

_"I had no part in this! Their emotions gave nothing away."_

_"CUPCAKES!"_

_We all stared at Emmett. He looked back innocently. "What?"_

_He really was confused._

_A little girl came skipping into the park. "Ooh! What's this?" She picked up a cotton swab._

_"BACK OFF! THOSE ARE MINE! THEY BELONG TO THE KING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_Oh, joy._

"And for some reason, every time Emmett sees a cotton swab, he starts acting like that all over again," Alice concluded.

"Wow…" Jacob muttered.

"And Emmett's still an idiot," Rosalie muttered.

"But I'm your idiot." Emmett grinned at her.

She smacked his head. Something came flying out of his ear. Emmett picked it up. "Hey, the cotton swab came out!"

Wait…cotton swab…Emmett…

"THE KING HAS RETURNED! BWA HA HA!"

Nooooooooooo…why me?

**And that's the cotton swab story. It might not be that funny, because I have a cold…and it's New Years, so I didn't get a lot of sleep…but I wanted to get something up. Remember, I have that new story! And vote on my new poll in my profile. And vote for one of the following for next chapter: school dance in Bella POV, what happens when Cullen admirers go too far in Alice POV, some PDA in school in Jasper POV, Cullens go skiing and snowboarding in Edward POV, a surprise the Cullen girls give to the guys in Carlisle POV, or a game of manhunt in Jasper POV. Vote! And um…vote! Yeah. Happy 2009, peoples! **


	23. No PDA

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to twilighter97, sailorjupiterox, madeofawesome22, Twilight Awesomeness, SunnySkies4Life, Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale,** **JaCkSoN** **RaThBoNe Is MiNe, ShadowCatcher, Edwards Twilight Princess, twilightfanpire1023, twilightluvr12 (who has a potential and awesome idea for a future chapter), AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Wow, sparkles456, rosalie123, redwinggurl, StantonLover4Life, Polyphony, Ilove4everJasperHale, lesharostormraven (your review sounds like one of those you see in the newspaper!), mrsjaspercullen95, twilight360days, BaNaNaWaffles, shamonti, Julessssssss, sparkled456, twilightpixie54321, BellaHermione, and -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-. Again: vote on my new poll in my profile! It is, once again, the same question, but a new poll, and it has NINE choices for you to vote, and you get THREE votes! VOTE! Please and thank you. **

No PDA

Jasper POV

We were on our way to school. Yes, we're still in school. Even after that disastrous play, we haven't been expelled…yet.

I think Emmett's plotting revenge on us for paying that guy to flirt with Rosalie, but, according to Alice, he keeps changing his mind, and, according to Edward, he keeps blocking his mind and mentally singing the Barney theme song.

I do not want to know why he even watches that thing. I mean, really, a dancing and talking purple dinosaur surrounded by little kids? (**AN: no offense to anyone who has at some point enjoyed watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur**)

Well, I don't think he's going to punish Rosalie, because she's his wife and he keeps thinking that she's innocent.

So that leaves Bella, Edward, Alice, and me. He's not getting Nessie, because once she puts on the puppy dog face, Emmett believes anything she says. And he already got Jacob by cutting off his hair, so if he turns into a wolf, he looks like a giant, hairless rat.

He's off hiding somewhere now.

Oh, no, we're pulling into the school now. Maybe if we stay away from Emmett for the rest of the day, we'll be perfectly safe…

"SO, BELLA, HOW WAS IT LAST NIGHT WITH EDWARD? HUH?"

Ah, he's gotten Bella already. If she were still human, she'd be blushing like a tomato.

"THOSE WERE SOME _VERY_ INTERESTING NOISES I HEARD LAST NIGHT."

Everyone's staring. Poor Bella. Edward, go save her. Edward wrapped his arms tightly around Bella. Emmett chuckled and began concentrating on something.

Edward groaned. "Emmett, stop that."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're thinking it right now!"

"Uh huh…not real good proof, Eddie-boy."

I'm getting a really intense wave of annoyance – and disgust – from Edward. Two down, two to go.

A guy holding a cup of coffee suddenly came by. Emmett stuck out his foot, and down went the human…spilling coffee all over Alice's new designer purse.

Everyone was still staring, so Alice clenched her teeth and sent death glares at Emmett. I can feel them all the way over here.

Oh – dang. I'm next.

Alice and I were sitting in our first period. The teacher was in the middle of his lecture when something hit me. Very badly. And intensely.

I am going to kill Emmett for this.

I turned my head and started staring at Alice. The lust was too much, so I started sending it out to random students, like that geek in the corner, the prissy cheerleader, the rebel – and Alice.

She straightened and turned to look at me. Our eyes had the same desperate look. The teacher for this class was a guy.

I raised my hand. "May I use the restroom?" He nodded and continued on with his speech, not noticing that several of his students were busy concentrating on other – needs.

I walked out and into a deserted hallway with abandoned classrooms and began pacing. A minute later, Alice came back out after "convincing" the teacher she needed to go.

I grabbed her, and we fell into a janitorial closet. I swear, I can hear Emmett laughing somewhere. He's dead.

It was lunchtime. Alice and I had our trays of food that wasn't going to be eaten. I slammed mine down on the table, and we glared at Emmett.

He smirked. "Had a nice time in first period?"

Edward grimaced. He'd heard our thoughts.

Emmett cackled. "No need to thank me! And now that I've gotten back at all of you, who wants to help me get back at some annoying, over-flirtatious jocks and cheerleaders?"

That got our attention.

There just happened to be an assembly during the last class of the day. Seriously, we did not plan this. We were just lucky.

We found the perfect seats. The speakers and teachers couldn't see us unless they craned their necks, and almost all the students could see us.

I sent tiny waves of lust to the humans that irritated us more: the Carrot Trio and the jocks. They shifted uncomfortably around.

Emmett grabbed Rosalie and, quoting Jacob, "began sucking faces". Bella and Edward followed suit. Alice and I smiled at each other then copied them.

I strengthened the lust, and then the human idiots started making out.

Mrs. Pong looked up from her knitting and frowned. She got up, approached the idiot who flirted with Alice the other day, and whacked his head with a newspaper.

"No PDA!"

The other teachers followed suit with the other students. One of the carrots stood up and pointed at us. "But they're doing it, too!"

We'd already separated. Poor Nessie, she was sitting uncomfortably near us.

Mrs. Pong frowned. "No lying! Detention for all of you."

"But – but – but –"

Mrs. Pong just shook her head and walked back to her seat, picking up her knitting again. The idiot humans settled back down, embarrassed while everyone else stared at them.

I sent the waves again, and the six of us restarted the cycle. The idiots started making out again. Mrs. Pong looked up once more and whacked them all on the head.

"Stop that! Go sit in the corner!" They did so, and she stuck dunce caps on all their heads. Ha, serves them right.

Emmett snickered and started taking pictures with his camera phone. I have a feeling he's going to be updating some Internet stuff soon.

Emmett's triumphant, Rosalie's bored though with a slight hint of satisfaction, Bella's smug although a bit wary, Edward's cocky, Alice's even more bouncy than normal, and Nessie's VERY uncomfortable.

Eh, let her parents deal with it.

I observed some more. Edward was glaring at some boy named Matt, who was one of the dunces.

"Say, Jasper, can you do me a favor…?"

Edward made all of us wait after school. The human named Matt had gotten together with one of those carrots during the assembly, and Edward was planning something against him.

The carrot was walking over, Mrs. Pong conveniently at her side. Matt was around the corner, opening a chocolate bar to eat.

This is going to be disgusting. Edward gave me the signal.

The carrot and Mrs. Pong turned the corner. The vegetable shrieked. "OH MY GAWD, MATT, WHAT THE SHITAKE MUSHROOM ARE YOU DOING TO THAT CHOCOLATE BAR?"

Mrs. Pong was full of shock and disgust. "Young man, I told you, NO PDA!"

Hope you're happy, Edward. Because there's some people who're going to be scarred for life.

**(Cough Cough) Hope **_**I**_** didn't scar you guys with that last part…please don't sue me if you require therapy for the rest of your life. Yeah, I had something planned for this chapter, but it didn't come out very well, and if I did it another way, it would've been very boring. Anyway, vote on my new poll in my profile! It has NINE choices! And you get THREE votes! And for next chapter: school dance in Bella POV, what happens when Cullen admirers go too far in Alice POV, Cullens go skiing/snowboarding in Edward POV (I'm planning a snowboarding race with the guys for this one), a surprise the Cullen girls give the Cullen guys in Edward POV, or a game of manhunt in Jasper POV. VOTE! PLEASE! And thank you to everyone who's reviewed!**


	24. Flowers, Flowers, and Flowers

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This story got past 400 reviews!!! This chapter is dedicated to twilighter97, .Birds, IKD, KelseyCullen-Black, Twilightsoccerplayer, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, ShadowCatcher, JonesHazelJones, rosalie123, SunnySkies4Life, Edwards Twilight Princess, Twilight Awesomeness,** **JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, sailorjupiterox, Marissa,** **HaLeY bEtH, Mandi, Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, Lucretia Cyphus, shamonti, skyechaos, redwinggurl, edwardcullenplease:), twilight360days, TwilightHorseGal, Prisealanne, madeofawesome22, BookwormGail, and xXSoftballChickXx. I just heard about this website called , and there's this awesome thing with Twilight Award nominations and stuff. I just nominated some of my favorite stories! And the webpage looks so cool. Oh, and I have a favor to ask of you guys…there's a story, Crush by piercek7, its summary is "What if someone from Italy took a liking to a Cullen?" And I LOVE it, I absolutely **_**LOVE**_** it! Even though it's a one-shot! And I was hoping the author would continue it, or at least tell who the POV is. Please read it! Oh and I got the idea for this chapter from this story called Just random twilight thoughts by AnitkaQuad. DON'T SUE ME!**

Flowers, Flowers, and Flowers

Alice POV

Finally, the weekend's coming up! My Jazzy will get a break from all that bloodlust for two days. I love Fridays, too…

My body froze – vision.

_Red. Pink. Orange. Blue. Purple. Yellow. Some green. White. More red. Even more red._

WHAT KIND OF A VISION IS THAT? Is it a rainbow? Or is it some human having a seizure or something? Ugh…

I turned to Edward, who was driving. He shrugged, also confused by the vision. Jasper looked at me questioningly.

"I had a vision that was…well, very colorful."

"Oh." He wrapped his arms around me. I forgot about the vision.

Big mistake.

We got home, and Esme looked very excited for some reason. Oh, yeah, there's some sort of HUGE sale at the florist or something. Not that we'd ever need a sale, what with our practically unlimited amount of money, but Esme still preferred sales.

"Well, I'm going to go do some shopping. Bye!" She waved and ran out, taking Edward's Volvo.

We all went to do our own stuff. Edward and I played chess. We didn't even move a single piece when Esme came back a few hours later, holding a bunch of flowers.

"That place was so crowded! There were a lot of kids from your school there."

I frowned. Why would they all want to get flowers? I tried to see what was going on, but I just saw all those colors again. Meh.

Edward, Bella, Nessie, Jacob, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and I were all in the basement, having a DanceDance Revolution contest. I was winning. Ha!

We heard some very large trucks pulling up the driveway, and a lot of big, buff guy grunting as the hauled stuff over. The doorbell rang, but we were all too busy watching Edward and Emmett compete to answer it, so Carlisle and Esme, who were upstairs, did.

"Is this the Cullen residence?" we vaguely heard a gruff voice say.

"Yes, it is," Carlisle replied politely.

"We have a very large delivery for Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen, Renesmee Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale, and Bella Hale."

"Did we or any of the kids order something?" Esme asked Carlisle.

"No, this is a delivery from some 'friends' of yours. We just need a signature, please." There was the sound of scribbling barely heard over the blaring TV.

"Alright, boys, BRING IT ALL IN!" the voice shouted. I sniffed the air, but Jacob's scent still covered up most smells. I shrugged and turned back to the contest.

Dang it, I keep seeing all these flashes of color!

"Sir, how are we supposed to fit all this into our house?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't know. This house is pretty big, I'm sure you can figure it out." There was some shuffling. "No, guys, let's fill up the basement first, we'll work bottom up."

Esme gasped. "Wait, the kids are –"

"EEK!" Nessie shouted as a giant wave of flowers tumbled down the basement. Jacob yelped and pulled her back.

Bella shut off the television, and Edward scooped her up. Emmett picked up Rosalie, and Jasper held me up as the guys all jumped onto the couch with us in their arms.

"Come on, boys, there's still tons more!" Oh, noooooooooooooooooooo…

"Come on, we have to get up!" Edward called as, with Bella in his arms, he ran upstairs. The rest of us followed. Carlisle and Esme were by the front door and spotted us.

"You might want to get to a higher level," Carlisle advised us.

Esme turned outside and gasped. "_Why do you people have a dump truck_?"

The delivery guy looked sheepish. "Sorry, ma'am, it was the only way for us to be able to get all these flowers in here, and if we leave them outside or take them back, we're all fired."

"INCOMING!" someone else yelled. We all jumped when we saw another flood of flowers raining down on us.

"Nessie!" I heard Jacob shout. We were all separated as wave after wave of flowers poured into the house. I can't believe this, eight vampires, a half-vampire, and a werewolf defeated by a ton of _flowers_!

"Whoa!" The flood of flowers stopped, and I sat up. Dusty boxes, old antiques…HOW'D I GET UP INTO THE ATTIC???

"Jazzy!" I shouted.

There was the noise of something shifting around, and I heard him shout, "Alice?"

"Where are you?" I called back.

There was silence. "I'm lost!" There was something shuffling. "I think I'm between the couches in the living room."

"Alice? Jasper?"

"Edward? Where are _you_?" I asked.

"Um…I think I'm _inside_ my piano…"

That would be hilarious if this situation wasn't so embarrassing for all of us.

"Where's Bella?" he asked worriedly.

"Edward?"

"Bella! Where are you?"

"Er…I'm kind of hanging on a ceiling fan right now while a few tons of flowers are acting like the floor so it's making me feel almost claustrophobic."

Something broke in the basement. Emmett shouted up, "Hey, guys? Yeah, I think we're going to need a new pool table."

"Is everyone alright?"

"We haven't gotten everyone yet, Carlisle. Where are you?" Edward asked.

"I'm caught in the blinds on one of the kitchen windows."

Emmett suggested, "Why don't you just tear them apart to get free?"

"Carlisle, don't you dare! Those are specially designed Venetian blinds!"

"Esme? Where are you? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just…stuck. Up. The. Chimney."

Emmett cackled. "Mrs. Claus is here early this year!"

"What did you say, Emmett?" Esme asked sweetly.

"Uh…nothing, Mom."

"Emmett, get me down from here!"

"Rosie, where are you?"

"I'm stuck in my closet."

"Hey! Where is everybody?"

"Nessie!" Bella shouted in relief. "Where are you?"

"I think I'm somehow in the refrigerator. It's getting cold in here."

"Carlisle!" Esme called. "Can you get Nessie out?"

"Sure! I'll get right to it as soon as I get out of these blinds without tearing them."

"What the – OW!" we heard Jacob shout.

"Jacob? Where are you?" Nessie shouted.

"I don't know – ouch! Yeah, my head's stuck between the railings on the stairs."

"Are the railings metal?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"So you're on the basement stairs. Just bend the bars, get out, and straighten them back out again."

"Alright…ow, that hit my ear…ouchie…okay, I'm free!" We heard him straightening the bars again.

"I'm out of the blinds!" Carlisle shouted.

"It's getting REALLY cold!"

"Hang on, I'm coming." We heard the refrigerator door open. "There. Nice and safe."

"Thanks, Grandpa!"

There was more crunching. "Um…" we heard Emmett mutter, "I think we need a new ping-pong table, too."

"Yes, I'm out!" Jasper shouted. "Alice, where are you?"

"In the attic," I shouted back.

"I'm going to kill whoever sent these things…" he muttered as he made his way over. I saw a heap of flowers move, and Jasper's head poked out. "There you are, my little pixie."

"Thank you, Jazzy." I kissed his nose as he pulled himself up.

"So…what are we going to do with all these flowers?" he asked.

"We'll figure that out later. For now, we need to figure out how to get out of the house first," Carlisle said.

"I think I'm out of the piano now," Edward announced. "Bella, which room are you in?"

"Uh…I think ours."

"Alright, drop off of the fan."

"Okay…" We heard a small thump. "Thank you, Edward."

"ROSIE, I'M COMING!" Emmett hollered as he climbed up the stairs.

"Thanks, Emmett."

"Okay, everyone find the nearest window or door to the outside and get out," Carlisle declared.

Jasper opened the attic window. "Ready?"

"Ready." I took his hand, and we both leapt out. Edward and Bella came out the window to their room. Emmett and Rosalie jumped out the window to their room. Jacob clambered out of the basement window. Carlisle and Nessie made their way out through the kitchen door. And Esme – well, she pushed herself up the chimney then hopped off the roof.

We all turned to stare at the house. It was overfilling with flowers. "Who gave us those stinking flowers?" Emmett griped.

Edward replied, "The people from school, some of Carlisle's colleagues, and some people Esme met while she was out."

Jacob frowned. "What, no flowers for me?"

"Good thing there weren't any flowers for you, or the flowers would be spilling out of the house," I replied.

"So…how are we getting rid of these flowers?" Bella asked.

I smiled as an idea came to my head.

Lauren POV (**AN: ha, you weren't expecting that, were you?**)

I was, like, watching this, like, sitcom when someone, like, totally rang the doorbell. Jessica and I, like, are roommates and, like, share this house.

We're both, like, home now, and she's, like, reading a People magazine.

I opened the door. There was, like, this guy, like, standing there holding, like, this flat, square thing with, like, a metal clippy thing holding, like, papers.

"Do Miss Jessica Stanley and Miss Lauren Mallory live here?" he asked, like, totally bored.

"Yeah. Like, why?"

"We have a large shipment from Boston for you two. Sign here." Like, whatever. I signed the paper on the, like, square clippy thing.

"BRING IT IN, BOYS!" the guy, like, totally shouted.

Jessica, like, joined me at the door. "Who sent us flowers?" she asked.

"They're staying anonymous," the guy said. "And they forwarded the delivery to you after they got the shipment."

A, like, huge truck came over. "What's happening?" Jessica whispered.

"DUMP IT!" the guy, like, yelled.

"EEK!" we both, like shouted. Jessica shouted, so I, like, shouted. I don't know why, but, like, there's this, like, REALLY pretty rainbow coming.

**Again, I got this idea from AnitkaQuad's story, so I am not claiming to have made this up, the inspiration was from AnitkaQuad's story. And now for some messages: PLEASE VOTE ON THE POLL IN MY PROFILE!!! It has NINE choices, and you get THREE votes! And vote for one of these next chapter: school dance in Bella POV, skiing/snowboarding trip for the Cullens (Cullen guys will have a snowboarding race!) in Edward POV, a surprise the Cullen girls give the guys in Carlisle POV, a game of manhunt in Jasper POV, or a Cullen Guys vs. Cullen Girls War in Esme POV. VOTE! PLEASE!!! And please read the AN at the top. THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!**


	25. Vampire Hunt

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to emie166, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Twilight Awesomeness, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, Ilove4everJasperHale (who has an awesome idea for a future chapter), EdwardsTwilightPrincess, Lucretia Cyphus, coolstarr41, redwinggurl, Twilightsoccerplayer, Anjalit2624, SheWhoPlaysInTheBand, sailorjupiterox, mrsjaspercullen95, StantonLover4Life, Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale, Annette Lee, SunnySkies4Life,** **HaLeY bEtH, twilighter97, madeofawesome22, KelseyCullen-Black, Lolly Twilight 95, Megabitesz, TwilightHorseGal, ShadowCatcher, and ..Jacob. So remember, VOTE ON THE POLL IN MY PROFILE! And check out Crush by piercek7, it's about what happens if someone from Italy likes one of the Cullens. It's only about 500 words, and I LOVE it! Anyway, story time!**

Vampire Hunt

Jasper POV

We were all watching the situation at Jessica and Lauren's house via a video camera that was on the delivery guy's clipboard. Don't ask how we got it there.

I checked the time. It was only noon on a Saturday. Now what were we going to do for the rest of the weekend?

Emmett was reading a book. I glanced at him, uninterested, when I suddenly looked back at him, shocked, my eyes bulging out. Emmett was _reading_? Surprises never end…

He was reading something called "Games to Play Outdoors" (**AN: not sure if this is the exact title, but I did once see a book called something like this**), then he slammed it down onto the table.

Esme frowned. "Emmett, don't break the table!"

Emmett was very excited. "I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO! WE CAN PLAY MANHUNT!"

"What's manhunt?" Nessie asked.

Emmett gaped at her. "What's manhunt, she says? Only the most awesome game of all time!"

"Including baseball?" Edward asked skeptically.

Emmett thought for a bit, and nodded. "Including baseball," he said solemnly.

We all gasped. Emmett, our most avid baseball fan, found a game better than _baseball_? Yet another surprise!

"So it's kind of like ultimate hide-and-seek-tag. It's best played at night, for a scarier effect, but us vampires –" Nessie coughed "– and half-vampire –" Jacob cleared his throat "– and werewolf don't get scared of the dark. Right, _Eddie_?"

I stifled my laughter as Edward glared at Emmett. Emmett simply looked back innocently (Emmett? Innocent? Yeah, right.) and continued.

"So there's an 'it' person, and they count to one hundred. Then the other players, the more the better, by the way, either go solo or in pairs or groups of threes or small groups like that. They find a place to hide, or they can keep moving and try to avoid the 'it' person.

"The 'it' finishes counting, and they start hunting the others. They have to tag them, and when they are, they also become man-hunters, so if the first tags a second, there are now two man-hunters, and so on.

"The best place to play is usually a forest, like our backyard. Last person tagged is the next 'it' for the next round."

That sounds awesome. Edward nodded. "Yeah, that sounds pretty good."

"Okay, who's playing?" Emmett shouted excitedly. Too excited! OVERLOAD! I started bouncing up and down.

Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance. "We'll sit this one out," Carlisle decided.

The rest of us played. Emmett cleared his throat. "Now, to decide who's 'it'! Everyone stick your foot in."

Alice interrupted, "Emmett, I can just tell you who –"

"STICK YOUR FOOT IN!" Emmett screamed.

Alice quickly put her foot in, as did the rest of us. Emmett grinned broadly and started.

"King Tut had a butt. What color was it?" His finger pointed at me.

I shrugged. "Purple."

"P-I-R-P-U-L-L. Nessie, you're not 'it'!"

Bella raised her eyebrows. "Emmett, that's not how you spell –"

"NYEAH!"

"But –"

"IP!"

"That –"

"BLEGH!"

I sighed in boredom as Emmett continued. Finally, the only one left was he. "I'M 'IT'!" he shouted. "1…2…3…4…"

We split. We all decided to go solo. It was more fun that way. Just barely five minutes into the game, I heard Emmett give a battle cry (a Union battle cry at that: note to self, kill Emmett later) and Nessie huffing as she got tagged.

I leapt up into the branches of the trees and moved around every few minutes or so. Half an hour into the game, I heard Nessie shouting triumphantly as Jacob whimpered sadly.

As I was moving, I caught sight of Rosalie just leaning against a tree, looking at her nails. Again. An hour into the game, Emmett started giving off rays of triumph as he got Rosalie, who remained indifferent.

I saw Bella balancing precariously on a branch. Even as a vampire, she was still ever so slightly clumsy, if that were possible. Three hours into the game, Bella groaned as Emmett tagged her.

Six hours into the game, Alice and I briefly met as we ran in opposite directions. Not long after, Jacob barked triumphantly when he got Alice.

I found a ditch surrounded by flowers. Hopefully, our last flower encounter would keep them away. I mean, I was getting a bit freaked out myself. Eleven hours into the game, I lifted my head up and looked around, when someone's teeth were at my neck.

Alice giggled. "Gotcha!"

I smiled. "How'd you find me?" She just tapped her head and snuggled into me. I wrapped my arms around her happily when she got another vision and smirked.

"Bella's going to get Edward. He really needs to get that big fat ego of his down."

Sure enough, twelve hours into the game, Edward mutter something as Bella caught him off-guard, as he couldn't read her mind, so he didn't hear her.

"OLLIE OLLIE OXEN FREE!" we heard Emmett scream. Alice and I ran over. Everyone was gathered.

Bella looked at Emmett, confused. "Emmett, 'Ollie Ollie Oxen Free' is used for Hide and Seek."

"Well, the cotton swab king says it can also be used for vampire-hunt, so HA!" He stuck out his tongue.

"Who's 'it' next?" Nessie asked eagerly, bouncing on her feet.

"I was last to be tagged -" Bella smiled, and Edward scowled, then continued "– I suppose I'd be 'it'." He turned to Rosalie. "And please, actually _try_ this time?" Rosalie just rolled her eyes.

"One…" Emmett was already off. We all ran off again. This time, I went for distance, so I ended up at the very edge of the woods. Bored, I picked up a stick and started whittling it. Yes, vampire fingernails can get that sharp. And strong.

Twelve hours had passed again. Wow, we'd been playing a whole day already? Well, that's vampire indefatigability for you.

"Jazzy!" I heard Alice sing. I looked up and froze. Edward, Bella, Jacob, Nessie, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice were all surrounding me, smirking. Surrounded. Bad. Very bad. Stupid stick.

"Hi…" I slowly stood up, looking for the weak point, but thinking it quickly enough so Edward couldn't grasp it. Nessie was the obvious choice, but Jacob was right next to her. Rosalie and Bella were next, but Emmett and Edward were next to them. And I can't get Alice.

I'll take Nessie. I leapt in her direction, but Alice already swooped in front of her, and Emmett (that idiot…) poked the back of my head very hard. "HA! GOT YOU!"

I glared at him. He began whistling nonchalantly. Nessie smiled sweetly. "Uncle Jasper's 'it!"

Alice blanked out, and then sighed. "This is our last round. Carlisle and Esme want us back before school starts."

Emmett pouted. "Aw, not fair."

I rolled my eyes. "One…two…"

I blinked. They were gone. I sighed and continued counting. As soon as I reached one hundred, I sniffed the air. Hmm, dirty socks, boys' locker room scent, rotten eggs…Jacob. He was lapping at the water at the little river. Well, he isn't vampire like us, so he does need sustenance.

I checked my watch. Only two minutes. I poked his head. He yelped and glared at me. I smiled innocently and ran off again.

About twenty minutes into the round, Nessie got upset. She's out now. About forty-five minutes into the round, Bella surrendered to Nessie. Probably to make Nessie happy she got someone besides Jacob.

Hour and twenty into the round, I got Rosalie, who was admiring her reflection in the water. Way too easy.

I took an unneeded break and watched as Emmett paused and sniffed the air. Rosalie sauntered forward and…well…let's just say, Edward wouldn't like them doing that in front of Nessie. Then she tagged him. Hmm, pretty clever for Rosalie.

Bella got Edward. Again. He's losing his touch. Don't glare at me like that, Cullen!

Only Alice left now. If I were Alice, where would I be…?

Away from Jacob, so she can see.

So based on Jacob's whereabouts, Alice would be right…over…here? Oh, no, over there. Oops. She was standing in the tiny little clearing, smiling as I approached. I smirked and crouched, ready to lunge.

"Now, that isn't very gentlemanly of you, Mr. Whitlock," she teased.

"_You_ know I'm not exactly very much of a gentleman sometimes," I teased back.

"Hmm…I forfeit." Alice grinned and skipped up to me. I smiled and pulled her close and –

We heard the others approach, and Emmett shrieked. "AH! My eyes! My poor, little, virg – oh. Um…yeah. Never mind. Uh, EDDIE'S POOR VIR –"

"Finish that sentence and you die," Edward growled, pulling Bella close, as if to contradict Emmett's claim.

Eh…at least they shut up.

**Okay, I've planned out the basic order for the next few chapters. I'm going to do the school dance next, so I can end school and the Cullens can go on vacation, and I can do the skiing stuff. I've also planned out a Hawaii chapter and an outer space one (don't ask, my friend Chemi suggested it; and Chemi is just her nickname, she doesn't have an account here, sadly). So next chapter is the dance. If you have any kind of dances you think they should do, feel free to suggest them, and if I think they're better than the ones I have in mind, I'll use them! So after the next chapter, which one do you want: a surprise the Cullen girls give to the guys in Carlisle POV, a skiing/snowboarding trip in Edward's POV with a snowboarding race for the guys, a Cullen guys vs. Cullen girls war in Esme POV, a Hawaii chapter in Bella POV, or the outer space one in Rosalie POV? Vote please! And don't forget to vote in the poll in my profile, too!**


	26. DanceOff

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to TwilightHorseGal, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin-, HaLeY bEtH (hmm…interesting idea…I might use that!), lesharostormraven, sailorjupiterox, Sarah. V., Cassie da vamp, xtwilightxchickx, redwinggurl, Ilove4everJasperHale, madeofawesome22, Julessssssss, CaseyluvsLucic17, Meztli14, emie166, bella-cullen1989, Sakura's Warrior, amazingmist1, neverthink4, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, xxClosingTimexx, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, twilighter97, kissanddazzle, SunnySkies4Life, Twilight Awesomeness, ShadowCatcher,** **k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, StantonLover4Life, Briony97, RandomSpeck909, Ilove4everJasperHale, and asdfghjkl;. And thanks to T3am Switzerland for giving me the idea to do a school dance in the first place. And thanks to CaseyluvsLucic17 for giving me an idea this chapter. I have now brought a journal to school where I record whatever ideas I may get, and one of my friends, whom I shall refer to as Chemi, helps me think up ideas and tells me what she thinks is funny, so thank you, Chemi, for helping me out! Oh, and I've recently received news of a new website called where you can put Twilight fanfictions, t w i l i g h t f a n c e n t e r . c o m, (take out the spaces) even if they're already on here. Looks cool! Oh, and note that this chapter may have more couple-fluff than usual.**

Dance-Off

Bella POV

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" I wailed. "Why? Why? Why? Why? _Why?_"

"Because," Alice said, "it's the last dance before summer vacation, and I get to dress everyone up!"

I banged my head on the table leaving a dent. I looked at it sheepishly. Oops. Alice sighed and banged on the table, so the dent popped back out. "Now, let's go shopping!"

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

TORTURE. FINALLY. OVER. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice and I dumped the bags we were carrying. I looked at the clock and groaned. Only three hours until the dance, where the next stage of torture would begin.

Alice grabbed five of the bags and ran around the house, looking for the guys. "Yours, Jacob…Emmett…here, Edward…Jazzy, here you go…oh, Carlisle, you and Esme are chaperoning."

"Okay – wait, what? When did I sign up for this?"

"I did it for you, nowbyeIhavetogogetallthegirlsready!" Alice sped back into the room, dragging Esme and Nessie with her, Rosalie lagging behind.

Alice grinned as her arms were filled with makeup and hair products. I screamed into a pillow.

I winced as I looked into the mirror. So. Much. Torture. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh…

I'm wearing a strapless, dark blue, knee-length tango dress. _Tango_. With silver trimming. Ruffly skirt. Sigh…

And my hair's up in this fancy ponytail thing that Alice calls a twist.

Rosalie's wearing this floor-length, sleeveless, deep red dress, with a very low V-shaped neckline (wow, Emmett's going to be happy…). It's got golden lining and has a slit on the left side that reaches all the way to her waist. Her hair's in a simple bun. This is doing _wonders_ for my self esteem…

Alice looks more pixie-like than ever before. Her dress is actually two pieces. The whole ensemble is forest green with black trimming. The top is sleeveless, just touching the shoulder. It shows off her midriff, and the skirt has a jaggy hemline that ends just above the knees. Her hair's normal. That's not fair, just because she has short hair…

Esme's dress is beautiful. It looks like a modern version of a ball gown, with a narrower skirt. And no corset. Definitely not. It's a very nice gold color, with copper trimming and see-through sleeves, with a little train behind her. Alice is letting her keep her hair down. Why me…?

Nessie's dress is like a little black dress, really. I'm going to keep a very close eye on Jacob tonight. It has white trimming, has spaghetti straps, and has a straight hemline that ends just below the knees, and her hair's been put up in a fancy, braided hairstyle. My baby girl's growing up…

"Okay, let's move it, MOVE IT!" Alice squealed excitedly as she pushed us all downstairs. The guys were all wearing black tuxedos, only with different shirts, ties, and corsages.

Jacob had a black tie, white shirt, and white corsage. Carlisle had a gold tie, bronze shirt, and gold corsage. Emmett had a red tie, gold shirt, and red corsage. Jasper had a green tie, black shirt, and silver corsage. Edward, my Edward, had a blue tie, silver shirt, and blue corsage.

Now don't get me wrong here, but I have a feeling that Alice is responsible for these colors.

Nessie was very excited. After all, this _was_ technically her first dance, so I get that. But Alice? She's been to a hundred of these, and she's just as excited as Nessie.

Well, Emmett acts like that, too, but he's Emmett.

We all walked into the school gym. Everyone fell silent and stared. Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Gay baby born," Emmett muttered. Rosalie slapped his head. That seemed to get them all out of their trance, and they started muttering again.

Carlisle and Esme went off to congregate with the other chaperones. The rest of us stood. Nessie tugged on Jacob's sleeve. "Come on, I want to see how disgusting the punch tastes."

Oh, joy, Emmett's corrupted her.

"Carrots and Airheads, two o'clock," Jasper muttered. We turned to look, and sure enough, they were coming – Monica, Alisa, Zoe, their new Carrot named Lana, this woman who looked like the mother Carrot, Matt, three jocks, and this guy who looked like a dad with brain damage.

"Why, hello," Zoe purred as she stroked Emmett's chest. Rosalie growled, and she quickly withdrew her hand.

Carlisle and Esme came over, smiling. "Well, kids, we're pretty much free to do whatever we want tonight, since they got a surplus of chaperones tonight!" Esme said brightly.

I looked back to the humans and almost choked on my own laughter. The Carrot mother was ogling Carlisle, and the dad with brain damage was practically drooling at Esme.

Carlisle and Esme quickly gripped each other's hands tighter.

Matt coughed. "So, we've been wondering, if you wanted to make a bet."

No, no, NEVER say the b-word around Emmett, _**NEVER**_!

"Sure!" Emmett boomed. "I love bets!"

The rest of the family groaned, including Jacob and Nessie, who came back from the refreshment table.

"Why don't we have, say…a dance-off?"

Ah, well, that was a bit easier. All Cullens rocked at dancing.

"If you win, we'll stop talking to you unless necessary."

Hmm…Yeah, I'm liking this so far.

"If we win, we get to take you on a date."

Scratch that. I hate it.

"OKAY!" Emmett replied, looking excited. The rest of us stared in horror, except for Carlisle and Esme, who were watching us in amusement.

Carrot mother sauntered forward to Carlisle. "Hello, handsome," she said, sounding like a helium-filled balloon.

Brain-damaged dad shuffled forward, not even bothering to hide his stares. "Hi…"

"I'll be sure to stop at the hospital often," Carrot mother squealed. She turned to Matt. "Join us in on the bet."

Hmm…well, at least it'll be interesting to watch Carlisle and Esme.

Us Cullens watched fearfully as Emmett stupidly shook hands with Matt. Carrot mother and brain-damaged dad went first.

Blaring music came from the sneakers. Edward groaned at the sound of it. "Disco?" I asked.

"I personally despised the seventies…" he mumbled.

"And the fashion was horrible then!" Alice put in.

Nessie turned to watch the two dancers then quickly yelped and shielded her eyes. "I am scarred for life!" she groaned.

The rest of us turned and shouted in horror. Not even us vampires can get that sparkly!

"Ew, ew, ew, my retinas!" Alice muttered.

The music stopped, and Carlisle bowed to Esme, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance, milady?" he asked, his British accent slipping through.

"Why, yes, you may, milord," she replied sweetly. Us Cullen "kids" went "aw" at the sight. I saw Edward whisper something to the DJ and hand him something. Classical music came out of the speakers.

As we watched Carlisle and Esme dance, I whispered to Edward, "I never knew the waltz could look so amazing."

Edward shrugged. "Even if they were humans, they'd dance just as well."

Unfortunately, this couldn't last forever, as the new Carrot, Lana, went with one of the jocks next.

I noticed Jacob talking to the DJ now. "The Sugarplum Fairy" from _The Nutcracker_ blared through the speakers.

The new Carrot twirled around like a lunatic and jumped rather sloppily into the air, expecting the jock to catch her, only he was staring at the food table.

She crashed into the guacamole dish, and stood up, glaring at him. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CATCH ME!"

"...corndog…wait, what?"

She huffed and stalked off. The jock shrugged and went to get a corndog.

Jacob and Nessie went up. Alice looked at Edward and me. "Um…just in case, you might want to close your eyes."

This cannot be good. Club music boomed through the speakers. Edward quickly turned me away and moved my hands to cover my ears, quickly covering his own afterwards.

"What are they doing?" I hissed to him.

"Er…have you ever seen people dancing at clubs?"

"Yeah…" Oh. _Oh_. I did not really need to know that! My daughter and best friend???

But based on the cheering, they were apparently very good. Very good at what, though, is my question…

Zoe and another jock went up. This one was the Macarena. Very hilarious, that one.

But also slightly disturbing. No further comment.

Emmett and Rosalie headed to the very center of the gym. Rumba music played. Edward and I quickly covered Nessie's eyes before she witnessed them doing certain…well, not G-rated stuff (or PG-13, really) on the dance floor.

Alisa and yet another jock were next. I have no idea what they were doing, but it looked like some sort of traditional monkey mating movement…

I remembered back to a story Alice had told me. They had been searching for the Cullens, back when the jitterbug was very popular, and Jasper had taken her dancing.

I extended my shield to Edward to relay my thoughts. He looked thoughtful and went over to the DJ again.

The age-old and eternal music of the jitterbug played. Jasper and Alice turned to look at me, broad smiles on their faces, and went up.

I think they just brought the jitterbug back to life. No more words needed to be said. That's how amazing it was.

Monica and Matt were up after them. I'm not sure, but it looked like the bunny hop.

I noticed Emmett and Jasper snickering after they talked to the DJ. Alice and Rosalie were smiling innocently. Uh-oh…

You know what music played next? Tango. _Tango._ TANGO! Alice planned this whole thing out, I swear it.

"Edward."

"Yes, love?"

"I can't dance tango."

"Don't worry. It's all in the leading."

"Are you sure? Cause it looked like it needs two people."

"Trust me on this one."

It actually was very fun. But Edward was smiling a lot. "Why are you smiling?"

"The main reason is that you're here."

Aw, I love him so much.

"The other is that I'm enjoying watching all those human boys' faces."

I glanced out of the corner of my eye and stifled a laugh. It looked like the green-eyed monster had come and infected all the humans.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Nessie, Jacob, Carlisle, and Esme joined us. "We won!" Emmett cheered, punching his fist into the air.

"Sweet." Jacob knuckle-punched him.

Alice bounced up and down impatiently. "Come on, the next song is a group thing!"

What could that song possibly be?

"_Don't you remember, don't you know, Don't you remember Cotton-eyed Joe? Cotton-eyed Joe, Cotton-eyed Joe, What did make you treat me so?_"

Jasper had the hugest grin on his face as he heard the song. If I recall, I think I heard something about how Cotton-Eyed Joe originated in Texas, became the south Texas anthem, and was performed by major musicians from Texas. Gee, I wonder why he's so dang happy?

Emmett seemed to enjoy himself as he did the dance movements. But Jasper by far was the happiest. Well, a simple equation tells all: **Jasper + happy = happy everyone!**

I think we were all on Cloud 9 by the end of the song.

Then Emmett did it.

"CONGA!" he shouted. Rosalie must still be euphoric from Jasper's empath powers, because she let Emmett lead her out. Alice joined, Jasper following shortly after. The remaining six of us looked at each other, shrugged, and joined the conga line.

"Conga, conga, con-ga! Conga, conga, con-ga!" Emmett chanted as everyone at the dance formed a huge conga line.

And I thought we were supposed to be keeping a low-profile.

All I know is that a bit later in the dance, Emmett somehow scarred Matt mentally for life and had him sent to the hospital. As he lay on the stretcher, he babbled something about how "the bananas were coming to get him".

When the ambulance left, the whole gym stared at Emmett.

Emmett fidgeted and checked his watch. "Eh, let's go dance again."

"Sure."

"Whatever."

"Why not?"

**I always wanted to be in a conga line…I love Cotton Eyed Joe! For those of you unfamiliar with it, it's a traditional American folksong from (you guessed it) TEXAS! And people think it originated pre-Civil War, so Jasper probably knew it XD. Remember, VOTE ON MY POLL IN MY PROFILE! And for next chapter: Cullens go to Hawaii in Bella POV, Cullens in space in Rosalie POV, skiing/snowboarding trip in Edward POV (Cullen guys get a snowboard race!), a surprise the Cullen girls give the guys in Carlisle POV, or a Cullen guys vs. girls war in Esme POV? THANKS FOR READING!**


	27. Dudes vs Dudettes

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**WHOO! 500 reviews, yay! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING, EVERYONE! This chapter is dedicated to redwinggurl, Ilove4everJasperHale, -Azn-Grl-Twilight-Fan- (who reviewed pretty much all my chapters in ONE GO), Cullen Lover, Briony97, BaNaNaWaffles, sailorjupiterox, TwilightHorseGal, StantonLover4Life, sammygirl2010, , Swimming cutie xoxo, EmmalsATwilighter,** **JaCkSoN** **RaThBoNe Is MiNe, madeofawesome22, SunnySkies4Life, twilighter97, Twilight Awesomeness, 101, JSod93, kakes, kissanddazzle, Lucretia Cyphus, Aly,** **k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Edwards Twilight Princess, and Aitch123. And thanks to twilightluvr12 for giving me an idea this chapter!**

Dudes vs. Dudettes

Esme POV

I was making designs for an extension to the house when it all started. It's funny how the boys always seem to be the ones that cause the girls to get made of them rather than the other way around.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN, GET OVER HERE!" Rosalie yelled.

Emmett trembled as he scurried over to the garage. The rest of us exchanged a look and followed. We gasped as we entered.

There, on the side of Rosalie's red convertible, was a millimeter long scratch.

"EXPLAIN THIS, EMMETT!"

"Um…I'm sorry?"

One couple down, four to go.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Geeze, you leeches freak out over everything."

Nessie gasped and turned around, glaring. "Excuse me?"

Ah, no, Jacob should know better by now.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was half 'leech', aren't I?"

Jacob gulped. "Well…"

Two down, three to go.

I ducked as Rosalie started chucking her tools everywhere, as Emmett was moving too quickly to be a stable target. Edward picked up Bella and quickly left the garage.

"Edward, why'd you pick me up?"

"You might've gotten hurt in there."

"I'm a vampire, Edward!"

"Oh…force of habit. Forgot."

"You forgot I was a VAMPIRE?"

"Now that you put it that way…"

Three down, two to go.

Alice tapped her foot impatiently. "If we're all done here, I'd like to go shopping! Hello? Shopping! I'd like to get my Porsche out now, so if you don't mind, please MOVE!"

Jasper quickly used his powers to calm her down. "Alice, relax."

"DON'T YOU USE YOUR POWERS ON ME, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!"

Four down, one to go.

But I really don't count the last, because Carlisle and I never fight.

It was very interesting the next few days. The girls were avoiding the boys, while the boys tried to get them to at least _talk_ to them.

When they came home from school one day, the girls were looking very smug and the boys looked very depressed, including Jacob, who had followed them to school and pretended to be a "loveable" albeit giant stray.

Nessie giggled and held her hand to my face.

The girls had found Matt, one of the boys who had challenged us to a dance-off the other night, and started gushing over him.

Just as they walked by the boys, he had Bella and Nessie on each of his arms, Alice hanging in front of him, and Rosalie draping her arms from behind him.

The boys' expressions were hilarious. Not that I'd ever admit that. I'm supposed to be supportive of all my children.

As soon as they got out of sight, they dumped the poor boy into a garbage can.

I started working on my latest project – knitting. The new school principal really got me interested in it. Carlisle was playing football with the boys.

Then I heard a crash. I gasped and rushed to the living room, where the boys were mysteriously out of sight and Carlisle was staring guiltily at my antique Chinese vase.

I stared at it in horror. I vaguely heard all the kids clear out of the house as they sensed the coming eruption.

"CARLISLE CULLEN, I NEVER EXPECTED THIS OF YOU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN THIS!"

"Er…I'm sorry, dear?"

That's it. All five are down. I huffed and stalked off to where the other girls were.

After the worst of it, the kids and slowly trickled back in. Us girls stood on one side of the living room while the boys stood on the other side.

Alice glared at them. "This is officially war."

We had our headquarters in the attic and master bedroom. The boys took over the basement. We were plotting our revenge.

Rosalie tapped her chin thoughtfully. "We need to prove to them that girls can be more dominant than the male species."

We nodded in agreement. "We need to set traps," Nessie sighed. "But how?"

Bella's face lit up. "I have an idea for one of them…"

* * *

Alice went shopping for our necessary supplies and came back quickly. The trap was set. We just waited.

Emmett came upstairs cautiously to fetch something from his room. He looked around carefully, and caught sight of our trap.

"Ooh, COTTON SWAB!"

In the middle of a giant diamond-titanium cage was a single, hanging cotton swab. Emmett rubbed his hands excitedly and lunged for it.

The door came sliding shut after him, and he looked back confusedly. "Huh?"

We quickly moved the cage upstairs to the attic. Even though vampires could eventually break out of it, we picked titanium and diamond because there'd still be slight struggle.

Emmett pouted and got ready to bend the bars. "Let me out!"

Rosalie shook her head. "Nope! And if anything happens to the cage, the brand new one-of-a-kind Xbox 3000 gets it."

The game console was hung over this electric fire chamber, so if Emmett tried to escape, it would drop and be immediately destroyed.

Emmett gasped in horror. "Please, NO!"

He rocked back and forth, staring at his beloved Xbox. We washed him amusement, until we heard the whoosh of air moving. We turned around and gaped as we saw Nessie gone.

Bella wailed and dropped onto the floor. "I'm such a bad mother!"

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Once again, this means revenge!"

We set up the traps and waited again. Jacob quickly went to the kitchen to grab a snack when he saw it. "No…no…NO! KEEP THOSE ACCURSED DOLLS AWAY FROM ME! NO!"

A row of animated baby dolls saw in front of him. He turned around, but we'd already put more behind him. He was surrounded.

He screamed as we moved him upstairs, and sat him next to Emmett while surrounding him with more dolls.

"Will he stop screaming already!" Rosalie muttered as she covered her ears. Alice rolled her eyes and stuffed a loaf of French bread into his mouth.

I felt bad for Jacob…but Carlisle broke my vase!!!!!

Bella stood up. "I'm going to go down and see if I can get Nessie."

Alice's eyes glazed over, and then she frowned. "No fair, Jacob and Nessie are making it hard to see if anything's going to happen."

Bella shrugged and opened the door. "I'll be careful."

We waited ten minutes, but she didn't come back. Alice gasped as she got a vision. "UNFAIR!"

"What?" I asked anxiously.

"Edward dazzled her into going into their headquarters," Alice grumbled.

No, we're not outnumbering them! It's not fair, I have to avenge my poor antique vase!

Alice got an innocently evil smile on her face. Only she can pull that off. I stayed to watch Emmett and Jacob while Rosalie followed Alice downstairs.

Jacob was rocking back and forth, the bread still in his mouth. Emmett was playing around with the cotton swab.

Rosalie quickly ran back up, grimacing.

"What happened?"

"At this very moment, Alice is…well, you could say she's luring…or seducing…Jasper to get up here." Rosalie coughed awkwardly.

Emmett's laughter resonated around the attic. "Ha, Jasper's totally whipped!"

Rosalie glared at him, and he quickly looked down at his cotton swab.

I looked around as I heard footsteps, and had to stifle my laughter. Alice was smiling triumphantly while holding onto an elastic rope that was tied around Jasper, who looked very confused.

Emmett started laughing again. Alice busied herself by tying the other end of the rope to Jasper's Confederate uniform and hanging it over a shredder, so if Jasper moved…well, let's just say that "uniform go bye-bye".

"We're outnumbering them!" Rosalie cheered.

"AUNT ROSE!" we heard Nessie shout from the basement. Rosalie gasped and ran out the door without a second thought. Alice groaned and slapped her forehead.

"She's a goner," she muttered.

"Alice, you might want to get down here!" Edward called. Alice gasped.

"He didn't." She raced downstairs. I listened for the conversation.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN, DON'T YOU DARE!"

"Join the dark side, or the clothes get it."

Alice grumbled, and finally said, "Fine. But you better put those clothes back where you found them!"

Oh, no, I'm alone. That is so not fair.

Suddenly, I heard Bella shout, "Esme, now!" I reacted instinctively and raced downstairs. Alice had already gone downstairs, and Edward's back was turned, pondering why Bella had shouted.

I held up a lighter to his piano. "Upstairs, or the piano gets it."

Yes, I am mocking him. How sad.

Edward's eyes bulged out. "Bella," he muttered.

Ah, so Bella had covered me with her shield. I smiled innocently. Edward stalked upstairs, me following him.

Apparently, Alice had somehow managed to see ahead, as she had set out Edward's CD collection for me. I hummed merrily as I arranged them so Edward couldn't move or they'd shatter into a million pieces.

"Esme, may I speak with you?" I heard Carlisle call out. I checked the traps, and cautiously went downstairs.

Carlisle was standing in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind his back, a small smile on his face.

I crossed my arms. "Yes?"

"I've been thinking, this game has been getting very childish. How about a truce?"

I looked at him suspiciously. Well, I could spend the time for this war on something else. Like my knitting. Or gardening.

"Fine. But you're still not forgiven for breaking my vase," I sniffed. His face fell slightly as I turned around to head back upstairs.

Alice shouted, "NO, ESME, DON'T –"

Too late. Something hit me, and I fell to the floor, arms behind my back. I was flipped over so I could glare at a grinning Carlisle.

"I thought there was a truce?"

He shrugged. "Fingers crossed." He waved his hand at me. "And we never shook on it."

I frowned. "You're mean."

The boys and girls rushed into the room. Emmett was celebrating. "Yes, we broke out of our traps – OH MY SHITAKE MUSHROOM, I DO NOT NEED TO SEE MY PARENTS DOING 'IT' ON THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR!"

Several whacks resonated around the room, and Emmett rubbed his head, still grinning and celebrating. "Yay! We win! Now let's all go watch My Little Pony!"

Everyone scattered. Emmett shrugged and went to his room to watch TV. I sighed and banged my head on the floor. "Where did I go wrong with him?"

Carlisle shrugged. "It might have been my fault."

"Yeah, I'll blame you."

"Hey, I work all day, you're home with him more."

"You were the one who introduced him to television."

"…Touché."

**Ah ha, so the guys "technically" won the war, but Esme beat Carlisle at the verbal dispute XD. I had fun writing this chapter. Esme and Carlisle fighting are very funny. So remember: VOTE ON THE POLL IN MY PROFILE! And don't forget to vote for which one next chapter: Cullens go to Hawaii in Bella POV, Cullens in space in Rosalie POV, Cullens go skiing/snowboarding in Edward POV (there will be a snowboarding race for the Cullen guys), a surprise the Cullen girls give the guys in Carlisle POV (this can kind of be like a little aftermath of the boys vs. girls war or something), or a Cullens-try-to-see-who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV. THANK YOU FOR READING!**


	28. Let It Snow

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to LeahWannabe479, Mandi, -Azn-Grl-Twilight-Fan-, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, ,** **JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, Lucretia Cyphus, Aitch123, madeofawesome22, sammygirl2010, sailorjupiterox, Twilight Awesomeness, Briony97, SunnySkies4Life, StantonLover4Life, TwilightHorseGal, emie166, asewerynow, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, twilight360days, twilightluvr12, twilighter97, redwinggurl, bella-cullen1989, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, Edwards Twilight Princess, k-pattttttttz, Ice Devil's Heart, liz, and AliceC1. And thanks to Ilove4everJasperHale for giving me an idea this chapter. Don't forget: VOTE ON THE POLL IN MY PROFILE!**

Let It Snow

Edward POV

"_What time is it? Summer time! It's time for vacation! What _–"

"Emmett. Enough. With. The. High. School. Musical," I growled.

He shrugged. "Hey, I'm just getting ready for the High School Musical 2 show for next year."

Bella shot up and shrieked. "NO! NO MORE MUSICALS!"

I quickly wrapped my arms around her. "Don't worry, Bella, we are never doing any more musicals. Ever. Again."

Emmett coughed. _Whipped_. I tossed a cotton swab at him. "Go fetch." Emmett barked – yes, he _barked_ – and ran off after it.

Esme shouted from Carlisle's study, "When Emmett gets back, have everyone get in the living room for a meeting."

When Emmett finally came back (after returning from West Africa, so he claimed), Carlisle and Esme came, holding brochures.

"It looks like they've finally discovered a way to keep the outdoors nice and snowy during summertime. They're trying it out at Seven Springs Resort in Pennsylvania," he announced.

Alice jumped up and squealed. "OOH! Now we can go shopping for skiing clothes!"

Bella groaned and slammed her head against the couch.

For some odd reason, Alice color-coded all of us – jackets, pants, boots, goggles, snowboards/skis, you name it. Bella was blue. I was green. Alice was pink. Jasper was gray (he never really got over the fact that the South lost…). Carlisle was black. Esme was purple. Nessie was white. Jacob was orange. Rosalie was red. Emmett was yellow. With sparkles. And glitter. He picked the design.

But Alice cancelled his order last second and got just plain yellow. Shame, Jasper and I were looking forward to mocking him.

We got the largest suite there. There was a table there where we could play poker. Or Russian Roulette. With real guns. Good times, good times…

We got there early in the morning, so we were set to ski as soon as enough people were out on the slopes.

When we reached the edge of the snow, Alice whirled around, tapping her foot. "Does everyone know how to ski or snowboard?"

Everyone nodded, except for Bella and Nessie. Jacob nodded, but he was lying.

_I actually can't ski or snowboard, but if I tell them that, they'll never let me live it down – oi, Eddie boy, STOP LISTENING!!! Or I'll be forced to use mental images of your daughter's and my honeymoon!_

Oh. That is just sick. I grimaced and quickly ducked out of his thoughts. Alice was giving Bella and Nessie an impromptu skiing lesson. "Do that, and you turn right. Do this, and you turn left. Do this, and you slow down. Do this, and you speed up. Got it? Good!"

Bella and Nessie had bewildered expressions on their faces. "I'll just wing it," Bella muttered.

Well, it turns out that Bella and Nessie are naturals at skiing. And Jacob? He just plain sucks. At both sports. Imagine this: Stand. Fall. Stand. Fall. Stand. Fall. Stand. Fall. Stand. Wobble. Fall.

Emmett cleared his throat. "I HEREBY CHALLENGE ALL CULLEN DUDES TO A SNOWBOARDING RACE! This includes Hales and Blacks."

Alice tried to get a vision of the winner. All she – and I – could see was white, white, and more white.

"Us girls will ski alongside you!" Alice said excitedly. "Come on, let's get on the ski lift."

Mental note: never again let Emmett on a ski lift while in possession of Mentos.

We were sitting in pairs – by couple, of course. Emmett found a few packs of Mentos left by another person who'd sat on the seat.

Those poor, innocent skiers never had a chance.

"FEAR ME! FOR I AM THE MECOT SWABTO KING!" Emmett screamed.

"The _what_?" I asked in disbelief.

"Combination of Mento and cotton swab. _Duh_." Emmett rolled his eyes.

We all got off the ski lift. Emmett smirked. "First one down?"

"First one down _and_ best tricks," Jasper corrected.

"Deal." The five of us guys shook hands.

Esme waved. "Go!"

We took off. Well, not Jacob. He fell. Just before he disappeared from view, I saw him lying on his stomach on the board and pushing himself down, like a penguin.

This slope was practically made for us. There were rails, and it was even designed like a half pipe.

Emmett let out a whoop and did an Ollie (**AN: an Ollie is a jump**). A very, _very_ huge one. He was practically a third of the way down now.

I zipped down the snow tunnel and angled my snowboard. Now I was riding upside-down. Awesome.

Carlisle did an Alley Oop. As he went uphill on the half pipe, his board lifted off the surface and turned 180 degrees.

Sadly, for me, Jasper had us all beat so far. Backside 720. In other words, he did two complete spins in midair. But I must admit, it looked cool.

We started catching up with Emmett, who was using his unfair advantage of superior strength to push himself down.

We were almost to the end when Emmett started celebrating. "_We are the champions_," he sang as he kept going down. "I'm going to win! I'm going to win! I –"

He was jumping up and down when he fell. Jasper, Carlisle, and I passed him.

"Slow and steady wins the race," Jasper said, amused.

"Even though vampires are supposed to be very fast," I pointed out.

Carlisle looked a bit anxious. "Um, boys, I think you should look behind you."

The first thing I noticed were that the girls were staring in horror. What was happening? Then I saw it.

It was a gigantic, fluffy, white snowball rolling our way. And we could see Emmett inside of it, screaming like a freaked out little girl.

"AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screeched.

The three of us swore and tried to duck.

Too late.

Now there was a huge, fluffy white snowball with four vampire men inside of it, rolling down a giant ski slope.

"EMMETT!" I roared.

"Yes, Eddie?"

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"I SECOND THAT?" Jasper hollered.

"I'M DEEPLY CONSIDERING IT!" Carlisle yelled.

"Fudge," Emmett muttered.

Then a second Big Band occurred.

Nah, just joking. But it was close. Very close. The snowball smashed against one of the walls of a ski lodge, shaking the whole place.

I rolled over and sat up. Carlisle was pulling himself out of a snowdrift. Jasper had left a slight indentation in the wall where he had smashed against. And Emmett was tangled in a giant pile of skis and poles, so that all you could see was his behind. Not exactly the nicest view.

Unless you were Rosalie.

"YAY, GO JACOB!" I heard Nessie cheering. The three of us vampires who could stand turned to look.

Jacob was still on his stomach like a penguin as he crossed the finish line. He sat up. "So who won?" he asked us.

The girls made their way down. "You won," Nessie told him.

His jaw dropped. "Huh?"

Alice looked a bit hyper. "Yeah, see, because at first, Emmett was winning, but then he got cocky so he fell, and the others got ahead, but then Emmett turned himself into a giant snowball and the others got caught in it, and they smashed against this wall, and since the winner has to actually cross the finish line while on their snowboard, you're the only one who qualifies, so you're the winner."

Jacob still looked confused. "So Emmett got magical powers that turns himself into a snowball?"

Nessie slapped his head. "Stupid."

Emmett finally got out of the skiing supplies. "No fair, I was supposed to win," he complained.

Jacob looked smug now. "Well, too bad. I won. HA! I'm better than all of you."

Alice now frowned. "Excuse me?" The girls all turned to glare at him, with the exception of Esme, who was brushing snow off of Carlisle.

Jacob looked scared. "Uh…"

Ah, this is going to be very fun to watch.

**So I have some very important notices. First, which one for next chapter: Cullens go to Hawaii in Bella POV, Cullens in space in Rosalie POV, Cullens have a who-can-make-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV, Cullen girls give the guys a surprise in Carlisle POV (depending on what I think of, this can be the prize the guys get from the contest), Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, Cullens take ballet lessons in Alice POV, or Emmett says a whole bunch of stuff about the South that makes Jasper want to kill him in Jasper POV. OH! And normally, I'd say vote on the poll in my profile, and you SHOULD, so vote on it. But you see, I've been thinking of a whole bunch of other story ideas that are not on the poll, but I've been typing them anyway. And I've finished one of these stories. Here's the summary:**

When Esme Platt moves to Forks to escape her abusive fiancé, she didn't expect to fall in love with the mysterious doctor. But what happens when said ex-fiancé shows up?

**So it's really a story where Esme and Carlisle take Bella and Edward's place. I've finished all TWENTY-FOUR chapters and am planning a sequel. It is not posted yet, but if enough people say they want to read it, I'll post it very soon. NO TAKING MY IDEA!!! I really want to post this story, so please, tell me what you think!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! And if I don't post it, I'll try to send an excerpt of it to people who do want to read it. If you really want to read it, feel free to spread the word. But please, don't take my idea. It makes me feel sad :-(  
**


	29. Aloha

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to BellaHermione, Ilove4everJasperHale, bella-cullen1989, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Swimming cutie xoxo, -Azn-Grl-Twilight-Fan-, Briony97, Shinobi Shinigami, StantonLover4Life, xxClosingTimexx, Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale, JSod93, Edwards Twilight Princess, hihi!, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, redwinggurl, Mandi, AliceC1, mrsjaspercullen95, ShadowCatcher, sailorjupiterox, EDWARD_IS_A_GOD, myobsessionbitesurs, angel368, Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, KCcrazy, 4everbellaxedward. And thanks to TwilightHorseGal, madeofawesome22, TeddyBear334, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, Twilight Awesomeness, chanel17, k-pattttttttz, and twilighter97 for encouraging me to post up my new Carlisle and Esme story! But I'm trying to aim for around 20 people who want the story, please, but I will send an excerpt to people who have told me they want to read it! And remember, please vote on the poll in my profile! And by the way, there was a tie for this chapter, so I randomly picked one.**

Aloha

Bella POV

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" We all heard Alice's piercing squeal.

She rushed into the basement, where we were all sitting, watching Jasper and Emmett use their virtual characters to beat each other's brains out.

"We are going to the Youngest State!"

"You mean Kansas?" Emmett asked. We stared at him.

"No. You know, aloha? Luau? Hula?" Alice asked.

"Oh! You mean Switzerland!"

"NO! I mean Hawaii! HAWAII!"

"Okay, OKAY, I get it, sheesh!" Emmett grumbled.

Edward coughed. "Um, Alice, there's a slight problem with that. We're supposed to sparkle in the sun. And isn't Hawaii, oh, I don't know, SUNNY?"

Alice waved her hand carelessly. "Don't worry about that! During our stay, it's going to be pretty cloudy. So we're good."

We were now on the airplane to Hawaii. Emmett was sitting bored, looking out the window. "Are we there yet?"

"No," Carlisle replied, reading a book.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Jasper muttered, playing with Alice's hair.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Edward grumbled, listening to his iPod.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Esme responded, sketching something on paper.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Jacob growled, reading a motorcycle manual.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Nessie sighed, doing Sudoku.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," I mumbled, toying with Edward's fingers.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Alice hissed, flipping through a magazine.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," Rosalie groaned, looking bored.

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!" we all shouted. A flight attendant came rushing over.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to keep quiet. You're disrupting the other passengers," she whispered, before hurrying away.

Emmett smirked. "Yeah, you guys should be quiet."

I clenched my fist. Emmett was silent again, then – "Can I drive the plane?"

This was going to be a _long_ ride…

Finally, we landed! No more "Are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet!" I sighed in relief as we reached the hotel.

Carlisle and Esme were headed out. "We're going for a walk. Don't do anything illegal."

Emmett looked excited. "Hey, let's play a game!"

"What game?" I asked, bored.

"Coconut drop!"

"What's that?"

"You'll see."

So that's how the eight of us found ourselves sitting in palm trees, armed with tons of coconuts, waiting for innocent tourists to walk by.

"Fat people in giant sombreros, five o'clock!" Emmett whispered. A gaggle of chubby tourists came passing by.

They found a whole bunch of coconuts being dropped on their heads and thrown at them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" one screamed. "IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! I TOLD YOU ALL THAT IT WAS COMING, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YOU SAID IT WAS STUPID!"

They ran away screaming. I laughed. "You know, this is actually kind of fun."

We got bored of chucking coconuts at random people, so we were walking around in the market. Emmett had found a local and was getting some impromptu lessons on Hawaiian words.

"Cool!" Emmett yelled. He pointed at a sign. "So would you pronounce that word as 'pee-pay-lee-nay?"

The local shrugged. "I guess you could. But I prefer to pronounce it as 'pipeline'." (**AN: I got the joke from Reader's Digest, so…DON'T SUE ME**)

"Ah." Emmett nodded, as if he knew what he was talking about. He really didn't.

"HANG TEN, DUDE!" Emmett shouted as he barreled into the ocean with a bright yellow surfboard tucked under his arm. Edward, Jasper, and Jacob followed him with green, gray, and orange surfboards. Once again, Alice has color-coded us.

The same problems Jacob had with snowboarding applied here, too.

I noticed Emmett switching Jasper's surfboard with his and swimming very far out, but then I got distracted by Edward and Jasper dunking Jacob's head into the ocean.

Rosalie frowned. "Where's Emmett?"

Then in the distance, on another part of the beach, we heard screaming. "SHARK!"

Jasper paused and looked over. "I've always wanted to try shark," he mused. We al looked over. There was this giant gray thing sticking out of the water, and people were running away from the water.

"Hey, why do I have Emmett's surfboard?" Jasper asked suspiciously.

"_DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DAAAAAAAA_!" We heard the Jaws theme song sounding from somewhere underwater.

I sighed. "Emmett, get out."

"WHO IS THIS EMMETT YOU SPEAK OF? I AM SHARK! FEAR ME!"

Alice squealed and pointed. "Look, sea turtles!" There were a dozen sea turtles resting on an abandoned part of the beach.

"OOH, YUMMY, TURTLE SOUP!" Emmett tossed the surfboard back at Jasper and ran over. "TURTLES! CUTE LITTLE YUMMY TURTLES! DELICIOUS TURTLES! COME TO ME!"

The turtles started making noises and flopping back into the water.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! TURTLES! COME BACK!!!!!"

I guess we haven't REALLY done anything illegal…yet. We had just climbed up the mountain, and were standing at the mouth of the volcano.

Emmett peered into the edge. "Hello?" His voice echoed around. "COOL!" He started screaming random things, until he finally shouted, "FUZZBUCKETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

We heard a low rumble. Edward froze. "Emmett. I think you just set off the volcano."

Emmett scoffed. "No, I didn't!" He started to shout again, but Alice slapped him.

"You idiot! If you scream one more time, you really are going to make the thing erupt!"

"Really? Cool!" He opened his mouth again, but we tackled him before he could make any noise. Unfortunately, we weren't balanced, so we started rolling down the mountain again. Dang it.

We were in a little tour group, following the tour guide. We stopped in front of this huge tiki thing, and he spoke.

"This here is Liki Liki. Liki Liki is a haunted tiki."

"Ooh!" Emmett stepped forward and poked it. Then again. Then again. Then again. Then –

"It's falling!" one of the tourists shouted. The tiki fell to the ground and broke into several pieces.

The tour guide began shrieking. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! THE SPIRT OF LIKI LIKI HAS BEEN RELEASED! THE EVIL SPIRITS HAVE COME TO HAUNT US! WE ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

We coughed awkwardly and slowly backed away.

It was our last night here in Hawaii. All of us, including Carlisle and Esme, were headed to a luau on the beach.

There were drums beating and several bonfires lit. There were several hula dancers. Suddenly, one of the natives held up a long stick and shouted, "LIMBO TIME!"

Alice pushed all of us in line. As Jacob was very huge, and first in line, he was the very first person to go out. Then Nessie lost her balance, being only half vampire.

Esme quit a few rounds later, and I, though a vampire but still retaining a few clumsy tendencies, followed her. Rosalie lost interest in the game.

Emmett pushed Jasper so he lost. Carlisle got out when the limbo stick was getting pretty low. Edward, being around the same height, lost soon after.

I have no idea how Emmett lasted this far. But I think it may have to do with the fact that he was using his feet to dig through the sand as he bent over, but a crab ended up pinching his toe. Even though it didn't hurt, it shocked him a bit, and he lost his concentration.

I suppose it was kind of obvious that Alice would win, as she was the smallest of all of us.

Then Emmett went to change into a hula skirt, made of completely natural grass. He came back out from the changing rooms and tossed his pants and boxers at Edward and Jasper.

Please don't jump, Emmett, PLEASE don't jump…

Besides the whole Emmett-in-a-hula-skirt thing, the luau was pretty fun. We were leaving when Alice got a vision, shrieked, and covered her eyes. Edward read his mind and made a face. "Uh, Emmett."

"Yes, Eddie boy?"

I gasped as I realized what was going on and covered Nessie's eyes.

"Er…you left your hula skirt at the luau."

**Ah ha ha, that would just be plain disturbing, Emmett…I actually enjoyed writing this chapter a bit more than the others. So anyway! For next chapter: Cullens in space in Rosalie POV, Cullens have a who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV, Cullens take ballet lessons in Alice POV, Cullen girls give the Cullen guys a surprise in Carlisle POV, Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, or Emmett says a whole bunch of stuff about the stuff that makes Jasper want to kill him in Jasper POV. And vote on the poll in my profile! Oh, and remember about my Esme and Carlisle story. I've started the sequel already, even though the first isn't even posted. I have nine people who say they want to read it, and I'm striving for approximately twenty. People who tell me they want to read it get an excerpt! I think I'll give you guys the whole first chapter of the story if you want to read it. IT'S TWENTY-FOUR CHAPTERS OF CARLISLE AND ESME! You know you want it. XD**


	30. Fangs in Space

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to AuroraandRosalieWannabe, xxClosingTimexx, myobsessionbitesurs, J'adore lire, Edwards Twilight Princess, Ilove4everJasperHale, madeofawesome22, HaLeY bEtH, Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, redwinggurl, , k-pattttttttz, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, bella-cullen1989, Twilight Awesomeness, ShadowCatcher, liz, Edward'sNewWife1, JSod93, and -Az-Grl-Twilight-Fan-. And thanks to Megabitesz, Briony97, xtwilightxchickx, SunnySkies4Life, and XSweet96 for supporting my Carlisle and Esme story! Oh, and VOTE ON THE POLL IN MY PROFILE! And by the way, I have also finished the **_**sequel**_** to my Carlisle and Esme story (I have a four-day weekend, so I had a LOT of free time…). So I now have TWO stories! But I need at least twenty people to say they want to read it before I even post the first one!**

Fangs in Space

Rosalie POV

"So what would you kids think about a trip to NASA?" Carlisle asked us.

"What's NASA?" Emmett asked. "Oh, wait, DON'T TELL ME! It's the North Atlantic Seahorse Association, isn't it?"

WHY did I marry him?

"No…it stands for the National Aeronautics and Space Administration," Jasper replied.

"Aw, phooey. I wanted to see the seahorses," Emmett whined.

"NASA sounds cool," Bella replied.

"Alright, then, NASA it is!" Esme said cheerfully.

So that's how we found ourselves at NASA, following a stupid tour guide that looked like a computer geek.

"And today, it just so happens that someone accidentally prepared the space shuttle when we didn't need it, so it's just sitting outside, useless," he squeaked.

We were at the back of the tour group, looking very bored.

Nessie looked scared. "Um…where did Emmett go?"

Oh, no, not again! We looked around. He wasn't there.

"He went that way," Edward said, pointing down the hall. We followed his scent through a small tunnel.

"Cool!" we heard him shout. We saw him running up into the spaceship.

"No, Emmett, get down from there!" Alice shrieked.

"But it's so cool and spacey!" he whined.

"Shouldn't we get over there before he does something stupid?" Bella asked.

"Yes. We should." We started walking over. Nessie stopped and stared.

"That looks so cool!" She hurriedly climbed the ladder up.

"Nessie!" the mutt shouted, jumping up after her.

"Renesmee, get back down here!" Bella huffed as she began climbing up, too. Of course, Edward followed. The rest of us sighed and followed suit.

The door slammed shut after us. "Is that supposed to happen?" Bella asked.

"No…" Jasper muttered.

Emmett was busy punching buttons and pulling levers. He found a microphone, cleared his throat, and spoke to it in a different voice. "This is Houston, we are ready for lift off."

There was a crackling sound, and a raspy voice came through. "Hey, what are you doing in the spaceship? There's no mission today! Wait…hey, you punks get out of there this instant!"

Emmett coughed. "I'm sorry….fzshhhhg…you're breaking up….fzshhhhg…SAYONARA, DUDE!" He chucked the microphone at the wall, breaking it. The microphone, not the wall. Although he did dent it somewhat.

Emmett squinted at a giant red button. "DO…NOT…PRESS," he read. Then he pressed it.

There was a loud rumbling, and the floor started shaking. Then a mechanized voice came over the loudspeaker. The same raspy voice from earlier tried talking through it.

"_Ten_heygetout_nine_ofthereRIGHTnow_eight_orIwillcallthe_seven_copsandyouwillbe_six_arrestedfortherestof_five_yourlifeforbreaking_four_ontogovernmentproperty_three_JUSTGETOFFNOW_two_ORTHESHIPWILLAKE_one_OFFANDYOUWILL_blast off._"

I looked out the window as we rose into the air. "Great, just amazing," I said sarcastically. "We're going to space."

Edward was looking at the controls. "I think this is on autopilot."

"It is," Alice chirped up. "It'll drive itself around for a bit and then it'll land itself safely. We'll be perfectly fine."

We stood there quietly. Emmet cleared his throat. "I'm bored."

"_Now entering zero gravity zone_."

We started rising into the air.

"COOL!" Emmett shouted. He took a martial arts stance as he started flipping upside down. "Obie-Wan-Jasper. To a fight of I challenge you…A CAN CHEESE IN!"

He pulled out cans of cheese from his backpack. I do not want to know why he carries them around.

Jasper took one and grinned. "The fight is on, young one!"

"Beat you I will!" Emmett cried as he pressed the nozzle. Strands of cheese began floating around in midair, not doing anything.

"No, you do it like this!" Jasper snapped. He started floating around Emmett, spraying string cheese around him, so he looked like a mummy.

"Good you are, old one. But master I am! HA HA HA HA BWA!" Emmett began spraying the canned cheese again.

Boring. I just stood around, watching.

Carlisle was taking notes on everything. Esme had found some pieces of cloth and was adjusting them as curtains over the windows. Bella and Edward were watching he view outside. Nessie was doing gymnastics while in midair.

Alice started dancing by herself. "Jazzy, dance with me!"

"Okay." Jasper tossed the can away, which just floated around, and he started dancing with her. The mutt floated over.

"I'll join the fight!"

The smell was really getting to me. Especially since we were in an airtight chamber. I paused. "Alice, how long is this flight going to take?"

"Only a few days. Why?" she asked, doing air tango with Jasper. Upside down.

"Can we last without hunting that long?"

"Yes. We just hunted before we got here, anyway."

"OH MY POPSICLES!" Emmett screamed, pointing outside. We all drifted over. "IT'S AN ALIEN! ALIEN!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY ARE COMING TO KILL US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Edward stared. "Emmett. That is a space rock."

Emmett huffed. "Well, it looks a lot like an alien."

"It's a lump of rock! How does it look like an alien?" Jasper exclaimed.

"Hey, let's go look for real aliens!" Emmett said excitedly.

"Aliens don't exist," Carlisle pointed out.

"But vampires and werewolves aren't supposed to exist, either. And yet, here we are." Emmett shrugged. "I'm just saying."

Edward scowled. "Why does someone keep thinking _eeeeep blipqsk mtlkx_?"

Emmett screamed. "SEE? IT'S THE ALIENS! THAT IS MARTIAN LANGUAGE, I TELL YOU!"

The mutt burst out laughing. "It's just me! I was freaking you out."

Emmett stuck out his tongue and pouted. "Hmm…what happens when a vampire goes out into space without a space suit?"

"I don't know," Carlisle replied. "Alice?"

Alice frowned. "I can't really see it, but I guess it should be alright."

Emmett whooped and entered the airtight chamber. "TEN…NINE…Q…TREE…ONE!" He opened the door and stepped out. Nothing happened, as we vampires didn't need oxygen.

Emmett started singing.

"_You are the dancing queen_

_Young and sweet_

_Only seventeen!_

_Dancing queen_

_Feel the beat from the tambourine!_

_Oh yeah_

_You can dance_

_You can jive_

_Having the time of your life_

_Ooh!_

_See that girl_

_Watch that scene_

_Dig in the dancing queen!_"

We laughed as he did the dance moves to the song.

Random Extraterrestrial POV

"Meepers, what is that thing?"

"I believe it is Earthling, Sqoko."

"What is it doing?"

"I believe that is the mating dance for Earthlings."

"What is that noise?"

"I believe that is the sound they make when they need to excrete waste."

"What is a dancing queen?"

"I believe it is the leader of Earth, Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"What is a tambourine?"

"I believe it is the capitol of Earth, Canada."

"It looks so ugly."

"I believe it is because we have sent extra-strong ultraviolet rays to Earth so it has pierced the ozone layer and thus causes Earthlings to develop ugliness."

"Let's go blow up another planet."

"Okay."

Rosalie POV

"What's that?" the mutt asked, pointing out the window. "Looks like a UFO."

"It's probably another space rock," Bella replied.

"What's a Sqoko?"

"A what?"

"Never mind."

"I think we're landing now."

"See, wasn't this fun?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Alright…" Emmett fidgeted. "Do you want to go again?"

"NO."

**Yes, I know they are OOC, but that makes it all the more funnier, in my opinion XD. Anyway, remember, vote on the poll on my profile! And for next chapter: Cullen girls give the guys a surprise in Carlisle POV, Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, Cullens take ballet lessons in Alice POV, Cullens have a who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV, or Emmett saying a bunch of stuff about the South that makes Jasper want to kill him in Jasper POV? And don't forget about my Carlisle and Esme story! I have fourteen people on my list so far. I need about SIX more and I'll post it! Even if I don't post it, I will send an excerpt of th story to everyone who wanted to read it. THANK YOU FOR READING!**


	31. Ballerina Princess

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to sailorjupiterox, Twilight Awesomeness, -Azn-Grl-Twilight-Fan-, Edwards Twilight Princess, twilighter97, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Ilove4everJasperHale, bella-cullen1989, HaLeY bEtH, ShadowCatcher, BellaHermione, TwilightHorseGal, justanotherditzyredhead, madeofawesome22, redwinggurl, starfruit95, k-pattttttttz, twilightfanpire1023. Whoo, 600 reviews, thanks for reading, people! AND GUESS WHAT? I am now posting up my new Carlisle and Esme story! It will be called Eternal Love. I think you can just go to my profile and get it. It is thanks to these people that it will be posted: TwilightHorseGal, madeofawesome22, TeddyBear334, Pinetail Alice Cullen, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, Twilight Awesomeness, chanel17, k-pattttttttz, twilighter97, Megabitesz, Briony97, xtwilightxchickx, SunnySkies4Life (TWO TIMES!), XSweet96, StantonLover4Life, lesharostormraven, angel368, JSod93, and Lucretia Cyphus. Also, to my best friends who listened while I bounced ideas off of them, Chemi (who doesn't have an account but is my biggest listener), mangobunny255 (who DOES have an account), and JoJo, who also doesn't have an account. THANK YOU!**

Ballerina Princess

Alice POV

I was just out shopping like any other day when some crazy little man came running up to me. "HERE! TAKE IT! TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

Then he ran away. I blinked in shock as I looked at what he had shoved into my hands.

_One Free Lesson for Ten People at the Pansy Dancer Ballet Studio_

_Both boys and girls welcome. Please, gentlemen, SIGN UP, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!_

Hmm…have we ever done ballet before? No, I don't think we have! I hurried home and burst into the kitchen, where everyone was talking while Nessie and Jacob ate.

"GUESSWHATGUESSWHATGUESSWHATGUESSWHATGUESSWHAT?" I squealed.

Emmett stood up. "WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT?" he squealed back.

I stared at him. Okay, when he does it, that just sounds plain creepy. "Emmett, have you ever wanted to become a –" I gasped dramatically "– _ballerina princess_?"

He gasped. "YES! EVER SINCE I WAS A WEE LITTLE LAD, IT HAS BEEN MY DREAM!"

…Yeah. My brother is officially crazy.

Emmett started skipping around the kitchen, singing. "_I'm going to be a ballerina princess. I'm going to be a ballerina princess. Nah nee nah nee nah_!"

We all slowly backed away from him. "Um," I muttered. "I'm just going to…yeah." I ran off.

"ALICE!" Edward came stomping into my room, where I was unwrapping my new tutu. "I am _not_ wearing TIGHTS!" (**AN: yes, you perverted Edward fans may now scream as you picture him in tights**)

"Yes, you are!" I sang. "For I have forseen!"

Bella walked into the room. "Edward, I think you would look very –" I covered my ears at this. Edward was suddenly smirking and picked up Bella, running back to their room.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I heard the Nutcracker Suite play from Emmett's room, and then a whole bunch of thumping noises. Then my wall smashed.

I stared as splinters of wood came flying away, and a giant leg in tights was stuck in my wall.

Emmett coughed. "Um, Alice, I think my leg may be stuck. Do you mind?"

I walked backwards and ran out of the room. "JASPER!" I shouted. He was there in a second.

"Yes, Alice?"

"There's a giant, hideous, mutated thingy in our bedroom wall?"

"…A _what_?" Jasper entered the bedroom as I trailed behind him. "I don't – oh, ew, _ew_, Emmett, WHY? I'm scarred for life! And seeing as I live forever, that's going to be pretty long!"

"Just get me out of here, JAZZY-PER!"

"Hmm…no." He started walking out. I giggled as I followed him.

"You do realize that if I stay stuck here, you are going to have a giant leg in the same room as you while you and Alice do 'it'?"

Jasper froze and looked back. "Emmett, buddy, let me help you out there!"

All ten of us – Edward, Bella, Emmett, Rosalie, Jacob, Nessie, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and I – were at the ballet studio, along with a whole bunch of other little ten year old girls.

The dance teacher, a lady who looked like she should be retired, was smiling at all of us. "Welcome, class! I am Mademoiselle Broussard. I will be your teacher."

Emmett raised his hand. "Um, Mad-mizzle Brussels, do I get to wear a tutu?"

"No, the tutus are for the ladies only."

"BUT I WANT TO WEAR A TUTU! I MUST FULFILL MY DREAM OF BECOMING A BALLERINA PRINCESS!"

"I'm sorry, only girls get tutus."

Emmett started dry sobbing. We edged away from him.

"Alice. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. You," Edward hissed at me as we started doing stretches. I smiled innocently.

"What? I'm sorry. Did you just say that you were going to buy me a mall? Thanks, big brother!"

Mademoiselle Broussard – or Mad-Mizzle Brussels Sprouts, as Emmett now called her, clapped her hands. "Alright, let us begin dancing to the Nutcracker!"

"OOOOOOH! That's my favorite song!" Emmett squealed.

I'm starting to really regret not throwing out that flyer.

Emmett got up and started spinning around. His leg kept whacking the poor, innocent, little girls. After ten seconds, every human in the room was knocked out on the floor.

Then he began singing. "_Can you, can you do the can-can? Can you do the can-can! Can_ –"

"Emmett, what are you doing?" Jasper sighed.

"I'm doing the can-can."

"Why are you doing that during ballet class?"

"THIS IS BALLET CLASS? I thought it was can-can class!"

"Weren't you the one who just shouted that you wanted to be a ballerina princess?"

"Eeeeeeewwwwwww, ballerina princesses are sooooooooo, like, two minutes ago. It's all about the can-can now, you know?"

"Wow, Emmett, you just sounded like a total prissy girl right there," Edward snickered.

"Give me a D! D! Give me an O! O! Give me an R! R! Give me a K! K! What's that spell? EDDIE! EDDIE! WHOOOO, go EDDIE!"

Ah, Emmett, what would we do without thee? Well, for one, the average world IQ would go up by a couple dozen points.

"GUESS WHAT?" Emmett began jumping up and down again. "When I grow up, I want to be a VAMPIRE!"

"Emmett, you already _are_ a vampire," I pointed out.

"What? Really? YAY! My dream has come true!" He beamed, but then frowned. "But that means I now have no goal in life. WHY??????????? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He began dry sobbing.

I sidled up to Carlisle. "Is it possible for vampires to be bipolar?"

"If you had asked me that a few centuries ago, I would have said no. But right now, I'm not so sure," he muttered back.

"Edward, what is in Emmett's head right now?"

"Um…let's see… bunnies… mangoes (**those are for you, mangobunny255**)… cheese… pigs… hairballs… mouse skeletons… ponies… potato chips… more bunnies… and a very disturbing image of Mike Newton being eaten by cannibals."

Emmett came running up to me. "Alice, can I borrow some lipstick?"

"Uh, why?"

"Because a ballerina princess must be pretty!"

"I thought that ballerina princesses were 'two minutes ago'."

"Yeah, but they're soooooooooooo totally, like, retro now, so they're back in."

"Emmett."

"Yes?"

"Please stop talking like a Carrot. It's really creepy."

"I CHANGED MY MIND!"

"Now what?"

"I no longer what to be a ballerina princess."

"Gee, what a shocker."

"I now want to be…a TREE!"

"Okay…" I shuffled over back to Jasper. "Jazzy, should we be calling for a mental asylum?"

"Nah."

"Okay, why not?"

"Because then we'd lose our main source of entertainment."

"Oh, yeah. Okay."

**So for next chapter: Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, Cullen girls give the guys a surprise in Carlisle POV, Cullens have a who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV, or Emmett says stuff about the South that makes Jasper want to kill him in Jasper POV. Thanks for reading! And don't forget to vote on the poll in my profile. And my new Carlisle and Esme story, Eternal Love, is up! Please read it! THANK YOU!**


	32. Wee Doggies!

[Type text]

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to AliceC1, twilightfanpire1023, Ice Devil's Heart, angel368, xX9SoftballChick9Xx, mrsjaspercullen95, k-pattttttttz, Miss Ter, Twilight Awesomeness, liz (who gave me an idea), TwilightHorseGal, Kari Twilight Mist, Briony97, WiseGirl101, JSod93, Rebecca a.k.a. Mrs. Jasper Hale, alltheships, bella-cullen1989, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, twilighter97, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, StantonLover4Life, Ilove4everJasperHale, sailorjupiterox, Paggle, SarahB0B, HaLeY bEtH, redwinggurl, Mrs., SunnySkies4Life, .Twilight., Sarahgirl12, Bella_Marie, Twintwo18, ShadowCatcher, kakes, Anjalit2624, and neverthink4. I'm sorry for not updating in a while, but I've been working on my other story, Eternal Love. I finished all of it, and its sequel, and the sequel's sequel has just been completed, so I'm working on the fourth (and last) one. Oh, and extra thanks to liz, who has been giving me ideas for this chapter!**

Wee Doggies! (**AN: I don't mean to offend anyone in anyway whatsoever.**)

Jasper POV

I was just sitting in the living room reading when I felt excitement coming off of Emmett. Then he came into the room, wearing a huge ten-gallon hat, yellow bandanna with purple polka dots, pink plaid shirt, brown leather pants, and huge boots. He was walking like someone had kicked him…well, in that place that really hurts.

"Emmett. What are you doing?"

"Wa, ahm uh cawboy, sonny!" (**translations: Why, I'm a cowboy, sonny!**)

I stared at him in disbelief. He continued.

"Ahv course, dem Yankees ah much be'er than 'em Dixie folk!" (**Of course, them Yankees are much better than them Dixie folk!**)

I stood up. "Say. That. Again."

"Ah mean, the South ahb-solutey lost da big See-vil Wah. Thah jus' goes ta show how week 'em Confeddies ah." (**I mean, the South absolutely lost the big Civil War. That just goes to show how weak them Confeddies [Confederates] are.**)

"SHUT. UP."

"An' thah Gen'rel Lee wuz a fool! He up an' suh-rendered ta 'em Yankees." (**And that General Lee was a fool! He up and surrendered to them Yankees.**)

I clenched my fist. I heard something snap.

"An' wha' 'sup wih 'em dumb teen-gah-lon hats those Texas folk gotsa wear all da time?" (**And what's up with them dumb ten-gallon hats those Texas folk got to wear all the time?**) He pulled off his hat and smashed it over my head, causing it to split so it looked like Iwas wearing a canvas ring around my shoulders.

"Emmett, you are going to die," I snarled, my accent coming out.

"Thah's uh-nuther onesie! Da _accent_. Wah can't y'all just talk like da Yankees? Then we'd understand each uh-ther, wuh-ent we?" (**That's another one! The **_**accent**_**. Why can't you all just talk like the Yankees? Then we'd understand each other, wouldn't we?**)

I lunged, but Alice had raced downstairs and leapt onto my back so I couldn't attack my idiot of a brother. "Jazzy, no!"

"Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy Jazzy," Emmett sang. "_I wish I was in de land ob cotton,_

_Old times dar am not forgotten;_

_Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land._

_In Dixie Land whar I was born in,_

_Early on one frosty mornin,_

_Look away! Look away! Look away! Dixie Land."_

"EMMETT!" I launched myself at him, but Alice was still on my back, so I didn't get the proper trajectory.

"Oh, ho, and what is this, my friend?" Emmett plucked a piece of paper from my backpack. "Why, it's Jasper's history essay on the Civil War! And – le gasp! He got an F on it!"

"Jasper, get an F, on a _Civil War_ essay?" Edward asked in disbelief as he and Bella came into the room. "That is utterly unbelievable."

"It's because that history teacher's all biased towards the Yankees," I snapped.

"Just like you are for the South?" Bella asked innocently.

"Eh, at least the North was smart," Emmett muttered.

"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" I demanded.

"Oh, nothing."

"Jazzy, just sit back down and relax," Alice coaxed me as I plopped back down on the sofa. I glowered at Emmett once more before picking back up my book.

Emmett twiddled his thumbs around a bit. "Hey, Eddie boy."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine, _Edward_. Say, I was reading this history textbook the other day, and it mentioned something about a Major Jasper Whitlock. Now this Whitlock fellow sounds mighty shady to me and kind of cowardly –"

"THAT IS IT!"

A few hours later, Rosalie came back in from the garage. She paused as she took in the scene. Edward, Bella, and Alice were snickering. I was staring angrily at my book as if I were willing it to burn. Emmett was sitting in great pain.

"Um, what's going on here?"

I replied stiffly, "I'm afraid that Emmett will not be able to do 'it' anymore with you for a very long time."

**Yeah, kind of dirty at the end XD. If you haven't learned family life yet, then LUCKY YOU. Again, I'm sorry it took such a long time for this, but I've been focusing on my other story ideas, though the only one published so far is Eternal Love (WHICH IS COMPLETED) and Broken Love is currently being posted. For next chapter: Cullens have a who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble contest in Jasper POV, Cullen girls give the guys a surprise in Carlisle POV, Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, Cullens find a time machine and pull pranks on people like Mike, Jessica, and Lauren in Bella POV (suggested by angel368), Cullens go to Africa in Rosalie POV (Emmett will be attempting a Tarzan), Cullens go to China in Esme POV (pretend that the Olympics are still happening then, Emmett will be sneaking into the opening ceremony), Cullens go to Transylvania in Edward POV (Emmett will be imitating Dracula), Cullens go looking for Bigfoot in Alice POV, or Cullens go to DisneyWorld in Emmett POV (possibly involve Mickey Mouse filing a restraining order on Emmett).**


	33. Movie Mania

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Briony97, ShadowCatcher, sailorjupiterox, xtwilightxchickx, TwilightHorseGal, Edwards Twilight Princess, Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, StantonLover4Life, k-pattttttttz, twilightfanpire1023, CaseyluvsLucic17, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, Dawnieorion, JSod93, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, twilighter97, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, morethanmeetstheeye, XSweet96, KCcrazy, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, Twilight Awesomeness, KCcrazy, redwinggurl, xX9SoftballChickXx, Ilove4everJasperHale, ashleyahh, TWILIGHT RULES, REINO-CULLEN, mrsjaspercullen95, twilight360days, feralfairy, SunnySkies4Life, liz, bella-cullen1989, Maddy Cullen, OMECTWiLIGHTer, hihi!!, and orange cotton candy.**

Movie Mania

Third Person POV

I was just another morning for the Cullens, who were all scattered around the house, when all of a sudden Emmett entered the living room, slamming a DVD or two thousand onto the coffee table.

"EVERYONE GET DOWN HERE!" he screamed.

The rest of the family gathered. "What's going on?" Bella asked.

"We are going to remake all of these movies. CULLEN STYLE!" Emmett shouted.

"No, no, no, no…" Edward moaned as he buried his face in his hands.

A few hours later, all of the Cullens somehow found themselves getting ready to start filming a movie.

Esme turned on the video camera and waited. Emmett coughed. Esme sighed and cleared her throat. "The Chronicles of Narnia, the Doctor, the Vampire, and the Closet, remake Cullen edition, take one. Characters: Alice Cullen as Lucy Pevensie, Bella Cullen as Susan Pevensie, Edward Cullen as Peter Pevensie, and Emmett Cullen as Edmund Pevensie."

"AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! THE PLANES ARE COMING! THE BIG SCARY PLANES ARE COMING TO DROP THEIR MUTANT EGGS OF DEATH UPON US!" Emmett screeched, running around the front yard.

Edward whacked his head. "Shut up, you idiot, and go bury yourself in the safety of the ground." He paused and smiled. "Say, this is actually kind of fun."

**A few scenes later…**

"Come on, guys, seriously, do I really have to wear this?" Jasper whined from inside the house. Emmett was busy running around the yard, spreading white cotton fluff everywhere, while Edward set up a lamppost in the ground.

"Yes, you do, Jazzy. It makes you look cute," Alice replied. "Now get out of here!"

He sighed and came outside. He was shirtless, wearing furry pants, a fake beard, and fake horns.

"Who are you?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "I'm Mr. Tumnus. And what might you be, some little hyperactive pixie?"

"No, you're supposed to say 'beardless dwarf'!" Emmett shouted.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A DWARF!" Alice screeched as she stalked towards him.

"Um…no…what are you – NO! PLEASE! JASPER, DETAIN YOUR WIFE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**A scene or two later…**

Edward, now dressed in a very long fake beard, ran and tackled Emmett over. "DIE!"

"Ginarrbrik?" Rosalie called as she stepped out of the car/sleigh. Emmett's jaw dropped and he began drooling venom.

"Who are you?" Rosalie asked him.

"Nuh…"

**A few more scenes later…**

"Okay, do I really need to wear this?" Carlisle protested from inside a tent.

"Yes, now GET OUT!" Alice screeched.

Carlisle came outside, wearing a lion costume.

"I didn't know that the Cowardly Lion was in this show!" Emmett snickered.

"Emmett, get over here…"

"EEK! GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU WEIRD WRINKLY THING!"

**Some more scenes later…**

Edward gave a battle cry as he raised his sword and began whacking off the heads of all of the test dummies that were scattered across the front yard.

Emmett frowned. "Why does _he_ get to destroy everything?"

"Because he actually has a brain. Now shut up and clean up after him," Jacob replied.

**After filming…**

"Wow…" Bella muttered as they finished watching _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Doctor, the Vampire, and the Closet, Cullen remake._

"Which movie's next?" Emmett asked excitedly, skimming through his huge collection.

"Ooh, how about _Mamma Mia!_?" Nessie asked, picking up the movie.

"OOH! OOH!" Emmett waved his hand wildly around. "I want to be Harry!"

"The gay dude?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, I want to be the gay dude!"

Everyone edged away from Emmett slowly.

**After the **_**Mamma Mia!**_** filming…**

"Hey! Let's do _Titanic _next!" Emmett shouted.

Carlisle coughed. "Um, Emmett, there's a slight problem with that… how are we going to do the sinking ship part?"

"Oh, that's easy…"

**At Tyler Crowley's house…**

"So you're saying that you're Ty Pennington's replacement for this show, and that you're going to makeover my house for free?" a twenty-seven year old Tyler Crowley asked, stroking his bushy beard.

"Yeess! Eef you ah-gree too thees, then I can pay me way bach home!" Emmett replied. (**Yes! If you agree to this, then I can pay my way back home!**)

"Sure! So what do I have to do?"

"Stay away from your house for a whole week and let us do anything we want to it," Emmett responded, dropping the accent.

"Whatever. Later, dude!" Tyler got into his car and drove off.

Emmett rubbed his hands together and cackled evilly. "Excellent!"

**A week later…**

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HOUSE?" Tyler shrieked as he came back home. His house was no longer existing.

"Hey, you said that we could do whatever we wanted. BYE!" Emmett ran off.

**Back at the Cullen house…**

"Say, how about _Pirates of the Caribbean_?" Emmett asked eagerly.

"Sure…"

**Later…**

"Beware, for I am Captain Jack Sparrow, the most notorious pirate to sail the seven seas!" Emmett cried.

Jasper stayed silent, until Emmett nudged him. He sighed and read from the index card. "And I am Mr. Gibbs, his lowly little monkey assistant. All hail Captain Jack Sparrow."

Jacob sighed and picked up his card. "I am Hector Barbarossa, the little idiot dude person thingy that stole Captain Jack Sparrow's lovely ship and stranded him on an island that was stocked with rum."

There was silence. Emmett coughed. "Nessie?"

They turned to her. She was asleep.

**Later (again)…**

"OOH! OOH! _SOUND OF MUSIC_!" Emmett shouted.

Everyone groaned.

**During filming…**

Emmett cleared his throat and began singing. "_Doe, a deer, something nice to eat, Ray, the evil shiny sun! Mi, a name, that really sucks, Far, something really easy to run! Sew, something Carlisle does for surgery, La, something random here! Tea, something really icky! And it all comes back to Doe!_"

Bella winced and clapped her hands to her ears. "I think my eardrums just popped."

**After they decide to finish…**

"That was awesome!" Emmett enthused.

Everyone was silent.

"WASN'T IT?"

"Whatever you say, Emmett, whatever you say…"

**Ha, I know this wasn't on the list, but I just thought of it today and had to write it down. If you ever think of another good movie (and I've seen it), then I'll see if I can do a Cullen variation of that one, too! So for next chapter: Cullens go golfing in Emmett POV, Cullen girls give guys a surprise in Carlisle POV, Cullens find a time machine and go irritate people like Jessica and Lauren, Cullens have a who-can-blow-the-biggest-gum-bubble in Jasper POV, Cullens go to Africa in Rosalie POV (involves Emmett attempting a Tarzan), Cullens go to China in Esme POV (involves Emmett sneaking into the Olympic opening ceremony), Cullens go to Transylvania in Edward POV (involves Emmett imitating Dracula), Cullens go looking for Bigfoot in Alice POV, or Cullens go to DisneyWorld in Emmett POV (involves Mickey Mouse filing a restraining order on Emmett). And check out my other story, Eternal Love! (And its sequels, Broken Love and Dangerous Love.)**


	34. Disney World

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to OMECTWiLIGHTer, twilighter97, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, xxClosingTimexx, WishingHeart, Briony97, sailorjupiterox, Swimming cutie xoxo, lesharostormraven, liz, vampirechewtoy, Mandi, Stanton Dimitri Cullen, JSod93m xtwilightxchickx, 94pinkflowers, Kimmy Cullen, twilightluvr12, SunnySkies4Life, cullen_luv95, sakuraxyaoran-harryxdraco, redwinggurl, angel368, AmberlynotKimberly, Edwards Twilight Princess, twilightfanpire1023, alltheships, LindseyRae, JaCkSoN RaThBoNe Is MiNe, LindseyRae, madeofawesome22, Twilight Awesomeness, InUrFaceV, k-pattttttttz, -Lovin'Readin'Drawin'Writtin'-, kissanddazzle, feralfairy, ShadowCatcher, xEdwardCullen4Everx, vampirechewtoy, angel368, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Ilove4everJasperHale, bella-cullen1989, impeacheuan3122, .Twilight., .writing., jenjen94, Nathalia Potter, feralfairy, ashleyahh, Mangobunny255, Emovamp13, mello-ello, esmie, and Twilightgrl4ever. OH MY GAWD, I just got a PM from CuteRockstar101 saying that I won her contest for Favorite Story of All Time, EEK!!!!!!!! Thanks to everyone who voted for me!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and I've put up two new stories – Brothers and Sisters, where Bella, Alice, and Rosalie are human, and the guys are vampires who move to town. The other is called City of Life, which has a pretty complicated summary, so you kind of have to read it to know what it's about…**

Disney World

Emmett POV

I was bored. So I sat there… with the television on… set on the weather channel… whatever. The guy with the funny bowtie and Botox injected smile was talking about something like severe cloud cover over Florida for the next few weeks or something.

"Kids, we have another surprise!" Carlisle announced. Everyone gathered in the living room, and he set down a pamphlet with a picture of a mouse wearing red shorts.

"There are _mice_ in the house?" I gasped. "Nice thinking, Carlisle, we'll need an exterminator."

"No, Emmett, that's Mickey Mouse," Bella corrected me.

"Mickey… Mickey… hey, isn't he that little brown mouse in that cartoon where the cat is always trying to chase after him and they never talk?"

"No, that's Tom and Jerry," Edward sighed. "Jerry's the mouse, and Tom's the cat."

"But I thought that Tom was that fat orange cat that loves lasagna!"

"That's Garfield," Jasper muttered.

"I thought Garfield was that president we had a while back!"

"There _was_ a President Garfield," Esme put in.

"So we used to have a fat orange lasagna-loving cat as our president?" I gasped. Wow, where was I when this happened?

"We're going to Disney World!" Alice shouted, exasperated for some reason.

"Ah, why didn't you just say so?" I scoffed. "Then I'd know what you're talking about." Then it hit me. "OH MY XBOX, WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now we were on the plane to Florida, and I was feeling very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, GASP, very, happy! But I was bored. I want a cotton swab…

OOH, a _straw_! I picked it up and began playing around with it. Hmm… I picked up a napkin and began tearing it into little shreds, sticking the little itty bitty pieces inside the straw.

I looked up over the seats and craned my head around like those periscope things that you see in submarines… hmm, I want a submarine – no, concentrate, Emmett! Now where is Eddie…

Ah ha! I put the straw to my mouth and blew. The little white missile hurled through the air and went SPLAT on Eddie boy's forehead.

Edward looked up, irritated. "Emmett," he hissed.

I waved angelically at him. Hey, I used a big word!

Yay, we're in Disney now! We dumped out stuff at the hotel and went to the park. Aw, man, the line is going on FOREVER!!! _WHY_????????????????????????????

I tapped my foot on the ground, looking around. Finally, we're at the front!

"HOW MANY TICKETS?" the half-blind old lady at the ticket stand shouted.

"Ten, please," Carlisle asked politely.

"WHAT? HOW MANY?"

"Ten tickets," Carlisle said in a louder voice.

"WHAT?????? YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP, SONNY!"

"_**TEN FREAKING TICKETS, WOMAN**_!" I screeched. Everyone fell silent and turned to stare at me. I grinned apologetically. "Carry on, peasants!"

A little toddler chucked his pacifier at my head. The humans started going back to their business. The deaf lady handed Carlisle ten tickets. "GO AHEAD! ENJOY YOUR STAY AT SIX FLAGS!"

"Um, Disney World, you mean," Bella corrected her.

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"Did you know that the original Six Flags amusement park was built in Texas?" Oh, great, there goes Jasper, spouting off all of those useless facts again. "They called it Six Flags because Texas was under six flags – Spain, Mexico, the country of Texas, Great Britain, the United States, and then the Confederate States."

"Yawn," I muttered. Jasper thwacked my head. I frowned, but then my eyes lit up. "Hey, I'm going to get one of those autograph book thingys so that I can get autographs from all of those people dressed up in cartoon character suits and stand around the park for a living!"

Ooh, that sparkly pink one is pretty…

And a matching sparkly pink pen!

"We're in Epcot right now," Edward announced, unfolding a map. I looked around.

"OH MY JEEP WRANGLER, I'M SEEING ALL THESE COUNTRIES AT ONE TIME! SINCE WHEN DID THE WORLD GET SO SMALL?" I shrieked.

"Emmett… it's a scale model of the world," Jasper replied, looking bored. "It's not real."

"Disney World isn't real?" I was horrified. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I began dry sobbing.

We began walking around. I frowned again. "Where are all the rides?"

"Those are in Magic Kingdom," Esme replied.

"Well, then let's go to Magic Kingdom! This place is boring," I complained.

"Fine, fine," Edward muttered, leading us out. We got onto some sort of giant golf cart thing with more carts connected to it (Alice says it's the shuttle bus, but I prefer to call it the giant golf cart thing with more carts connected to it) and zipped off to Magic Kingdom.

"Let's go to Tomorrowland!" I shouted. "Ooh, giant white dome thing…"

Space Mountain! Awesome! I laughed when the guy who ran the ride kept measuring Alice to make sure that she really was tall enough. Then he tried to feel her up. And I'm not sure exactly how he did it, but Jasper did something to him that made him afraid to ever look at us again…

"Each train for this ride carries three passengers," Bella noted. "Either one of us is going to have to ride with two other strangers, or we'll have to split up in another way."

"I'll sit with the strangers!" I offered.

"Um… okay."

The two strangers that I was sitting with were two little eight year old boys who looked utterly freaked out at going on the ride by themselves. "HI! I'M EMMETT!" I boomed.

They trembled. Cue in the evil Emmett laughs. MWA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sat in the last seat, so they were in the two cars in front of me. Then the ride started, and we shot off. The two of them began screaming.

"OH MY WALL-E, IT'S AN ALIEN!" I shrieked, pointing at a random direction.

"DON'T KILL ME! EAT HIS BRAINS!" one boy wailed, pointing at the other.

"NO! EAT HIS!" the other yelled, pointing at the first.

"There's a meteor coming right at us. It's going to crush us!" I screamed. This reminded me of the time when we were actually in space…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screeched at the same time.

This is fun.

I was grinning as I got off of the ride. The ride attendants had to pry the two kids out from their seats. I walked with the rest of my family back outside, when I saw him. He was wearing a huge straw sunhat and ridiculous overlarge pink sunglasses, a bright yellow Hawaiian style shirt, neon green board shorts, socks with sandals, and so much sunscreen that his skin looked almost as pale as ours.

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"Uh… Jeff Roberts. Tourist. Father of two pre-teens," he answered cautiously.

"CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?" I held out my book. I met someone famous! I mean, why would anyone not famous wear something as ridiculous as that getup?

"Um… sure, I guess…" He scribbled something onto my book.

"Yay, thanks!" I skipped back to my family. (**Emmett skipping, LOL**)

We headed to FantasyLand – you know, the place with the giant Cinderella castle. Then I saw him. My worst enemy. And he was standing right there, taking pictures with innocent little children.

Mickey Mouse.

"YOU!" I shouted, pointing at him. Everyone looked up and stared at me. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I charged at him.

"Hey, who are you, kid?" a croaky voice sounded from inside the head. "What are – no, no, stay back, STAY BACK!" He started to run, but I jumped and tackled him.

"YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD! YOU MADE ONE OF MY LIFELONG DREAMS TO DRIVE A STEAMBOAT INSIDE A GIANT TURTLE, BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO, IT NEVER HAPPENED!"

"SECURITY!" he shrieked.

"Emmett, get up, now!" Edward and Jasper pulled me up and tugged me away as a whole bunch of security guards came running over. We raced back to the hotel, where we just sat down.

I broke the silence. "That was fun! Let's do it again!"

A few weeks later, when we got back home, I got something in the mail. It came inside an envelope with a picture of Cinderella's awesome castle on it. So of course I opened it up.

It was signed by some guy named Bob Wazowski, apparently something about me assaulting him while he was on duty.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"What's a restraining order?"

Edward grinned. "Well, Emmett, it means that this guy wants you to become best friends with him, and you should go meet up with him as soon as possible."

"Oh, okay!" Hmm, where does Bob Wazowski live?

**I want to go to Disney World again… ah well, remember, please check out my new stories! And to you Immortal Love readers – the amount of reviews is a bit lower than normal, so I'm waiting for a few more, just to let you know.**


	35. Bubblicious

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to AuroraandRosalieWannabe, vampirechewtoy, Briony97, KCcrazy, liz, redwinggurl, SunnySkies4Life, k-pattttttttz, Renesmee Cullen x, J'adore lire, Twilight Awesomeness, alltheships, myobsessionbitesurs, bella-cullen1989, Pinetail Meryl Alice Cullen, StantonLover4Life, 123ogla97, Emmett-Rocks-LilyPad-EliteStar, LiLmisswitlockXX, .writing., sakuraxsyaoran-harryxdraco, TwilightgoddesslovesEdwardlol, orange cotton candy, Ilove4everJasperHale (who gave me an idea for this chapter), twilighter97, mrsjaspercullen95, zanessaforever18, xTwilightxChickx, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Kimmy Cullen, LindseyRae, twilightfanpire1023, madeofawesome2, A reader, twilight360days, AliceC1, simply-dazzling011, Purplpocadots13, and x0lce-Vampira0x.**

**And I've created my own forum! It's on my profile at the top, with the link "My Forums". I've started a challenge about Alice and Jasper, my favorite couple of all time!  
**

Bubblicious

Jasper POV

"They've done it! They've finally done it! MWA HA HA!" I heard Emmett cackling one afternoon. I looked up from my guitar and looked warily at the stairs, where the sounds were originating from.

"Do I even want to know?" I asked Alice.

"No."

Emmett raced down into the living room, beaming, holding a brightly colored pack of… bubble gum?

"THEY'VE FINALLY DONE IT!" he shouted.

"Done _what_?" I muttered.

"The purple striped orange polka dotted Martians from the pink planet Bippo have finally beamed down through thought rays to the bubble gum people at Bubblicious to invent… BLOOD FLAVORED BUBBLE GUM!"

"Are you _cereal_?" Nessie gasped as she ran into the room. She began to jump up and down. "GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME!"

"NO! IT'S MY MARTIAN GUM, MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett wailed as he held the red pack of gum just out of her reach.

"Does it even _taste_ anything like blood?" Edward asked doubtfully.

"Uh… I don't know… I never had any of it before." Emmett ripped open the package, took out one of the soft, sticky, chewy cubes, and popped it into his mouth. "OH MY HALO! THIS ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE GRIZZLY BEAR BLOOD!" Emmett began to bounce up and down excitedly.

"You're cereal!" Why does Nessie keep saying _cereal_? It brings me back bad memories from that day when Emmett ate all of those Frosted Flakes… but then again, there were some good memories later in the day, too, with Ali – no, bad Jasper, don't think that! Meh.

Edward wrinkled his nose and shot me a look that clearly read, _Stop thinking about my favorite sister that way, it's highly disturbing._

Hey, she's _my_ wife. It's my right. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Jazzy, don't tell me that you just stuck out your tongue?" Alice gasped, bursting into giggles.

Oh. She's right. Ex-Confederate army majors don't stick out their tongues.

Edward reached for the pack and popped one of the cubes into his mouth. "Hmm… it tastes _somewhat _like mountain lion blood, I suppose."

"Do you have any more of these?" Nessie asked as she stuck another cube into her mouth.

"Yup! I bought out a whole Wal-mart of them!" Emmett announced proudly. He ran upstairs and came back down with a huge bag of stuff.

Hmm… they really _did_ taste like blood…

Jacob was grimacing at them. "Alright, I'll leave you guys to go suck up your blood in bubble gum form. I'm getting myself some real food."

Nessie blew a bubble. "Ha, that one was HUGE!"

"Nuh uh, I can blow a bigger one!" Emmett argued, popping another piece into his mouth and blowing a bigger bubble just to prove his point.

"I can make an EVEN bigger one!" Nessie blew a bigger one.

"I can STILL make an even bigger one!" Emmett blew a bigger one.

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

"No, _me_!" Alice shouted.

"Oh… this is _war_," Emmett hissed.

War? That caught my attention. I was fine with any kind of war, no matter how stupid it was, just as long as it had the word _war_ in it.

"Wait! First, we need all of our supplies." Emmett dashed to the kitchen and ran back holding a jar of brown stuff.

"Peanut butter?" I asked, wrinkling my nose at the scent. If I read correctly, there was a salmonella infection in peanut butter right now…

"It's Nessie's. And I heard that peanut butter will help prevent bubble gum from getting stuck in your hair," Emmett argued in his defense.

"I'm not even going to ask how you know that," Bella mumbled.

"Being a master prankster teaches you many lessons," Emmett boasted proudly.

"Wait… so YOU were the one that stuffed peanut butter in my new Coach purse!" Alice gasped. She was getting very mad… "You told me that Jacob did it!"

"Uh…" Ah, Emmett's in trouble later…

"You framed me?" Jacob yelled, holding a pack of Oreos. "She shaved off my hair for that!"

"Well… better you than me. I mean, your hair can actually grow back, you know." Emmett shrugged. "Any, bubble gum contest!"

"Me first!" Nessie shouted, chewing her gum hurriedly. She managed to make a bubble just bigger than the size of a baseball.

Everyone turned to look at Bella. She sighed exasperatedly. "I forfeit."

"NO! YOU CAN'T FORFEIT!" Emmett boomed.

"No, Momma, please?" Nessie widened her eyes and her lip trembled as she looked up at Bella. Bella sighed again and hurriedly chewed her gum, not even trying. Her bubble was about half the size of Nessie's.

"There. I didn't forfeit."

Edward just sat there, juggling a few pieces of gum. "Fine," he sighed, chewing his gum. His was the size of a small basketball.

Nessie frowned and stomped her foot. Edward had beaten her. He merely grinned at his daughter before wrapping his arms around Bella's waist.

We all turned to look at Rosalie. She raised her eyebrows, as if daring us to even try to make her join in the contest. Emmett coughed and turned back around. "Okay… JASPER! Your turn!"

Do this for the war… war… war…

Edward snickered. I glared at him before blowing. It was just bigger than his bubble.

Ha, I thought in my head. He glared at me now.

"My turn!" Alice said cheerfully as she put a new piece of gum in her mouth. She quickly chewed it and blew… and blew… and blew… and blew… and blew… and blew… and blew…

Hers was the size of a disco ball. I stared at it while she stood there proudly, and then carefully popped it. I shuddered. The 1970's were NOT a good time for me. Even then, Alice had insisted on keeping up with the latest fashions… which meant shiny, sparkly, disco suits… very shiny… very sparkly… too shiny and sparkly… I remember that she once attempted to give me an afro. I shuddered again.

"And, the best for last, EMMETT! Dun, dun, dahhh…" He hummed his own little theme song (which sounded like the Barney theme song, for some odd, disturbing reason) before commencing. His bubble was getting to be even bigger than Alice's. We stared at its ever growing size until Alice gasped.

"No, Emmett, stop! Don't blow any –"

But I was too late. The bubble had popped – no, _exploded_ – all over the living room. We were all completely coated in a layer of gum… that had been in EMMETT'S mouth…

I gingerly picked up my poor guitar. It was ruined. There was gum stuck in the hollows of it. The strings were ruined. Edward stared at his piano. The gum was now stuck in between the keys.

Rosalie took a lock of her gum covered hair and snarled at Emmett. "What. Did. You. _Do_?" she hissed. "My hair is RUINED!"

"So is mine!" Alice whined, trying to pluck the gum out of her short hair. "Emmett, you forgot the peanut butter, you idiot! Now this is going to take forever…"

Emmett had only applied the peanut butter to his hair, so he had gotten off squeaky clean in that part of his head. He coughed awkwardly as Edward and I turned to glare at him, as did Rosalie and Alice.

"Emmett, get over here…"

A few hours later, Carlisle and Esme came back to a very clean house. Esme paused. "Where's Emmett?"

"He's decided to take an impromptu vacation to South America," I announced carelessly as I plucked at my new guitar.

**Meanwhile, in some random part of South America…**

There was a huge, red-pink wad of bubble gum stuck in the midst of several trees. It started shaking for a bit until a pale, white hand reached out of it.

"I LIVE!" Emmett shouted. He blinked and looked around. "Uh… where am I?" he muttered to himself. He began to work on getting the rest of himself out of the gum.

Then he heard a little skittering noise behind him. He froze then turned around.

"AH! SPIDER! SPIDER! SPIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Zafrina, Kachiri, and Senna were relaxing by a little river when Senna paused and looked up. "Did you just hear someone screaming _Spider_?" she asked in their native language.

"I don't know… the spiders CAN get very big here," Zafrina replied.

Kachiri shrugged. "I just hope that he didn't run into our pet spider…"

**By the way, the spider that Emmett ran into WAS their pet one...MWA HA HA... arachnophobia... Yeah, it's not that funny, but I wanted to get SOMETHING out today...**


	36. House

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, KCcrazy, Twilight Awesomeness, Briony97, Purplpocadots13, StantonDimitriCullen, Ilove4everJasperHalem alicecullenx2, Vampire Note, redwinggurl, SunnySkies4Life, A reader, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, Kimmy Cullen, mushroom eater, twilighter97, TwilightgoddesslovesEdwardlol, J'adore lire, sakuraxsyaoran-harryxdraco, cool-gal95, Edwards Twilight Princess, bella-cullen1989, k-pattttttttz, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, Sap96 (2), LindseyRae, Charlotte 1993, Kaylacullen13, twilight360days, twilighthero1, Lady Saruman, Mangobunny255, dazzle_me_golden.**

**Oh, and I've just read some very amazing books and am thinking about writing fanfics about them, but I can't find their category on the site. I also can't find the list of authors who we can't write about, so if anyone knows where the list is, then can you PLEASE tell me??? **

House

Edward POV

"CARLISLE!" Emmett boomed. He was holding a little stack of envelopes. "THE MAIL'S HERE!"

"Why? Is there something for me?" Carlisle asked as he came down the stairs.

"Yup! Here you go." Emmett flung an envelope at him, like a Frisbee. Carlisle purposely stepped to the side, and the envelope embedded itself in the wall.

"Well, thank you so much, Emmett," Carlisle said sarcastically as he pulled the envelope back out. He carefully unsealed it and read the letter quickly. "Oh. I see. That's interesting."

"What is it, Carlisle?" Jasper called from the living room.

"There's a hospital that's offering me a position there. It's a pretty good hospital."

"Where is it?" Bella asked.

"It's in New Jersey."

"Which hospital?" Esme wondered.

"The Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital," Edward replied for Carlisle.

"So what are you going to do?" Rosalie asked, sounding bored. As always.

"Well… the pay there is pretty good. And we'll need to line up a job for after our stay here in Boston. So I suppose that I could go take a look there," Carlisle muttered. His eyes looked at the last line on the bottom of the page. "Oh. It says that you guys can all come along. They heard that you're all rather bright, so they're offering you internships there if you want."

"Okay. When are we leaving?" I asked.

"Right now!" Alice called brightly, holding up her already packed suitcases as she ran down the stairs. "Come on, our flight is in two hours, people!"

"When did you have this vision?" Bella demanded, dumbfounded.

"As soon as Emmett decided to give the letter to Carlisle instead of folding it up into a paper airplane and naming it the Hindenburg II," Alice replied cheerfully.

"Ugh. Can't go. I have to make up my grade," Nessie muttered.

"What? What happened?" Bella demanded.

"I failed my calculus test."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't write out my work."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"I did it in my head. But the teacher didn't believe me, and said that if she couldn't do it in her head, then I couldn't, so I must be cheating. Just because I'm smarter than her doesn't mean that I cheated," Nessie mumbled. As Nessie was staying, Jacob also stayed behind, too.

There was a thunderstorm in New Jersey when we arrived. We rented some cars – the usual sports cars, of course, though Emmett had been just dying to get the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile that was available – and sped off to PPTH.

It seemed like everyone had fallen silent as soon as we had entered. Emmett coughed awkwardly. Everyone started to slowly move around again, though they were all still staring at us.

A man with graying hair and a beard and a cane limped over. He glanced dismissively over at us. That was new. "Okay, who are you and why are you making all of the little workers in my hive falling over themselves to stare at you?" _Why the hell are strangers doing in my – I mean, _Cuddy's_ hospital?_

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I got an invitation to bring my family here and check out the hospital – it was a job offer, and we're taking a look around." _Ah. So they're pompous strangers. Gits._

"But why the little kiddos?" the man asked, patting Alice's head. I resisted the urge to laugh. She scowled at him.

"I'm older than you," she muttered under her breath.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I'm seventeen, you know."

"Hmph. Odd."

"So who are you?" Emmett asked.

"House." _Everyone knows who Dr. Gregory House is. I mean, I'm me._

"Dr. Gregory House?" I said.

"No, Einstein, that's my evil twin brother," House replied sarcastically. "I'm Eugene House (**that's for you, Mangobunny255**), the inventor of Velcro and leading soprano singer at the community choir." _Idiot._

"So. Who are all you strangely good-looking people who are also creepy?" House demanded.

"This is my wife, Esme. And these are my children, Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie," Carlisle introduced.

"Huh. You like kind of young to have kids. How old were you when you had them?" _Probably seven or something. Must've had pretty blind parents. And deaf._

"We're adopted," Jasper replied. He was looking very uncomfortable. We were making him hold his breath for the entire visit.

"Do you have diarrhea or something? Because I have some laxatives or pills or whatever in my office that could really help you," House offered. _God knows that they've helped me out a lot._

"Um… no. And I'm not – sick."

"Uh-huh… " _If you say so._ "Well, nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand, and Carlisle shook it. House raised his eyebrows. "Cold skin – _derma frigidus_. Interesting." _Weird, pompous strangers with diseases._

"Sorry. My whole family has it."

"And yet you aren't related." _This whole shebang is suspicious. Maybe I ought to do an investigation on – ooh, free doughnuts today!_ "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have some very important matters to take care of. I'll have… Kutner! KUTNER! GET OVER HERE! He'll take you on a tour around the hospital. Bye." _If all of the jelly-filled doughnuts are gone, I'm going to whack Foreman with my cane. Stupid jelly doughnut eater…_

A man with dark skin came over. "What is – oh, _hello_." He smoothed out his hair and smiled at Rosalie." _Thank you, House!_ "I'm Dr. Lawrence Kutner. And I'll be your tour guide today."

He motioned for us to follow him. "So, welcome to our lovely abode, in which we must endure long workdays with the notorious Dr. House. Over there is the staff lounge, where they are currently giving out free doughnuts." _I love the jelly-filled ones. Of course, I usually only eat half of them, and then leave the rest on Foreman's desk._

"And here is one of the patient's rooms. You know, I once used these very defibrillator paddles –" He held them up " – and accidentally set one of the patients on fire." My family and I automatically took a step back from him. "But don't worry! I've learned how to not do it anymore."

"Kutner, who're you speaking to?" A man with a bald head came in. "Oh, hi. Who are you?" _They're all pretty good-looking. It has to be plastic surgery. I wonder which surgeon? They did a better job than I ever did. But it looks to perfect to be plastic surgery. I wonder…_

"I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family."

"Hi. I'm Dr. Taub. So you're the one who Cuddy sent the job offer to?"

"That's right."

"Nice to meet you. Well, Kutner, when you're done, you're needed with the newest patient." He snapped his fingers. "Thirteen! I need to talk to you."

_My name's Remy, for god's sake – oh. Wow._ A woman with dark brown hair entered the room. "Yeah?"

"Mrs. Reilly needs her surgery now. Come on."

"Okay, well, that's everyone on our team here. Next part of the tour, come on."

"Oh! Well, hello, odd group of supposedly unrelated family people with strangely cold skin and yellow eyes." House stopped and took a bite from his doughnut. _Ha, I got the last one. Take that, Foreman._ "So either you're really, really sick, all of you, or you're all just weird."

"I'd go with the second one," Emmett replied. I thwacked his head. "Ow…"

"Ah. Knew it. Well, who wants to come with me and watch as I remove a patient's appendix?" House asked, waving a clipboard around.

Carlisle glanced at the papers. "It doesn't say that you're supposed to do that, though."

"And I care about that… why? Aw, come on, I haven't done an appendectomy in forever!" he whined.

Carlisle was confused. By now, most other doctors would've just gone away by now – actually, most doctors didn't do appendectomies in the first place without the patient's permission.

"No appendectomy, House," a woman named Dr. Cuddy called as she walked by, reading some charts intently.

"Fudge. Nice timing," House muttered as he limped off. Kutner checked his watch and excused himself. _Time to go frame Foreman again._

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Are you seriously considering working here?"

"This place is awesome!" Emmett shouted.

**So? How'd you like the House thing? I don't know if I should add more House. Then it'd probably be more of a House crossover, though I'll still add stuff like Beijing or Bigfoot. I'm suffering from stupid pollen allergies now, so short author's note now. Oh, I've posted a new story called Alice. About Alice. Check it out!**


	37. Volturi Special

High School for the Cullens

Disclaimer: The Twilight saga is not mine, but the amazing Stephenie Meyer's. I'll live.

**This chapter is dedicated to CrAzEe AlPhAbEtIcA, lesharostormraven, AuroraandRosalieWannabe, bella-cullen1989, SarahB0B, k-pattttttttz, cool-gal95, sailorjupiterox, ashleyahh, Plate Captain, twilightfanpire1023, Kari Twilight Mist, Rachh93, Twilight Awesomeness, Mangobunny255, rach, Edwards Twilight Princess, emma-luvs-emmett, k3ll3nlutzl0v3r, StantonDimitriCullen, simply-dazzling001, mandi, .Twilight., Vampire Note, angel368, Abby-Whitlock-Hale-Cullen, madeofawesome22, kissanddazzle, Ilove4everJasperHale, justanotherditzyredhead, Canet, VampiricMirth (2), Saadhana, Briony97, Frizwizz, Volteri Vampire Slayer, annabethchase45, A reader, leopardspotz17, Lady Saruman, jalicecullen, Bethan, darkphoenixsoul, maddyy, bellaedward8142, Ella, z10soccerstar, YetAnotherEdwardCullenFan, JenniferDylanCox, laughing bubbles 18, AnNaLeE m O'bRiEn, and dimple.**

Volturi Special

Third Person POV

Aro sniffed loudly as he adjusted his spectacles on his nose. Then he frowned, pulled them off, and wiped the lenses clean, and put them back on. He coughed quietly, and then straightened his spectacles again. He noticed yet another microscopic speck of dirt on it and pulled it off once more.

Caius gritted his teeth, snatched the spectacles, and crushed them in his hand.

"What was that for?" Aro whined.

Caius rolled his eyes. "SILENCE!" he shouted. The entire Volturi guard that had been gathered into the room quieted instantly. "Thank you," he said more pleasantly.

Aro cleared his throat and shuffled the papers in front of him. "Very vell, then, brother Caius. Velcome, everyone, to the first ever –"

"Aro, why are you speaking like that?"

"Like vhat?"

"With that stupid German accent." (**No offense to Germans. You guys are pretty awesome.**)

"Because it's fun!" Aro protested in his normal voice. "Isn't it, Marcus?"

Marcus merely stared back at him emotionlessly.

"See? He agrees with me!"

"Back to business!" Caius barked.

Aro chuckled.

"What?" Caius asked, irritated.

"You barked," Aro snorted.

"What about it?"

"Werewolves bark. You hate werewolves. You know…" Aro trailed off when he noticed that no one was laughing. "Okay, whatever, just forget it." Aro turned back to the group and cleared his throat again. "Alright, everybody! Please repeat after me." He cleared his throat. "Humans are food. Not friends."

"Humans are food. Not friends," the guard intoned.

"Very good!" Aro beamed. "So, what is on the agenda for today?"

"Demetri keeps stealing all of the humans that I want during feeding time," Felix complained.

"If you weren't so _slow_, then _you_ would be getting to them!" Demetri shot back.

"Chelsea never returns my makeup!" Heidi whined.

"Well, you should keep track of them more carefully!" Chelsea snapped.

"Jane is always taking my robes," Alec yelled.

"What? No way! I only use _my_ robes! I wouldn't touch your stinky robes with a ten mile long stick!" Jane sniffed.

"Order! ORDER!" Aro shrieked. "Thank you. Felix, work on getting faster. Demetri, work out a schedule or something with him for the days when you can take his humans. Chelsea, write on your hand with Sharpie to remind yourself to return Heidi's things. Heidi, get a specially-created vampire safe-box for only $29.95 from the Volturi catalogue. Jane, Alec, write your names on the labels in the back of your robes. Anything else?"

Jane and Alec glanced at each other, then shouted at the same time, "FELIX NEVER LETS US USE HIS HEAD FOR PLAYING BASKETBALL!!!"

"Hey, my head, my rules!" Felix yelled back.

The twins let out a high-pitched samurai shout as they jumped onto him. There was a loud screeching of metal as they tore of his head.

"SUCCESS!" Alec cried, holding it up. "Come along, sister, let us go brush up on our basketball skills." He began to bounce the head up and down the stone floor.

"Hey, hey, watch the goods, WATCH THE GOODS!" Felix's head screeched as its face was slammed against the floor repeatedly. "Oi, body, over here! To the left!" Felix's huge body stumbled around blindly, colliding with Demetri. "No, the other left!"

Demetri cut in on the game and passed the head with Alec. Heidi and Chelsea had forced Jane down and were braiding her hair, tying little bows into it as she huffed and crossed her arms.

"You broke my spectacles!" Aro wailed, pointing at Caius.

"You'll live," Caius muttered.

"I haven't lived in three thousand years! TREACHERY!!!!!" Aro seized Caius's head and slammed it down onto the table, thus breaking it.

The table. Not the head.

Caius yanked Aro's hair, as Aro screamed, "NO! NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Marcus was quietly sitting in his seat, eyes flicking around the room, bored. He silently got up and headed out through the door. As soon as he was out of vampire earshot, he raced to his room, where he plopped down in front of his desk.

He reached into his robe to pull out the camera that had been hidden in there and plugged it into the computer. As he headed for his Youtube account, he muttered to himself, "And this is what the greatest vampire clan in the world has advanced into."

**MEANWHILE, IN THE CULLEN HOME**

"Heeeeeeeeeeey, look at this!" Emmett exclaimed, staring at the computer.

"Emmett, are you looking at porn again?" Edward sighed.

"_WHAT_?" Rosalie shrieked.

"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT IS THIS PORIN THING YOU SPEAK ABOUT?" Emmett said loudly. "MOVING ON… no, it's Youtube. MizzleisdaBomb uploaded another video!"

The entire family gathered around the screen.

"I swear, that looks just like the Volturi," Carlisle muttered.

"But that can't be them," Jasper protested. "They're all acting like five year olds!"

"Yeah, they act just like you guys," Esme sighed.

Emmett nodded vigorously. "Yeah, they act just like we –" He paused. "Hey, wait a minute…"

Edward patted his shoulder. "Don't try to think about it, Emmett, please. It won't hurt so much."

"Okay!"

"So what other videos does this MizzleisdaBomb have?" Bella asked.

"Well, besides this one, What Really Happens in Da Meetings, he's got Girls Force Guys Into Makeovers, Lip-Synching Britney Spears, A Jolly St. Marcus Day Celebration…" Emmett stopped again. "Wait a minute." His eyes lit up. "I know! I've pieced together all of these clues, and have come to a conclusion!"

"What?" Alice sighed.

"MizzleisdaBomb is really… CARLISLE!" Emmett pointed an accusing finger at him.

"What? That's ridiculous, Emmett. I don't even go on Youtube."

They all gasped. "What? Carlisle doesn't go on Youtube? Scandalous!" Rosalie muttered sarcastically.

Emmett laughed. "Hey, the dude in Lip-Synching Britney Spears looks a lot like Aro dressed up as a girl!"

They all fell silent. "That's really disturbing, Emmett. Really…"

**I APOLOGIZE FOR NOT UPDATING IN FOREVER!!! But I just couldn't find a decent idea. Sorry about that. And yes, the Cullen kids will be going back to school soon. Just toss me some ideas that are SCHOOL-RELATED. This message especially goes out to those people who've told me in reviews that they want them back in school. This IS for you guys.**

**In other news - my other story, Alice, has only 32 chapters and has over 1000 reviews, WHOO!!!**

**I will be working on other chapters, just in case no one gives me any ideas to work with, but remember, I only update on this story when I have time and inspiration. I mentioned this somewhere way back in chapter 20 or something.**

**I've finished reading Vampire Academy, so keep an eye out for any fanfictions or crossovers I may post about that.**

**I have another story, Out of the Shadows, Into the Light. Yeah, I haven't touched that story in forever. I'm sorry to those of you who might like it, but I'm considering dropping it. There's just too many of those "another vampire joins the Cullens" stories, and OSIL was one of my raw stories, from a long time ago when I couldn't write anything. If anyone wants to, they can adopt it, just credit me, but unless I get a sudden burst of inspiration of whatever, please don't expect me to update on that.  
**

**I love you all, and I apologize again for the delay. I've been busy, but a lot of people have, too, and I've been concentrating on other stories. Without you guys, I would've dropped this story a long time ago.  
**


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